ok my son is four yrs old goes to preschool but is a little aggressive. I am afraid of putting him m

Stacey - posted on 12/22/2010 ( 15 moms have responded )




his peditrician suggested medication for him to focus and calm down. He doesn't stop until bedtime. He is jumping, running or hugging me tightly. I'm afraid his pushing will get worse. Disicipline is a whole other problem, I mostly hold him down count to 10 out loud and then tell him Matthew you know you can't scratch mommy like that, it hurts me and makes me cry. Any help would be appreciated.


Katherine - posted on 12/22/2010




And actually gently restraining him is not a bad idea. That's actually a technique used in ABA.


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Kim - posted on 01/27/2011




I think medication is a bad idea. For "disicipline" issues! At four! Change docs immediately. Any doc that would give a child that young medication without being diagnosed with mental problems is a quack! That is the craziest thing I have ever heard.

When kids are trying to lash out it is bc something is wrong. They dont know how to verbalize when they are upset. I would have him looked at by a professional pshycologist. Insist that he not be on meds if possible.

Kids that age have a lot of energy that they need to expend. Get him involved in sports (tee ball) or maybe even a karate class (for disipline). Keep him busy, take him to the park and let him play outside as much as possible. I would try every avenue possible. Meds are a last resort.

I agree with some of the people above about violence to treat violence. Holding down seems extreme. Time outs first, 1 minute for every year = 4 minutes. In an area where there are no toys or people, a corner and a chair only. Be diligent, everytime he acts up. I hope you get the help he needs.Good luck.

Stacey - posted on 12/23/2010




I think I probably would keep him back another year but the special needs preschool that he attends would not allow that.At 5 years old the child must move on, if I keep him back he would have to stay at home with me and I don't believe that would be in his best interests.He is not on a special diet but because I am diabetic and he has a high rate of getting type 2 I do not allow him to have anything with red dye. He only gets a dessert on a special occ. usually its V-8 juice, ice water and healthy food. He is awesome about eggs, pancakes, whole wheat bread/pasta we as a family have changed our eating habits. I even pack his lunch for preschool and had to get a special order signed for him not to eat the given breakfast/lunches. I wish there were a few moms who live in this area with children my son's age for play groups and time foir parents to mesh ideas. There is a support group once a month here ASNC of cabarrus county but most members have older children. does anyone else sometimes feel alone and just want someone to talk to. Is there a phone tree where a few moms can just talk? Stacey

Theresa - posted on 12/23/2010




Like you said, I would talk to your behavioral therapist about meds first. Meds are not a bad thing if they're really needed and sometimes they are REALLY needed. Putting your child on meds does NOT make you a lazy parent as one person said. If things haven't improved by next fall I would look into waiting to start him in Kindergarten for another year. Missing the cut off by that close makes him very young in his class and especially for boys (who mature slower than girls), that can be a problem in school. Just something to think about.

User - posted on 12/23/2010




What kind of diet is he on? MSG and other food ingredients, pops, fake sugars, etc...can cause behavior problems. Do some research on this and you will find a lot of articles that talk about this. Hope this helps :)

Brittany - posted on 12/23/2010




Usually a dietary handling will help a child settle down. No sugar!! Not even juice and no television has down wonders for many mothers that I know. A great thing you can do before bed is take a walk. I know it sounds simple but it can be very therapeutic for both you and him. Just go outside and let him walk around with you. Point out the trees and signs, etc. Get his attention out onto the world. Also please before you think of medicating get all of the information that is out there about these drugs. This is a very helpful website. www.cchr.org
If you would like some more help please feel free to ask!

Stacey - posted on 12/23/2010




what kind of diet are you talking about? The specialist said not to do thr Kasen free diet unless your child has diegestive issues. Matthew eats scrambled eggs for breakfast and loves yogurt, grilled cheese etc and to take that away seems like we would be going into a whole other issue with eating. He is a picky eater but good at the foods he loves. People have suggested just to take away the dairy but we gave him soy milk one time at a friend's house he hated it. I think we should call his behavioral therapist about meds instead of peds doc. His agression around other children and his nnow lack of focus is what bothers me and worries me for the upcoming new fall when he will start kindergarden. He makes the cut off date by 4 days yikes! Again ty I will keep listening and keep writing down suggestions to ask doc when we can get in to see him

~♥Little Miss - posted on 12/23/2010




Meds IMO are last resort. I agree with the other mothers about getting a full evaluation by a specialist. Pediatricians tend to throw medicine and hope it sticks. My sisters kid had been on meds since he was 4, now he is almost 16! She is a lazy parent and did not want to deal with it head on....it is terrible to see my nephew on drugs for 12 years! I definately believe diet can be a huge contributer!

