Need help with a 14 yr old girl....

Julie - posted on 06/01/2012 ( 3 moms have responded )




I'm not a Mom, just a very concerned Aunt.

My niece is 14, she has major self esteem problems. Her parents are divorced, her mother has pretty much washed her hands of her and her father just doesnt know how to be a Dad. My parents have taken her into their home and my younger brother (her uncle) and his wife have taken her under their wing.

The problem is as far as I can tell is she has very low self esteem. She seems to be looking for the love and attention from the wrong places since she did not get the love and attention that she needed from her Mother and Father. She was put to the side with them. My parents (her grandparents) have let her live with them off and on for the past 3 years and they only want to see her happy, as do I and her other Aunts and Uncles.

The problem is my sister in law found out that our niece has gotten ahold of an old phone and has been able somehow to enable a free text messg application even though there is not any service on it. They got the phone from her today and went thru the text messgs and found pictures of her in bikini's and talking about elicit sex with other boys that are between the ages of 16-18. Apparently even a 28 year old man (who we are in the process of finding out exacty who this person is).

We are at a loss as to how to proceed with the issues at hand. And I personally am very worried about her going down the wrong path and becomming a teen mom like her mother was.

So I guess my question is, How do we help her get on a better path?

Any help would be greatly appreciated.


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[deleted account]

well i will say it bluntly.. this however has self esteem issues all because of her family not giving her what she needed...the right kind of love. If the sex issues don't stop now and she isn't takin in control. She is going to be knocked up. But, I will say too that sometimes a child will follow the footsteps of the parent that brought them up. If she is talking sex and etc to boys..She more than likely is going to that route because of not having the affection she deserved. If her aunts and uncles are there for her. Show her in every which way possible that you love her. Show her that you are there for her if she needs to talk. She needs guidance. But watch that she don't sneak out and go with the boys. I have seen this happen with my neices too.

Michelle - posted on 06/02/2012




I agree with Louise but also I highly suggest you get her in for some kind of counseling my son was having major issues with his bio dad not accepting him for who he is and the choices he was making as his bio dad does not think being a dancer or being in a school for the arts is manly enough for his son. So had him start seeing a child psychologist so he could figure out either how to talk to his dad about his feelings or at least learn to accept that his dad probably wasn't going to change and so he needed to over look his bad points. These counseling sessions really helped him he did talk to his dad and now he is much happier. A counselor may be able to help her find her self worth and accept her parents faults and realize that just because they were incapable of loving her doesn't mean that she is not loveable and that she does not need a man to feel worthy of love.

Louise - posted on 06/02/2012




You are right she is looking for love and affection through men and this is a confidence and self worth problem. What she needs is diversion therapy, get her into some sort of club that she is interested in. Either a youth club or sports or even volunteering at an animal shelter or something. Sex is not the answer here but she does not realise that. My advice would be to put her on birth control and talk to her about the dangers of unprotected sex and diseases. If she does go down this path she will have all the information she needs to make an informed choice.

It is very difficult to explain self worth to a teenager, it is something she is going to have to realise herself. If you can get the point across that sex is not the security and love she is looking for then you will be half way there.

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