Need someone´s help ASAP

Karen - posted on 03/12/2010 ( 15 moms have responded )

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My daughter´s tantrums are out of control. She is kicking screaming loud. I feel like I´m going to have a heart attack. I need someone to help me. She won´t listen to me at all. She spits and shouts. What am I doing wrong?? Please anybody.

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[deleted account]

i agree with amanda. completly ignore her, if u r at home remove her from the situation without speakin 2 her and try not 2 shout even though it is really tempting 2. if u do u r rewarding her with negative attention. by having a tantrum she is looking for attention and by giving her it u r rewarding her for not behaving. make sure u always shower her with lots of praise and attention when she is being well behaved 2. my little boy was quite similar in that he had tantrums when he was told no but after a few wks of me ignoring him when he had a tantrum (which was v difficult but worth it) he soon learned that it was better 2 behave and get lots of praise and the occasional treat than 2 misbehave x

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Kimberly - posted on 03/12/2010

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Depends on how old the child is. My oldest daughter used to have terrible tantrums, She has Aspeger's Syndrome, and this is what I usually did:

If we were going out in public, she knew ahead of time what the punishment would be if she acted up. I always counted to three, and if the behavior did not change, then action took place. For example, If we were in a restaurant, I took her to the car and put her in her car seat and waited outside the car until the tantrum was over. If we were in the grocery store, I counted to three and then I let her sit on the floor and walk away. I would go around the corner and watch her until it she was done and wait for her to come to me.
If we were at home, again I would count. If she didn't stop, she was put in her room and was not allowed out. A couple of times I had to hold the door handle to keep her in, but it only took twice for her to realize that if the behavior continued she would be stuck in there. After she was done I let her out and put my hands on each side of her face and gently explained why the bahavior was not acceptable.
It takes a lot of patience and being really strict, but After that, I never really had a problem taking her anywhere. Her dad was never really around, so I had to take her with me wherever I went.
Never be worried about what people think about you when they are witnessing the tantrum. People who have kids will understand. People who don't have no right to say anything anyways

Breanne - posted on 03/12/2010

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I watch super nanny for help, friday nights on abc. There was a show on tonight (rerun) with a 3 yr old like that but worse, spiting, punching, kicking. Just very steady control. I dont know how old your daughter is but this little boy on the show was put in his room everytime he kicked, hit, bit, spit, punched. There was no warning just put in his room and kept being put in his room until he calmed down. He would keep coming back out not listening and he would be put back in. Its just following through with the punishment. You cant back down, or give in. It has to be steady everytime, follow through with what you tell her. You also have to get on her level and make her look at you when you talk.

Katherine - posted on 03/12/2010

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How old is she? In my experience.....I have found.....that you say nothing. Take her hand, or stop whatever she is doing with out saying A WORD.

Physical, non-verbal prompts are a lot more profound than verbal :)

Leslie - posted on 03/12/2010

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Get "Magic 1,2, 3" It's a book and DVD. This stuff is easy to apply and it works!

Amanda - posted on 03/12/2010

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Oh damn that lady!! LOL Sounds like you handled that just fine. I only have a few suggestions, when the fits happen at home walk away and completely ignore her until she speaks to you normally again. As for out in public, remove her from the area take her to the car, or take her home until she chills out (unfor hard to do when something really needs to get done).

Karen - posted on 03/12/2010

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The lady at the sofa store gave her chocolate so that she can be entertained. I would not give it to her. But as soon as she saw it she wanted it badly. I punish her right away. I do not hit her. I just hold her firmly and tell her that she should not be doing what she is doing. But nothing seems to work.

Amanda - posted on 03/12/2010

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How old is your daughter? Btw a red flag went off when you said your child spat out a CHOCOLATE almond, if shes a misbehaving child why are you allowing her chocolate? And why would you give her a chocolate to eat in a sofa store? When you do punish her, is it instant? Or are you scared to punish your child in public?

Karen - posted on 03/12/2010

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And how much more firm can I get with her. I tell her that no she cannot do certain things. I go down to her level. I have tried time outs.
I feel exhausted.

Karen - posted on 03/12/2010

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This is the problem. Before I go out, I make sure that she is fed and we only go out between the hours of 10-12. That is it. We were at a sofa store and she spit out the chocolate almond that was in her mouth right onto the WHITE sofa.
I told her that she cannot spit that she can give the chocolate to mommy next time if she didn´t like it. She runs away from me. She almost broke a couple of things in site.
I am living in a country that I DON´t HAVE ANYONE to watch my daughter for the errands that I need to do. I am so worried that everything i do tell her she just won´t listen to me.

Stephanie - posted on 03/12/2010

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When my son was in this phase I would tell him to stop and use his words. If that didn't work I would walk a few steps away and ignore him. Shortly later he would calm down and walk back over. After which i would explain why he didn't get whatever it was he was yelling about and tell him that after that behavior he would not be getting whatever else. It took a couple of months but this behavior did eventually stop. Just be sure to keep an eye out for things that typically set her off and be mindful of whether she is tired or hungry which can sometime cause tantrums. Just remember those people giving dirty looks either don't have kids or have forgotten about when their kids when through this stage.

[deleted account]

You are not doing anything wrong.. It is probiley just the age.. I have a two year old and she was throwng trantrums. So i started to put her in time out.. I just choose a spot to put her on like the couch when at home. When it is just a tantrum she just has to sit there till she is done, I go down to her level and I tell her when you are done you can get down. Then when she is done she has to say sorry and give hugs and kisses. It has worked wonders for my daughter and she barley throws them anymore. When she dose something she is not suppose to, I go down to her level and look at her and in a firm voice tell her you are in time out because....of what ever she did and you have to sit here for two minutes, if she gets down I put her back and tell he you are in time out because... and put her back.. It really works.. It dose take some patients but is worth it for the out come. After she got used to it she did not try to get down and just stayed for her two minutes.. Well I hope this helps..

Christy - posted on 03/12/2010

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You need to be a little more firm with your disicpline. I stopped my daughter from screaming my crouching down to her level, taking her face between my hands, and forcing her to look at me. Then in a firm voice I would tell her NO. Screaming is not going to work, and you need to stop. Don't shout or scream, just try and stay calm and use a firm voice. This way she knows that she can't get to you by screaming and the behavior will eventually stop. Then more calm and firm you are, the quick the tamtrums will end. You have to let her know what you deem to be approtiate behavior both in public and at home. The more consistent you are, the better she will be. Good luck!

[deleted account]

Why is she throwing tantrums? What are you doing now when she throws a tantrum?



When my son decides to throw a tantrum, usually when he doesn't get his own way, I ignore him. If he's having a tantrum in the livingroom, I'll go to the kitchen or wherever. When he realizes that he's alone he'll come looking for me and the tantrum is forgotten. He hasn't had a bad tantrum while out shopping...yet...so I don't know how I'm going to deal with that until it happens. But if we pulled tantrums or misbehaved while shopping when I was little, dad would take us to the car and we had to sit there until mom was finished shopping.

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