not having full custody of my kid....

Melissa - posted on 04/05/2016 ( 7 moms have responded )




so me and my ex are going separate ways now. today he gave me a letter to be signed agreeing to terms of visitation. As of right now he has full custody. Only because his sister is moving in and she will be free babysitting as opposed to us paying for a sitter if she were to live with me full time. Seeing as how he works during the day and I work at night and I live more than a half hour away. He is letting me have Sunday night, monday, tuesday, and wednesday morning as visitation and any other days i want to see her, i can, as long as he agrees to it. This is not a court ordered thing... its just something he typed up and wants to get notarized. Also there is no child support that was talked about, only paying 50/50 on medical and school. Is there anything else i should watch out for or add into this agreement that i may be forgetting. I have no family to help me so i'm reaching out here.

Also, i do not plan on having this be a permanent thing. Does anyone think that there is a chance he would take me to court if i decide to go for full custody of her? and do you guys think that the letter he typed up could be used in court?

Thank you!!!!


Michelle - posted on 04/06/2016




I agree with the other ladies. Get yourself a lawyer and get custody, visitation and child support sorted out legally.
With what he is planning, he can change things as he wants and you really don't want that.
Did you live together? Who moved away?

Sarah - posted on 04/05/2016




What stood out to me the most on your post is:
" He is letting me have Sunday night, monday, tuesday, and wednesday morning as visitation and any other days i want to see her, i can, as long as he agrees to it."
You are the mother, you don't need his permission to see your own child. Evelyn is correct, get this ironed out in court. Giving physical custody to your ex because child care will be inexpensive, to me, is not a good reason. If you are comfortable then you can agree to these terms but unless it is a binding legal order, either you or he can decide not to comply at any time.

Ev - posted on 04/05/2016




There are so many red flags here. First, an agreement written up by him for you to sign and then be notarized has no legal standing at all. Right now it is he vs she having kid in this and he would not have to give her to you. Second, it should not matter if she is with you or him all the time and have custody. Unless you are a proven danger to the child, you can have 50/50 custody. Third, you should have court orders in place rather than a piece of paper that is not upheld in court unless a judge signs off on it. Just because you work nights does not mean you can not have majority of the time she is with you. He does not or should not get to dictate who has her when, where, why and how. Fourth, get a lawyer and get this done in court.

Dove - posted on 04/06/2016




You need a court order for custody, visitation, and child support. Period. If you are both getting along... why not go to mediation (through the courts) and have an agreement worked out there and then signed off on by a judge. I would not agree to him having full custody. You should both have joint legal and joint physical custody. If you are OK w/ the visitation terms... that is your call, but PLEASE have it legally done that you both have joint custody.

Raye - posted on 04/06/2016




Court orders is the best way. Having court orders allows the emotion to be taken out of it and does not allow one parent to hold the child hostage against the other. I don't know why so many women say "I don't want to take it to court" when that is their only legal protection. If you don't take it to court, you'll probably be back on the forum after a while asking how to get access to your child because the father cut you off and the police won't help. The police CAN'T help because it's not a criminal matter if there are no legally binding documents. A notarized agreement is not good enough and very rarely stands up in court.

If a parent is eligible to file for child support, then they most certainly should. It's not about sticking it to the other parent to make them pay. It's about giving the child the best upbringing they can have. If the receiving parent doesn't need the money for daily expenses, sock it away for the child's college.


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Sofia - posted on 06/30/2016




I hope you are taking everyone's advice! Just because someone says it's legally binding--doesn't mean it is. Too many red flags!

Melissa - posted on 04/05/2016




The only reason he has her is because of the free baby sitting. If I was able to have someome watch her at nights while I work for free then id have he . At the end of the paper he typed up it says if any rules are broken then it will result in legal binding documents. It makes sense money wise for him to have custody but if I ask for full custody then I'm afraid it'll go to court and neither of us wasn't that since we still get along

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