no confidence and hundreds of fears

Anne - posted on 02/07/2010 ( 15 moms have responded )

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hi im a22 year old single parent and i really have no confidence at all not wit myself or my parentin i feel im not enough for my 2 year old daughter and shed b better off wit someone else and on top of all of that i have loads of fears bout me and my daughter i live on my own and most nites cant sleep til 5 or 6 in the mornin im emotionally and physically drained can anyone give me any advice pls

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Jodi - posted on 02/07/2010

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Anne, I think you need some professional help. It is possible you are suffering from depression and/or an anxiety disorder, and lack of sleep can make this even worse. I think you need to go and talk to a doctor and also have some counselling to help you with your confidence issues and to help you work through your fears.

Sharon - posted on 02/07/2010

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Apparently the counseling alone isn't cutting it.



You're still, OBVIOUSLY, suffering from some sort of depression.



Depression is a real illness. When you are ill and don't get better on your own you see a doctor. A doctor makes a diagnosis and offers a treatment.



Only an idiot says "yeah, no thanks. I'll just keep suffering."



You have a child who needs you. You aren't allowed to say you won't do something that will benefit her.



Other wise. I agree. You aren't enough for her, maybe you should find adoptive parents for her.

15 Comments

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Dawn - posted on 02/07/2010

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Honey you need to surround yourself with supportive people... People who will tell you how good of a mommy you are. I have three kids and it is hard to not lose who you are because you are so focused on your kids. Find a good therapist that fits you and you might have to open up to the idea of meds even if it is for a short period of time. Good luck and just remember you are not alone many moms experience these feelings... YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL AND YOU ARE A GOOD MOMMY

Tamra - posted on 02/07/2010

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Ok- given that you are already going to counseling here are my suggestions. I believe we are what we do and what we think about.
Spend at least 40 minutes a day being active. When we exercise- even if it is going for a long walk it is good for our brain chemistry. This alone is not enough to pull a person out of depression but it can have a mildly positive effect. Be active every day!
Also, practice thinking positive. Make a list of the good things in your life. Make a list of the good things that will be happening. (ex, my son has learned to walk, he will be learning to read, I am good at making my son laugh). Be very specific in your list. Evey night before bed sit down and go over the list of positives. Do this for at least 5 minutes.
Create a "calm place" that you go to in your mind. Make sure it is a place complete with what you see and sounds. Mine is the side of a river bank with the leaves rustling in the wind. When know that you are thinking too much try and switch and think about your "calm place". Really talk to yourself about the place. I learned about this idea in Yoga class. It works wonderfully.
And lastly, keep going to counseling.
Good Luck!

Natasha - posted on 02/07/2010

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I have tried counselling with a clinical psychologist for almost a year. Apparently I do not respond well to therapy as the councillor said I had a very logical mind, however I had a real problem with controlling my anxiety, even though I think it is irrational at the time. Anyhow when I had my son I suffered quite badly with PND. My Mother and her husband had to come over every day for the first 5 months. It was horrendous. I didn't do anything about it as I don't like medication, I dont even like taking headache medication.
I went back to my docoor recently (my son is now 13months) and he said I need to do something about my anxiety and my chronic depression. He never actually gave a formal diagnosis, but eluded to generalised anxiety disorder with depression. He gave me pristiq to try and help me. I am trying for another child and I did not want to take any medication, just in case there are adverse effects to my future child. I had to search for an alternative therapy and have looked into hypnotherapy. I had my session last week and this ball of tension that I carried around constantly has diminished greatly. I would not say I have been cured, but I am looking forward to some future treatments.

Desirae - posted on 02/07/2010

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Support groups are great but you sound like you might need more help than that. If medical coverage is an issue try to find a free clinic in your area. I will even try to help you find one if you wish. You can also call your health department and ask where services are available. You are not alone. Stay strong.

