Need help dealing with husband and daughter constantly fighting

Dana - posted on 07/12/2013 ( no moms have responded yet )




My husband and I have been together for 13 years - we have custody of his 16 year old daughther. Her mother has not been in the picture (at least not consistently since she was 18 months old). When I first met my husband, I was amazed by the wonderful relationship he had with his then 3 year old daughter (it reminded me of the relationship I had with my own father). She wanted to be just like him and loved being with him and he loved being with her. They are very similar in personality, etc - which is part of the problem. She and I have a great relationship as well as I have been "mom" since she was three. Most people don't even know that she is my step-daughter unless we tell them. My daughter is now 16 and all she and my husband ever seem to do is fight - screaming, yelling, fights. They argue over everything. They both want things their way on their terms and neither is willing to budge an inch. They spent an hour this morning arguing about washing dishes and what was in the sink and what wasn't (we had some dishes stacked next to the sink). I try to stay out of these arguements as best I can but always seem to get sucked in and get accused of "taking sides" by one or both parties. I know that some of the issue is that they are very much alike and are both very stubborn. I also know that some of the issue is that she is a 16 year old girl and he is a man in his 40's who was raised by divorced parents - a very loving (almost too much) mother and a fairly distant father. My husband is nothing like his father and until recently he and my daugher had a VERY loving and close relationship. When they are not fighting, they get along beautifully - joking around, hanging out, being affectionate (appropriately for their relationship) but once they start fighting there is no stopping them and they both quickly escalate to screaming, name calling, etc. I have tried to talk to both of them when they are calm and it seems to help for a short time but then things get heated again and it gets ugly. I just don't know what to do anymore but I can't handle the constant fighting.

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