Candy - posted on 12/23/2010




Have you checked out salicylate sensitivity as a possible cause? There's some evidence that diet can cause oppositional behaviour. I'm a childcare worker who's worked with kids just like yours and I think you should definitely look into it before using meds. Good luck, and I KNOW about the holding, sometimes it's all you can do and others who haven't been there shouldn't judge.

Stacey - posted on 12/23/2010




I am not trying to come off as if I restrain my child because I haven't tried any other methods. Matthew doesn't care about time out we tried a step and a chair in corner ( suggessted by autistic society here in nc) we tried putting him in his room if anyone knows autistic children they love to play alone so that def doesn't work. He has no fav toy, we don't have any video games for him he is only 4 yrs old, rt now we have puzzles, trains, books etc a trampoline etc but if you took it away and told him why he looks at you funny and goes on about his day. This is very hard for me because my degree is in ECE and I was a nanny for 16 years before having my son diagnosed. We haven't seen his behaviorial therapist for the meds issue or possibily having ADHD yet, is that my next step? He used to sit on floor with me and work on 5-6 puzzles with great focus, now he won't get through one before loosing concentration and running all over. When weather is nice I take him to park, he is an outdoors kid we play for at least an hour. We go everywhere for an hour. I travel to all kinds of cities for the Children's Musuems and we staty for one hour then he has melt downs so we leave. He is non verbal and understands what I say, he refuses to learn sign lang, he has had early intervention since 18 months old OT, Speech, Behaviorial etc. I just don't know how to disiciplince him where he will understand, and try not to be so agressive. He is my miracle and blessing I will do anything to make his life a happy, and fun one. My husband travels out of town a lot so it is mostly Matt and me. I go to school p/t online for me and workout at gym while he is at school for sanity. He used to come but got kicked out for various reasons. Lets not forget i try to tell people he maybe autistic but his actions are also of a 4 yr old boy testing his mom too! LOL Again thanks for any help, I never knew sites like this exsisited

Michelle - posted on 12/22/2010




First of all start with a full evaluation including researching any allergies as allergies can look like hyperactivity. 2nd if he does have ADHD then I highly doubt time outs will work. My son has both ADHD and ODD and the only thing that works is removing something he likes (eg. video games) a simple time out means nothing because their brains are already planning what they are going to do when they are free. We take my sons ds away for a week at a time this definitely is a punishment for me as well but it has worked for us he is now way more responsible for his own behavior. This all being said we did end up having to medicate because his aggression was an issue as he has no impulse control so though he knows it is wrong and regrets doing it he doesn't think first. Meds have helped us but are not for all children. There are all sorts of play therapies out there that work great for mild cases.

Priscilla - posted on 12/22/2010




Yes, have him evaluated 1st. Always get 2nd and 3rd opinions especially regarding medication. He very well may outgrow it. I would try new activities for him that you two could do together. Maybe find new ways to release all of that energy.

Sabra - posted on 12/22/2010




Its hard to teach a child not to be violent when your disciplining him with a form a violence. Try doing a time out instead of holding him down. If time out doesn't work (after remaining consistent after a few weeks) then try taking a favorite toy away.
If he is doing it out of frustration or anger let him cool down and then maybe have him draw a picture or tell you why he was feeling the way he was. Let him know that it is okay to be upset but it doesn't mean you can hurt people.
If he is doing it because he wants to wrestle and have fun maybe try setting up a time during the day that is wrestle time. set rules before you wrestle and make sure he knows that he only wrestles at home during wrestle time. Boys like to wrestle it is in their nature you just have to make sure that they aren't being mean about it.

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