Jodi - posted on 02/07/2010

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Anne, I suffered severe depression and anxiety after I had my daughter, and when she was about one, I was hospitalised for it. As Krista says, many of these disorders are to do with your brain chemistry and need medication to fix them. I took medication as well as receiving some intense counselling (twice a week) to help me. At first, I was prescribed sleeping pills too, because the lack of sleep did make the problem worse, and to heal yourself when you are so sleep deprived is impossible. You don't stay on these medications forever, but they do help give a boost to your treatments.

Also, I agree with trying a different counsellor. I went through 3 different counsellors before I found one that worked for me.

Elissa - posted on 02/07/2010

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I dont believe in medication either because when I took it although I couldnt feel depressed I couldnt really feel happy either - it just created a numbness which I didnt like. My mum had 2 kids at your age, so did my mother in law and most people of their generation. My sister in law had her first kid at 23 and another friend had hers at 22 and is a single mum. So dont worry about your age or the fact you dont have a man. As long as you care about your baby you will always be the best mum for her, no one else could compare.

Find out about groups in your area. Sometimes councilling focuses too much inwards and can lead to too much introspection. I go to a breastfeeding centre every friday and am looking for a mums and babies group for another day. Talking to other women, socialising for a couple of hours a week can make all the difference and you will get more support from them than from any counsellor or self-help book. If you are in the UK you can find local groups through netmums.com. If not I'm sure there will be something similar for your country. Also check the local notices in your local paper or ask at your library.

Also, you can talk to people on the internet, add people to your circle or facebook and chat to them (you can add me if you like, I would be happy to help). But getting out and about is the best thing you can do and will help your wee girl socialise too.

Never doubt you can do this!

Krista - posted on 02/07/2010

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Anne, you might not believe in taking meds for this, but this doesn't sound like something that you can just talk yourself out of.

I'm no doctor, but I agree with Jodi -- it sounds like you have a serious anxiety disorder.

If that's the case, it has to do with your actual brain chemistry, and all the counselling in the world can only do so much.

If you had diabetes, you wouldn't skip your insulin because you don't believe in taking meds, would you? Well, this very well might be the same type of situation, except with your brain (instead of your pancreas, obviously)

Emily - posted on 02/07/2010

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Most self-help books are not worth their money. If you're not getting results from your current therapist, find someone new. When I was going through depression, I had to go through a couple therapists til I found one that was the right fit for me. You shouldn't have to suffer. Don't completely discount medications.. they don't have to be taken forever, but they can make a world of difference.

Anne - posted on 02/07/2010

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thanks for all the comments i am goin to councilin for over a year now and iv read countless self help books which helped for a while and then the fears come floodin back i dont believe in takin meds for things like this so that option is out but has anyone else gone through this and if so wat helped

Candice - posted on 02/07/2010

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I recommend you go seeing a therapist it sound like you may have post partum depression. Try not beating yourself up so much just go get the help that you need so you can be the best mother you can be

Suzanne - posted on 02/07/2010

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WOW, YOU NEED TO FIND A SUPPORT GROUP, THAT CAN HELP YOU... FEAR IS NOT OF GOD, BELIEVE IN GOD TO HELP YOU CAST YOUR FEARS AND CARES ON HIM AND HE WILL HELP YOU, GET INTO A GOOD CHURCH, SOME CHURCHES HAVE SUPPORT GROUPS FOR SINGLE PARENTS.... OR YOUR LOCAL COMMUNITY CENTER, TAKE A PARENTING CLASS, THEY HAVE FREE ONES THROUGH ADULT SCHOOLS OR COLLEGES. GOOD LUCK, REMEMBER SATAN COMES IN TO TELL US THAT WE "CAN'T" DO ANYTHING RIGHT, BUT GOD SAYS WE CAN.

Melissa - posted on 02/07/2010

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I agree with Jodi. You sound like you are depressed. You are probly stressed out over things and being a single mom it must be hard. Have you tried talking to someone? It isn't good to not sleep. I hope things get better for you. Feel free to email me if you ever need to talk

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