No discipline!

Kimberly - posted on 05/31/2010 ( 9 moms have responded )

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I am a mother of 2 boys ages 4 and 2. I have a niece and nephew ages 6 & 5 and my sister and I have 2 opposite ways of discipline. My husband and I have taught our children to respect others, treat them fair, obey adults, and listen etc. My sister and her husband on the other hand to me dont give a rats butt on what their kids do. They talk back, run all over the place, yell, jump on furniture, & call names. My son and my nephew are only 2months difference in age but we try to seclude my son from seeing or playing with his cousins for this reason. It seems like he picks up on their bad habits and it takes us about 2 days to get our son back to normal. By all means our children are no angels, but when did times change when the children are in charge of the parents. I would love it for my children to have a closer relationship with their cousins but whenever we are with them or at a family function it is always the same. One of these times I am afraid my husband is just going to blow up at them and is going to put a whole kink in the family. My youngest sons birthday party is coming up in 2 weeks and I am just dreading it. Anyone else out there have a family member like this? Any advice to correct it.

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everyone has different styles of parenting. it isnt fair for you to criticize your sister for the way she is raising her kids - just because it is different that the way you choose. if her kids are in your house, they should abide by your rules- just as you would expect your children to abide by her rules if they were in her house. unless you plan on screening every kid you child hangs out with he is going to pick up bad habits somewhere.... you just need to let him know that it isnt acceptable, and if he wants to play with these kids, he needs to remember how you raised him and what is acceptable or not.

Sarah - posted on 05/31/2010

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I have the same problem wiht my sister-in-law's kid. He is an absolute heathen, except when he's with me. I just don't allow it at my house. We have rules, we follow them and we expect everyone else who visits to follow as well. It is your home and that should be respected. If you are in a public place or at her home, then you can't really say much, except to not let your children act the same. You should not let her lack of discipline change you from following through with your children- no matter where you are. If it gets too bad with your son mimicking hers, you may have to sit down and tell her that your children cannot play together any longer. I know some may think that is extreme but I believe it is your Job as a parent to screen the influences on your children and family is not excluded from that.

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Sharon - posted on 05/31/2010

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Your sister and one of the post'ers here has a screw loose.

rampant wild children aren't enjoyable by anyone.

Your husband is entitled to blow up. I kind of hope he does. Your sister is a lazy slovenly pig to ignore her childrens discipline needs.

She is infringing on EVERYONE else by not teaching her children to AT LEAST respect other people.

Carla - posted on 05/31/2010

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Your children and your home are your responsibility--not to mention Hubby's nerves ;) I disciplined our 3 and now grandchildren. I also did not permit hitting, biting, throwing toys, tearing up house in my own home. You have every right to tell people who don't have good sense that you do not permit this. If the children want to tear their own homes up, and the parents have the money to replace everything everytime they throw a tantrum, that's their right. People have gotten so afraid that they might offend someone that they put up with absolute madness.



The birthday party is going to be in your house, and I'm sensing that you feel they will spoil it. You owe it to your child to make sure his birthday is an enjoyable one. You are not responsible for or to your sister, but you are to your child. Have a talk with Sis, either by phone before the party, or the day of the party pull Sis aside and tell her, nicely, but firmly, that this is Johnny's birthday, and I want it to be enjoyable, without trouble or drama. Sometimes you just have to let the chips fall where they may. Good luck, sweetie.

Iridescent - posted on 05/31/2010

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I have the same issue with my sister's children. She freely admits that she hasn't spent time with them, and that her and her husband had been abusing them. It doesn't change the fact that they're running wild and still have parents that do not care. They were over to visit one day recently (after not allowing them here for 2 years) and both of her boys started spitting on my floor. I told my sister she could correct their behavior immediately or they could leave. She did nothing, so I walked her children to the front porch and closed the front door. I told them when they could learn to behave they could come in the house. They left soon after. They've been back again and have behaved slightly better, and I'm aware it takes a long time for behavior changes to take effect. Make your rules clear. If you're at their house where that is the expected behavior, leave yourself.

Anne Marie - posted on 05/31/2010

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This is a tough one but I agree with your house your rules. I remember babysitting my niece for a few weeks at her home. She soon learnt my rules, my sister even adopted some of them. My niece was two at the time. When I visited one of my sisters friends with her during that time she was amazed at how well my niece listened to me and accepted some of the rules my sister did not have. I agree with if you are the only adult around you can take charge I would want someone to do it with my kids. If the parent is around and the child miss behaves just let the parent know that this behaviour is not acceptable in your home could you please correct it. Some time in conversation you could let your sister know that you would apprecieate it if the kids did behave differently in the prescense of your kids. I have children with mental health diagnosis and discipline is differnt in some houses for reasons you may not know but my kids know that the rules are different around others and they respond with that appropriately. Another thought, I would like to know how the kids are when the parents are not around. My nieces and nephews were always better behaved when the parents were not around. My mother use to say I love having the grand children over but it is so much better when the parents are not around, they behave so much better and listen better.

Tisha - posted on 05/31/2010

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it is the same way with me and my best friend. it was like i was reading something that i had written!!!! i have made it very clear to her and her kids that when they are at my house they will abide by my rules. if she doesn't like it then she doesn't need to come to my house. it got to the point where my husband didn't want them over any more so i had to say something. she doesn't say anything when i correct them. my kids are not going to get in trouble for it while hers sit there and do it. i also really try to avod going places with her if she has her kids. i can control them at my house but it's not my place away from there.

Schyla - posted on 05/31/2010

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Everyone may have different parenting styles but that doesn't mean you have to sit back and let someone elses little hooligans run rampet at your house (even if they are your sisters kids) at 6 and 5 you can (and should) sit them down and explain that their behavior is not acceptable in your home My sister's 5 year old is a holy terror EXCEPT when he's around me because he knows that auntie ain't going to stand around and let him rule the roost. If you use time outs with your children for unacceptable behavior then by all means put your niece and nephew in a time out. If your sister and her husband have an issue with this then simply explain that it is your home and you will NOT and do NOT have to tolerate rude and unacceptable behavior from anyone. If you are in a public place and their behavior is embarrassing you then take your children and your spouse and leave. You cannot tell your sister how to raise her children but you have every right to insist that at your home your rules are followed by everyone. My sister's (I have three) and my sister in laws (I have 6) all agree that if our children are misbehaving and a parent isn't there or (isn't stepping up) then an aunt or uncle has every right to step in. (say my nephew throws a handful of sand at his little brother and I'm the only adult out side I don't call his parents I place my nephew in a time out the same as I would if was my own children without fear that my sister in law will blow a gasket because I disciplined her son) This is the only advice I have. that and your within your rights to tell your sister and brother in law what the rules are at your house (start with at your house and hopefully they will carry this over to in public as well)

Lyndsay - posted on 05/31/2010

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My son's cousins are 14 months and 3 months, so there aren't a lot of behavioural problems that concern me there. However, I'm not afraid to redirect the toddler if she's doing something that's not okay. Obviously your sister isn't doing a very good job, so maybe you should take it upon yourself when they're in your presence. At least then they will be respectful sometimes, lol.

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