Need recommendations to deal with my sons dead bet dad.

[deleted account] ( 3 moms have responded )

I am stuck in a spot. My son is almost 5 years old, his dad has been around but not grown up to take care of his responsibilities as a parent. He still lives at home with his parents, no job, has abused drugs ( and i believe he still does ), He has caused allot of problems within my family, my family hates him. Unfortunately because he doesn't take care of his responsibilities, i have to ask his parents for help which they usually do. But the main issue is that if do not let him go on the weekends then he will go to my job and my house and cause lots of problems that i cant have going on. He has already got me in a situation where i had to pull out my own personally owned hand gun to stop him from being beating up by 2 people ( i have never been in trouble before this ) and because of this i am now on felony probation for the next year. Dont get me wrong im an adult and i took action and for that i am responsible, but without him this would not have happened, not to mention many other issues i have had to overcome because of him. I know this is allot of info but i have been dealing with this "issue" for the last 8 years and we have not been together or even lived together for the last 4 atleast. But i cant seem to be able to get away from him. Please help me figure out what to do. Thank you.


Amy - posted on 12/20/2013




You need to explain to your family child support and visitation are two separate issues and just because they help you financially doesn't mean they get to deny your child's father from seeing his son. I've had very similar discussions with my parents about moving back to where they live since my ex is unable to pay child support. They don't understand that just because he doesn't contribute financially doesn't mean I get to move 4 hours away with the kids, even though I wish I could.

Your parents better start letting your son go with your ex or else you could find yourself back in court on custodial interference, or violation if visitation. As far as dealing with your ex, just communicate via text about your kids only. That way you have records of your communication. If I need to change a holiday schedule or I'm taking the kids away I always get permission from my ex via text so he can never say he didn't know.


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Ev - posted on 12/21/2013




I must add to Amy's as well and address a couple of issues in your post too.

Amy is right on all accounts. If you have a custody order in place and visitation as well, you have to abide those no matter what or he can take you to court to get you into trouble with contempt charges. If there is no custody and visitation and child support set up, do it now. Do not wait any longer because your situation from the sounds of it will only get worse over time.

You said the dad abused drugs and you think that he still did? Well, you need to have proof in the form of police reports, rehab documentation if he has gone through that, and anything else to get visitation set up for supervised or other kinds if you fear for your son's safety. Without that proof, then you can not get the judge to set up that kind of visitation.

And you said there was that incident with you having to pull the gun out to get him to stop causing problems with some other people. Why did you not call the police? That would have been more suitable and you would not have this felony probation for a year.

So the best place for you to be right now is getting a lawyer, getting the custody, visitation and child support issues solved, and working through a third party perhaps to get things done.

Jodi - posted on 12/20/2013




In addition to what Amy said, do you actually have child support and visitation orders for the child?

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