Neglecting to inform the other parent of health related topics.

Katrina - posted on 01/18/2013 ( 4 moms have responded )




My husband and I are separated, living in different towns and we have a two year old little girl, Rae Anna. We both have joint physical custody of her until the divorce is final. He just informed me that she has an eye doctor appointment tomorrow at one. I asked him why he didn't let me know when he scheduled the appointment, perchance I would like to attend, and he said he didn't schedule it- her doctor did. Meaning that I was uninformed of a well child visit that had already come and passed. Why was I not notified before hand? It's stated in the paperwork that we are both to notify one another promptly if concerns about health, education, or her well being come up. It's also stated that we shall both consult concerning decisions about all of the above as well. Which he neglected to do. Does this legally violate my rights? Is this something that action can be taken against?


Michelle - posted on 01/18/2013




I think you have to ask how pedantic you are going to be about these things. I have been doing shared care for over 7 years and if the boys have needed me to take them to the doctor etc I haven't always told my ex and vice versa. If it's important or something important comes from the appointment then I inform him.

Most of the time we need to stop the petty nitpicking of the orders and just get on with looking after the children.


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Katrina - posted on 01/23/2013




To all of the comments, this is a recent divorce. I haven't had the opportunity to take her to any appointments, but in the event that I scheduled one, I would inform him before hand.

I left him because he was constantly sleeping with other women, on sites for random sexual encounters, sexually abusive and neglectful but I couldn't prove anything but the infidelity. By the time I decided not to allow myself to be victimized anymore there was nothing I could do to prove him to have these qualities so that I could get full custody of my daughter. He slept with some girl while he was drunk right after I told him I wanted a divorce then came home and raped me on my couch. I had bruises on my legs that matched his fingers. 2 days later I found out the girl he slept with was going to the doctors to be checked for any STDs because she felt discomfort in her genitals. I instantly decided to go to the police and had my sister take me to file rape charges, and then went to the hospital for a rape kit. I shouldn't have waited. Because he never ejaculated inside of me there was nothing that could be proved.

He got a lawyer and tried to take my daughter from me. The only thing I could do is fight it with no help but my own competence, and I ended up with a FOTC mutual agreement on 50/50 custody- but I only have her on the weekends until I am completely on my feet. He is living with his mother and she's the one taking care of my daughter because he is never home. She schedules the appointments and cares for my daughter.

I am unhappy with this arrangement. I don't want to be further out of the loop with her healthcare and such. I asked to be kept informed of her visits with the Early On coordinator and they said that they would contact me after each visit. It's been 2 months and they haven't called once. I had to start making calls and asking questions instead. I barely see my daughter. My husband kept us secluded, 15 miles from the nearest town, and refused to let me work or get my license. This said, I had my daughter every day to myself for nearly a complete 2 years with maybe 5-10 events that I had a sitter. She was the only person in my life. I went from this to getting 2 days a week. I need to feel as though I'm still her mother and being so uninformed kills me.

Please understand that I'm not being exigent or splitting hairs where it isn't necessary. I don't trust his family or him. In an event that they had even the slightest thing to use, they would try to take my rights away completely. It's not a concern of mine, simply a fact that I take into account. His mother has an 11year old autistic son that is extremely violent and has already molested his youngest brother. The mother kept this secret and she never sought out help for him to deal with this. What if he were to touch my little girl? But I can't take this to court as a reason that I'm concerned about my daughters welfare in her being there alone with this kid, because it's simply hearsay with no evidence to back it up.

I'm in a very difficult position as it is. My roommate gave me her camcorder so that I could attempt to get a video of my husband and I talking about his younger brother in hopes that he would say something that could be used as evidence so that I could get my daughter into a safer place. I'm attempting to do this on this weekend. Maybe this will solve the entire issue for me. I'm praying. Please if you wish, do the same. I'd appreciate it.

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 01/18/2013




Do you always tell him when you're taking her for visits?

Dove - posted on 01/18/2013




He did tell you before the appointment. If your daughter is being loved and well cared for.... don't fight the petty stuff. If you can't make it to the appointment ask him to let you know how it went. You can always ask the doctor's office for a copy of the report in case he forgets any important information.

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