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Need Advice!! Please Help!

Charci - posted on 05/16/2009 ( 7 moms have responded )

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My 6 year recently told me and my boyfriend that my mom talks about us when he goes over there to visit. He says she calls me a bitch and that I'm stupid. She has told him that my boyfriend ( who is not his father) doesn't love him, and loves his little brother and the baby on the way more than him. my boyfriend has been there as a father for Jevon since he was a baby. He doesn't treat him any differently. She has said many other hurtful things to my son about my boyfriend. she has done this in the past, but after we talked to her she said she would stop. Now my boyfriend doesn't want the kids to be around her anymore. I don't want this to happen but I also don't want her talking to my son like this. Please somebody help me figure out what I should do. Thank you

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Lily - posted on 05/16/2009

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First give your baby a great big hug and tell him that Grandma is wrong and that your boyfriend does love him just as much as the other babies. And tell your Mama that until she cleans up her act then she doesn't get to be Grandma. If she is going to bash you and your boyfriend then no visiting with the kids. If she wants to behave like an adult then she can visit.

Charci - posted on 05/16/2009

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Thank You everybody for replying. I've been thinking about this all day. I've even been ignoring her calls cause i didn't know what to do. At first I thought my boyfriend was taking it too far about her not seeing the kids, but now I know that it would be the best for them. Thank you so much, you all have helped.

Joann - posted on 05/16/2009

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you need to nip that in the bud tell she was out of place...and if she is a wants to be a grandma she needs to tell him things like do good in school be all you can be..not bash his mother

?? - posted on 05/16/2009

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I've kind of had a similiar problem with some family members. Not even nearly to that extent - yet. There are some incredibly negative people in my family that try to pull off their rude comments by candy coating what they say, but their meanings are very clear. I have told every single person in my boyfriend and my family if I hear ONE single negative word about another member of the family they will not be allowed any where around my son. And I put my foot down.



One member of the family has a way of "taking credit" for EVERYTHING, and while she does that, she puts down my boyfriends mother. Everytime I see her, she will say in 1 way or another that SHE had to raise my boyfriend because his mother (who is this womans own daughter) was always off doing one thing or another.

She also has a way of taking credit for the smallest things - "She had to go to work, so I had to do the dishes and the laundry and make sure he was fed and clean" and she will say that when she only had to go to work for an hour. She will also take it upon herself to do things - and then throw it in your face as if she hadn't done it - your life would have been over and the world would have ended.



So I would suggest to you - tell your mom straight up - she is never to talk to your child in that manner ever again and until she can prove that she can be a positive person ALL the time in your childs life, she has no right to be in his life. Have her over for dinner in a couple weeks and ask her if she's thought about what you said, see what she has to say and go from there - but DEFINITELY put your foot down and tell her you will not have your sons love and family diluted by her trashmouth.

Jeanne - posted on 05/16/2009

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First of all you cannot let your mother talk about you or your bf in this manner around your children. Maybe mom resents the fact that you are happy and are in a committed and wonderul relationship...you would be surprised what some people get jealous and resentful about. I think it's time for you to have a serious talk to your mother and lay down some ground rules. At first you might want to have her come see your children at your home with you around so you can monitor anything she says (try leaving the room but stay within earshot to see if she says something negative) and tell her until she agrees not to talk this way you will not be sinding the kids to see her. If she won't listen to logic tell her it is also making your son sad....maybe that will be enough to get her to quit being such a gossip.

Trina - posted on 05/16/2009

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I agree with Danielle - STAY AWAY! She is causing your son great emotional pain, regardless of whether or not he shows it. He will always wonder if what Grandma says is true and it will have a negative impact on his relationship with his step-father. It sounds like he's a good man and a good father to your sons and it's super important to foster that and not let your mother ruin it.

Your mother sounds like a real piece of work! I don't understand how any woman can talk about her child like that (calling you a bitch), especially to her grandson. It's totally inappropriate. You said you dont want to eliminate her from your life, but I think it's essential that you do, no matter how hard it is or how much it hurts. You need to show her that you are in control and that you will not stand for her talking to your son like that. It doesn't have to be forever.

However, if that is too hard for you to do, I think a reasonable alternative would be to not allow her to be alone with your kids. If you are always there with them, then whatever she says will be said in front of you.

This is such a horrible situation and I'm so sorry that you are going through it!

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I think you should just stay away from your mum for a while and don't let her see your kids for a while or talk to them on the phone (no contact at all) and then maybe she will learn to keep her opinions to herself and realise what she is missing out on, it may sound mean but if it works what the hell . And as long as Jevon knows you boyfriend loves him and doesn't treat him any different to your other children with him it doesn't matter . hope this helps a little bit

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