Need some help with unreasonable five year old

Christine - posted on 07/19/2012 ( 2 moms have responded )




I have the sweetest girl, however when something does not go her way she becomes unreasonable. I can't talk to her she pulls away, covers her ears, even when she is not in trouble. She says things like I am going to live on the street forever or under my bed forever. When mad she starts to destroy things. Then feels complete sadness later. She is black and white. Very independent to an extreme. I have looked at bipolar she does not show depression. She does say negative things about herself at times. She knows she is loved and I try to stay calm. That is not to be confused with that I do not set limits. I have spanked rarely but that does not do anything with this child except make her feel bad. I can send her to her room and tell her to come to me when she calms down but she often just stays in there throwing a fit until she wears herself out or falls asleep. If she has an idea like what to wear she will never, never let it go. I do not care what she picks to wear but lets face it sometimes it matters. It does not help to give her two choices because she tells me to leave she will do it herselft and does not ever need help. If I put toothpaste on toothbrush just to help she will rinse it off and then do it herself. Friends will come over and she will play a little then just goes to her room and shuts the door. I think maybe some mood disorder but it does not fall into one area. Any thoughts on this. I want her to be independent and realize her feelings matter however so do other peoples. Any thoughts?


Elizabeth - posted on 07/19/2012




Dealing with a stubborn child is soooo difficult...I have a wonderful daughter, who is the middle child, and she can be so kind hearted and loving, strong-willed and stubborn. She refuses to listen when she is upset ..infact, when she is being repremanded she hides her face and refuses to make eye contact. If I send her to her room she either throws a huge tantrum and stays up there screaming until we go get her..or she will go up begrudgingly and just play for a long time alone. Time-outs don't work..and now she is about 50 lbs and althought I can lift's hard on my body to be lugging her around while throwing a tantrum.

I feel your pain...and I think that for this type of personality they need a firm kind of discipline. What I mean is they need to know that if they do A..then B happens..and always B. No variation of B can occur if she does A. Following through is a MUST because (I know with our daughter anyway) if you let her slide just a little and give her an inch ..she takes a mile the next time.


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Jennifer - posted on 07/22/2012




Elizabeth is right!

Also, check out "Raising Your Spirited Child" and "Magic 1-2-3". They are both excellent resources. The first one helps you figure out why she does what she does and how your own temperament fits with hers. The second offers a technique for stopping obnoxious behavior and starting positive behaviors.

There was a post earlier along the same lines. My SIL, who works with kids in a childcare setting, told me they seem to lose their little minds from about May to August, when they start kindergarten. I don't know if it's the anticipation of a huge transition or what. I'm just hoping things settle here for us. We see a lot of the same things with our daughter who just turned 5.

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