need help terminating father of my child's rights in NC

Lindsey - posted on 05/20/2015 ( 7 moms have responded )

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I want to terminate the rights of my almost 9 yr old daughter. He hasn't seen her since she was less than a year old. My husband wants to adopt her and I want her to have our last name too. Anyone can help me to make the process easier. NC requires that I find the father but I don't have a clue where he is and really don't want to look! Someone told me that I can file a motion of abandonment and that would help to where I wont have to look for him. We don't have a lot of money but I really feel that this needs to be taken care of.

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♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 05/22/2015

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Did you ever have a custody agreement in place? Did you ever attempt to get him involved with the child?

You cannot arbitrarily determine that he cannot have rights to his child. Only the legal system can do so. Get an attorney.

ETA: Abandonment means that you have to meet certain conditions. If, at any time, you have denied your ex access to the child, for any reason, you cannot claim abandonment.

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Raye - posted on 05/22/2015

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You really need a lawyer. Any name change or adoption must either have the consent of the non-custodial parent or the court must be satisfied that the non-custodial parent has abandoned the minor child.

I don't see what the big deal is with the child having a different last name. She is at an age that she can understand she has a different birth father. She probably has friends in school whose parents are divorced and one or both parent remarried. The only confusion I think she may have is why you didn't tell her sooner. Let her know that she is loved by your husband, and he has been (and will continue to be) her father in his heart, which is more than just in name.

Lindsey - posted on 05/21/2015

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My husband and I have talked about it years ago, and we just want her to have our last name. She has never met her biological father and knows nothing about him. She only knows that my husband has been her daddy since day one. He is the one that had the suggestion of adoption, and I feel as though that is a brave thing to step in, fill the shoes of another man that never wanted to be in her life, and has been there with her through her medical conditions, her school activities and just everything that a father should be to a child. She has questioned why she has a different last name and I avoid the question because I feel as though the time is not right, and with all the issues that she has with trying to fit in at school and other social situations, I do not want her to feel as though she was never wanted. I also feel that she is too young to understand the situations that I delt with with her father. . He is addicted to several drugs that last I heard from a good source, and he was pretty verbally abusive the last time I talked to him and that was almost 9 years ago. He had threatened me and I decided that it was the last straw. I moved, changed my phone number, and lost all contact with him and his friends. I did not want her to grow up in a drug infested environment.

Michelle - posted on 05/21/2015

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Get yourself a lawyer. They will know that laws where you are.

ETA: Why does your husband have to adopt your daughter?

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