Need advice on a few different discipline issues/questions!

Alicia - posted on 07/01/2011 ( 5 moms have responded )




So, my fiance and I have a 10 month old who is crawling everywhere (pulling to stand as well) so of course she is getting into things. We try to keep everything out of her reach and put away but we also have a dog. She is obsessed with sneaking over to play in the dog's water bowl or try to eat the dog's food. She is only 10 months so I don't think time outs would work. I usually tap her on the hand and tell her no-no that's not for Kaelee that's for the dog (she understands the word dog). Is there something more I could do to teach her she can't do that?

Second question. Our best friends and their 3 children ( 6yr old boy, 4yr old girl and 14month old girl) are staying with us as they hit a rough spot financially and they are like family (we're their kids Godparents and they are our daughter's). Their kids seem so bad to me sometimes. My friends do discipline them. They do time outs, and sit down and try to talk to them (the older two) and as a last resort they do spank. I am just wondering if there's any advice because the 6 and 4yr olds talk back or even yell at their parents and us. The 4yr old has written on our brand new couches with a pen, on our car door with a black permanent marker and on the bedroom wall with a pink marker (mine you, we rent this home.. My fiance and I are the leaseholders). The 7yr old is very bad about talking back and even growling as if very angry when his mom tells him he doesn't like/want to hear. hthey both do the same things to my fiance and I as well. Does anyone have any ideas that may help. Just tonight while we were bathing the two younger ones my fiance walked into the living room where the two older ones were told to sit and settle down for bedtime soon and he caught the 7yr old boy fully sprinting across our brand new coffee table and jumping onto the couch. We are all at a loss because they both find being disciplined (even the last resort spanks) to be funny, esp the eldest. They laug rigt in our faces. I'm at my wits end as is my fiance and their mother. Please any advice would be great.

PS. Just the other day the kids were all dancing to music videos and before I could get to her or even realize what she'd done, my 10 month old had pulled the disk tray out and broke my fiance's $500 xbox game system. Of course he was upset (evenn though it's under warranty) but he took the anger out on me making me feel bad like I wasn't watching her closely enough. Then he kept bringing up how his xbox was broken randomly for the rest of the night making me feel worse and worse (even though he says he was joking). I told him how it made me feel, he apologized but brought it up again today making me feel bad once again. I know I'm a very sensitive person (but so does he) and even after telling him joking or not he really is hurting me and making me feel more awful everytime he mentions it. Any suggestions on that situation as well?

sorry this post was so long and I appreciate any advice or suggestion, etc but please don't be too harsh and don't be rude because that does not help.

thank you!


Jenni - posted on 07/02/2011




I agree with the others. She's 10 months, you really can only distract and prevent. Possibly, get a baby gate to protect your dog's food. Or heck, just let her dump it out a 100 times until she loses curiousity of it. ;) That would probably be pretty annoying but it would also probably work in the long run. Ever notice how your daughter plays with a toy for a few days, or a month and then tires of it and doesn't touch it again? Once they figure it out, it usually loses its appeal.

I agree with what Lissa said on your friends' children. If you'd like to get more advice on it, as there is probably a lot to address. You can join our community, the ladies there are very insightful when it comes to developing behavioural strategies (if you like Lissa's advice, she's there too):

Lissa - posted on 07/02/2011




She's 10 months old that's what babies do, she has no self control yet. Imagine there was a locked door in your house but you are not allowed to look inside, how much would you want to look inside that room?
Everything valuable/breakable/dangerous needs to be put out of her reach for now. If she is touching things you don't want her to touch you need to say this is not a toy for you and give her something telling her this is a toy for her. Put up baby gates for the rooms you don't want her to go in. If you don't have one get a playpen that you can put her in if you need to. Obviously I don't mean just put her in it all the time but you may need to do things that will be dangerous if she gets in the middle of it.
As for your friends children, they are going through a lot at the moment. They will be confused, they had their house with their parents now they live with you, that's a big upheaval I would expect them to act out. Talk with your friend and decide on some house rules. Write them up an talk through them with the children. Tell them you understand it's not easy to all live together and you need to find a way to be a team and work together.
Keep it simple and make the rules apply to everyone, ask the children if they have any rules to add give them some suggestions. For instance the children might want to make it a rule that after everyone has tidied up after dinner you play a game together. A lot of situations can be avoided, if they are bored they will act out, upset they will act out.Do you have a garden? Keep it simple if they start getting over excited it's time to go outside and play, get rid of their energy. Talk through what's happening and get them involved, if you are cleaning up put on the music give them a duster and make it fun.

Good Luck

Amy - posted on 07/02/2011




Your daughter is 10 months old she learns by exploring and getting into things, you're going to have to have a lot more patience with her when it comes to teaching her. You're going to have to do a lot of redirecting, if there is something you don't want her to get at you're either going to have to move it away from her, watch her like a hawk, or put baby gates up in and keep her in an area where she is completely safe to explore. I wouldn't tap her because she's s little sponge and there is going to come a day where she's going to do it back to you. As far as the other kids go I really don't have any advice to offer. Good luck.


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Katherine - posted on 07/02/2011




Your friends kids IMO need some structure. I mean obviously.
Start reward charts with ALL of them. Have them do chores. If they mess up they don't get a sticker for that day. At the end of the week if they have so many stickers they get something special. Maybe go to the park, go to the library....something free.
I would sit down all of you and make a plan. That is completely unacceptable for them to ruin your house like that. What do the parents say?
As far as your 10 month old, yeah I echo everyone else.

Join Positive Behavior Strategies, it's a great group!

Kristina - posted on 07/02/2011




When it comes to the 10 month old i agree with Amy. Your gonna have to put things out of her reach or put her in a safe area with child gates. As for the older kids start taking things away if they are acting up take the tv away for a day if it is a certain toy that they are being naughty with take that toy away for the day and tell them why you did it. It will take a while but eventually the children will understand that they are not doing the right thing.

Good luck

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