Newly single Mom, new baby, too many changes! Please help!

Amanda - posted on 07/14/2014 ( 1 mom has responded )




My children's father and I split up a couple of months ago. He moved out of my house about a month and a half ago, and has a girlfriend. We have a 4 year old, and each have him 3 and half days a week. When my ex has him, he sleeps at his parent's house, but spends the days with his girlfriend and her kids. However, they do not do anything in front of the kids, (kissing, hugging) and have not explained that this is daddy's girlfriend/mommy's boyfriend. She is also very recently split from her childrens father. (They both left their relationships at the same time and got together almost immediately after moving out.) Prior to all of this, they were friends, and our kids frequently played together. My son already knew her as his friend's mom, we babysat her kids, etc. My son is very very smart, and I think knows something is different. He knows his dad lives with her on the days that he is at home with me. But he still says that she's just his friends mom and that Daddy and her are friends. I am due in 2 weeks with our second child. My ex is going to move back in with me for about 2 months, or until I go back to work to help care for the new baby, and to spend time with him because we agreed that until I'm back at work,(at which time the baby would've been with a sitter anyway), he is too young to be going back and forth. So now, I'm left wondering, is it going to be ok for my 4 year old to move in with dad's girlfriend after I go back to work and my ex leaves my house again permanently? He currently stays at his parents those days, but like I said, they're at his girlfriends house from the time he wakes up until bedtime. Using his parent's house basically as a place to sleep. Will the change of coming back home everyday, having Dad at home again, then leaving home again, moving into dad's girlfriends house (where he will go from being an only child to one of 4 kids) on top of starting to see this woman as his dad's girlfriend be too much for him? How should we handle this? Is it more damaging for him to be bouncing back to Grandmas every night just to sleep? Will he see this as his 2nd home, the way I feel he would if his Dad had his own place? Or will he feel like he's always spending the night at a friends house? I don't want him feeling stressed, overwhelmed, confused, or feeling a lack of stability. Also, there are issues with my ex's parent's. They are not very nice to my ex, and do so in front of our son at times. It was an amicable split, and we remain close friends, but they are constantly degrading him and telling him how horrible he is for leaving, how hes hurting his kids, etc. Thats the main reason for the rush on moving in with the girlfriend. Please help! I'm really very clueless here.


Ev - posted on 07/14/2014




i think it would be very confusing for your ex to move back in even if it is to help with the baby. I know you said that the boy was smart but he still does not understand the concepts of adult relationships so to him it would be like saying that dad is coming home again. Then once your son was used to dad being back, dad would be leaving again. I think you guys need to sit down and come up with a visitation that works where he is with dad some of the week and with you the rest period. Do not give the kid crossed messages.

1 Comment

View replies by

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms