Need family advice

[deleted account] ( 3 moms have responded )


I am in need of some advice. I am on my second marriage (common-law) and we have been having daily arguments about what may seem to be non-sense at times and draining. At the beginning of the relationship everything seemed to be straight out of a movie. A guy falls in love with a single mom of three, has her on a high pedestal, moved mountains if he needed to. . . and then the foundation broke little by little. I believed it was "ok" to have a Facebook account and hesitated and told him that I was going to take it off. It was never my intentions to look for anyone, I was only using it so socialize. My partner did not seem to take it very well and told me that I had betrayed his trust, and by us arguing about this it let to him hitting me at times in front of my children, his daughter and his mom. It has been three years since this happened and this argument comes up every time there is an argument. When this happened it led to him communicating with a high school friend, and according to him and his mom it was ok. I did text the friend to be curteous and not talk to a married guy and she responded that he had told her that he wasn't married. His daughter in a conversation we had said that her dad was madly in love with this person and they were going to get married prior to him being with me.
On second note, there was an incident in where we had just started our relationship. He helped me with two of my boys birthday party. He helped me monetarily and he also prepared and cooked all of the food for the party. That same night my sister's husband told him that he has no right in telling the kids anything because he was not their father. My kids biological father was never around for them since he had other priorities. Since then there has always been an awkward feeling when we are at my parent's house. My parents have said that he is a bad person and have also called his daughter names. Need to say that I never mentioned anything about the Facebook situation.
I have stayed away from Facebook and I have stayed away from my family in order not to make him feel uncomfortable or unwanted. I am about to graduate and receive my Bachelor's and I am truly debating about walking to get my diploma in order to avoid confrontation or any type of awkwardness. I do feel that he is treating me like a little girl every time he gets upset and I shut down and do not communicate effectively.
Please give me some advice. I would like to gain his trust once again. We both have done mistakes in the relationship and I want to get past them.


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Kelsey - posted on 03/11/2013




I agree with the other two ladies. Once that man laid a hand on me; he would be out the door. He sounds very controlling and if you can't even be yourself around him or if you're avoiding things not to make him upset; it's not worth being in a relationship with him. It also sounds like he has a lot of trust issues if you can't even have a facebook to socialize. It's only a matter of time before he hits you again and what's stopping him from hitting your children? Get rid of the jerk and walk down, get the diploma! You worked hard to get it, celebrate it! It's not about him and his needs; it's about you and your accomplishments!

Dove - posted on 03/11/2013




The moment he laid his hand on me (if not before) I would have been out of there. He sounds like an abusive, control freak and that is NO WAY to live. Sorry... I don't have any advice on how to get past these issues cuz it doesn't sound like they will ever end.

~♥Little Miss - posted on 03/11/2013




It sounds to me like he is controlling your life, is emotionally and physically abusive, and if he is alienating you from your family, it is not a good relationship. For you to feel like you cannot walk and get your diploma, that is suppose to be a joyous occasion that you can share with everyone that loves and supports you.

I am not sure what kind of advice you are looking for, but this would not be a relationship I would stay in.

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