Needing some help-My 4 year old is on his 2nd strike with daycare, if asked to leave one more time he has no place to go.

Karmi - posted on 10/31/2013 ( 1 mom has responded )




First off, I hate sharing my personal problems or information with others but I don't know where to turn to at this point. My son is 4 years old, almost 5, and he has been having some serious problems at daycare and only daycare. He does have his moments at preschool and at home, but nothing like daycare. As of today he has flipped a shelf and a couch. He kicks, spits, hits, screams, runs out the door at daycare, etc... He has seen a therapist since he was three, he has a social worker, goes to a preschool with a 1:3 ratio, it's a special preschool for children with behavioral problems, I also work a lot with him at home. His intelligence is advanced yet his maturity level is slightly behind.
Now this extreme behavior at daycare did not start until after October 5th, why October 5th? Well that was the day he witnessed his father assault me, his father who he hasn't seen in over a year and before that he hadn't seen him more then an entire month out of his life. His has been lashing out so much, crying at the drop of a hat, it is so bad that when he was content playing one day the phone rang and he jump and cried hysterically (I think because it scared him).
I don't know where to go from here, I am a single mom I have absolutely no financial help from anyone and I have to figure out what I am going to do with my son once he hits strike 3 at daycare. I'm lost, I'm so lost and so upset all the time not only because of what I went through with his father but because of the torture and trauma he has caused my son and I.
If anyone has advice, anything at all I am willing to hear it. I need something and some support from anyone. I feel like absolutely no one understands what I am going through.
Thank you for taking the time to read.


Rebekah - posted on 10/31/2013




Sorry to hear all you are going through! I'm glad your son seems to be connected to services already, but where are they in this dilemma? How is it that a daycare designed for kids with behavioral issues seem to be ready to dismiss him? I suppose they have to have their limits, but goodness... if its only been 3 weeks that the behavior has been difficult (following a trauma, no less), I would have hoped that they'd be more understanding, or equipped to manage him better, given their specialty. Would the therapist or social worker have recommendations? Social workers are supposed to have the info on what other services might be helpful for you. I don't know where you are, or what is available to you, but you could inquire to see if he might be eligible for a TSS (Therapeutic Support Staff) or a "shadow"... someone who is trained in behavioral issues that would accompany him during those difficult daycare hours to help coach/manage his behavior. A TSS would be one of several persons on a team (case manager, family therapist, etc...around here its called wrap-around services) to work with him/you to get things on track again. But, you have some services already, so I don't know if that would mean switching everything, but obviously, what's in place may not be enough if he's in danger of losing his placement in daycare. He may have to be evaluated to see if a TSS or team like that is warranted. Sounds like he is having a stress reaction to the trauma. But I am curious, any reason why it only happens at daycare and not elsewhere? What are the triggers that seem to set him off? What works in preschool and home that could be replicated at daycare?

There also may be some help for you regarding your own trauma... where I am, we have something called Crime Victims Council, which offers free help for people who have been through assaults of various kinds. I don't know if there is something comparable where you are, but its worth considering. Also, there might be counseling options at a women's shelter dealing with victims of domestic violence (not that you have to go to the shelter, but some may offer counseling services to people that remain in the community).

Are you safe? Is this guy still a threat to you or your son? Do legal actions need to be taken? Is stress ongoing for either you or your son out of fear of it reoccurring? You are definitely not alone, and you need support too, to help get you through this. Be sure you are tending to your own needs so that you can give your best to your son.

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