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Meri - posted on 12/08/2014 ( 1 mom has responded )




Hello, my name is Meri, I have 5 boys, ages 15 who is my step son, then age 10, 7, 3 & 1. I wish I would have known about this site a very long time ago! I have many things I would love some advice on from the real experts (experts being other moms). I feel like my home is just constant complete chaos. Actually I know it is, some days are better than others but for the most part there just isn't enough structure! Help please tell me how do you get your kids in a large family to work together & build structure when they are used to it one way & almost in a rut, how do I get them to actually listen & start flowing the rules together & not fighting! I had been sick for years & years & I am finally better & staying home now for the last 2 years but I am at my wits end trying to get our foly to work together or just clean up after themselves sometimes, so I can stop running around like a chicken withy head cut off! I don't expect it to be easy but I shouldn't go to bed every night feeling like I have been ran over by a truck & stressed to where I lie in bed brain storming ways I can make change happen! I know what needs to happen but implementing it is just not working!!! What am I doing wrong???


Sarah - posted on 12/08/2014




OMG! five boys, do they make a sympathy card for that? Just kidding!
I have four, two of each gender 18,15, 13, 10 boy, girl, boy, girl. For me I worked until the third arrived and was home for a number years and now I work as a school nurse. The best advice I can give is to start by talking with your husband and get him on the same page. When you face the boys you want to present a united front.
It isn't going to change overnight but if you start by laying out the rules. Post them on the fridge if you need too. Start with what is most important and then you can add from there, no hitting, no cussing, pick up your stuff etc. Let them know the consequence for disobedience, lose cell phone, TV time, computer, friend visits...obviously the consequences for the little guys will be different taking away privileges has always worked in our house.
Next assign chores, laundry, set and clear the table, help with cooking, babysitting the younger siblings, diaper changing, The 1 yo can't really do chores but the three yo can pick up his toys and if he doesn't, then take the toys away. He will learn right away.
My kids bicker all the time! If they want to argue about whether the sun will rise tomorrow, fine. I make them go stand outside to do it, in the rain, heat, snow, freezing temp- just go away so I don't have to hear your bickering. True arguments get mediated, by me or dad, there are rules to that too but maybe I've gone on too long. Start with rules and chores and consequences and STICK TO IT!

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