No supervision for 15 year old stepson.

Millie - posted on 02/20/2013 ( 2 moms have responded )




My 15 year old stepson is living with his mother who works two jobs. His mother works her second job until closing which is 9 p.m. she could be home by 10 p.m. and check to make sure her son had something to eat, check to make sure homework was dine, and to spend a little time with him and to make sure he gets to bed at a reasonable hour. His mother apparently has a man friend and according to her family members living across the street from her so usually doesn't make it home until around midnight. My stepson's mother is so wrapped up in her own life she is neglecting her son. He stays up all night on video games and has a computer that he has access to with no supervision as to what he's looking at. He misses at least one day a week of school for such things as stomachache, diarrhea, headache, foot ache, etc. He missed 40 days of school last year because of these reasons which is apparently ok, if you have a doctors excuse. His father and I found out about the 40 days absence when we went to a teachers conference. His teachers said he would be a straight A student if it wasn't for his days missed. My stepson posted on his FB on a school night that he stayed up playing his new game all night. My stepson also posted on FB about 6 months ago that nobody cares about him. My stepson is 15 and weighs about 300 lbs. It just makes me so angry when my husband/his dad says there is nothing he can do about it! I'm worried about my stepsons well being and need some answers.


Kristi - posted on 02/21/2013




Unfortunately stepparents don't have any rights. There are way too many things working against this kid. Doctor's note or not, 40 missed days is inexcusable unless it's like some sort of serious illness that requires lengthy hospital stays, etc. My daughter's school calls a truancy officer if kids miss more than 10 days of school, excused or unexcused, in one school year. Have you verified that 40 days missed with a note are truly excusable? Then neither parent is willing to be involved in his life? Why does his dad say there is nothing he can do about it? I also got involved with my stepkids teachers. Check to see if the school has a website that you can access daily. Many schools have them and each teacher has a profile, so to speak. You can see what is going on in class, their daily assignments. There is usually a page that shows their current grades, whether they've turned in their homework, their attendence. You can email or call each teacher.

What is your relationship like with him? Technically you can't authorize medical care but I was the primary care giver for my step children and I always took them to their doctor's appointments and never had any issues. The reason I'm saying this is because I was wondering if you thought he might agree to go see a nutritionist to help him get his weight under control. I would also recommend a therapist or maybe a "big brother" from the big brother/big sister program.

Do you or can you monitor his FB activity on a regular basis? I think it is important to see what he's talking about, what he wants people to know or to think about him or his life. You don't need to address every little thing you might not like, for example if he calls his teacher or his mother a bitch, leave that alone. You're looking for signs of depression, self harm, low self esteem, others bullying him, etc.

Call him. Offer to take him out to eat, some where besides Burger King. Go for walks. Go over and help him with his homework. Ask him to teach you how to play his video games. Find out what else he likes to do and if possible, see if he'll include you sometime. You obviously don't want to overwhelm him with a ton of activities all at once but you can definitely do the behind the scenes stuff right away. If you already have a good repoire (no idea how to spell that) with him, awesome...this will fall into place and have a positive effect even quicker. If you guys are just aquintances, just start off slowly and let him guide the pace of the relationship. Hopefully he will be open and grateful for your interest and involvement in his life.

My daughter's two older half sister's had pretty crappy beginning start to life and when they came to live with us, unbenounced to me, my husband began slowly but surely became more and more abusive. Fortunately, their mother had cleaned up her act by the time I got my head out of my ass and took all the girls and left. I wish you the best and so hope you are able to help your stepson. Good for you for you for taking action when nobody else will. All children deserve someone to care and to love them.

Dove - posted on 02/20/2013




If his father isn't trying to help and his mother isn't doing anything... all you can really do is be his friend. Give him the love and support that he needs. Talk to him about what he wants to do with his life and how he plans to accomplish that. Help him find a goal to strive towards.


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