newborn and step children

Mika - posted on 09/21/2015 ( 2 moms have responded )




Hi, I hope someone can give me an advice or some sort of encouragement, because I'm just freaking out now.

I am due right before Xmass with my first baby who I've been longing for over the past 10 years or more. I have 2 step daughters, 8 and 9 years old who live with us full time. I love them, they love me - everything is great there. My husband has 2 more sons, but they are grown up and stay with us only on occasions. We've come a long way with girls now and they are actually seem very excited now about the new baby coming. ....Although, I already got a speach from one of the younger one asking me not to have any more kids as well as from the oldest son - nice to hear that!

Besides the fact that is killing me already for a while that it is my husband's 5th one and my 1st one (most likely and sadly the last one too) and having no experience with babies, especially newborns, I am just freaking out just from the thought of coming from the hospital home and having my step daughters at home on vacation, not having much privacy with my newborn to bond during the 1st weeks, learn breastfeeding and everything else that comes with it. I've never held a newborn in my arms, I never swaddled a baby, I never bathed a newborn...this is all going to be new to me and I want to have some time and privacy, especially during the 1st coupe weeks. I don't want to do all those things for the first time in my life in front of everybody.

Instead, I feel like the girls will be always there coming in and out of the room, not having the ability to just go quietely sit in the room and breastfeed my baby without getting disturbed 20 times during it (because that is exactly what they do now when I try to work from home, I shut the door and ask them nicely so many times not to bother me until 5 pm....and they still do it every 5 minutes.)

I love my step kids, but this is my baby. I want to cherish every single moment of it and, mainly have some privacy during the 1st weeks of her life, have time to get used to everything and I feel like this is going to be impossible.

Any advice?


Shelly Jean - posted on 09/21/2015




Hi Mika,
I totally understand your worry once your baby is born. Unfortunately you can't have your two stepdaughters leave the house for a couple weeks once the baby arrives in order for you to adjust to it, learn, and have your precious time. You can have your husband or yourself have a serious but loving talk with them about how when the baby comes he will need quiet time to rest. I have an 8 year old myself and your stepdaughters are certainly capable of understanding that. I feel like your making it seem like it's a bad thing that they will be around when honestly they can be a tremendous help!! Let them know that when a certain door is closed where you choose to breastfeed that they are not to disturb you or enter without permission. All your feelings of never have doing this or that with a newborn are totally normal. You will learn as you go. And you will be great!! And you will get your precious bonding time with the baby when the kids are at school, sleeping, watching tv, or at a family members house possibly for a weekend here or there. Your stepdaughters will be jealous of the baby in the beginning but try not to let it bother you. Theyre just kids. You dont want to exclude them out anyways because this is their new sibling! Let them do things for the baby such as picking out an outfit or grabbing a book for the baby to listen to. If you involve the baby with your stepdaughters they will appreciate it, feel important and probably understand about quiet time for the baby a little better. Hope that helps a little! And congratulations!!!


View replies by

Raye - posted on 09/22/2015




You are a mother to the step-kids, and should not cut out that part of your life when the baby comes. I agree with Shelly, try to get the kids involved, and try to get your husband on board to distract them when you absolutely need quiet time. You will figure out all the newborn stuff. And you will make some mistakes along the way. Don't beat yourself up for it. Don't punish your other kids just for being kids. Breathe. Stay calm. It will all work out.

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