Open marriage

Tanya - posted on 09/03/2014 ( 1 mom has responded )




I recently met a man who is in an open marriage. I discovered later he was on 4 dating websites. He pursued me for months and I finally agreed to meet. I have been single a long time. Definite attraction. What this doesn't address is the selfishness of it all. I get used and he goes back to his wife? Initially, I was bothered by the fact of hurting his family. He would state that nobody would be getting hurt. He never addressed me and my feelings. Other than stating he would protect me. On our 2nd meeting he convinced me to go to his home. Wife at work. He forgot that he needed to pick up his children early. He promised nothing sexual but within 5 minutes his pants were down .. I left soon.. Already feeling hurt due to telling me that he wanted me in his life etc. I was developing feelings already after a month of talking. She wears a ring/he does not. I find it all disturbing. Interesting how their FB shows this perfect blended family. Beautiful home, vacations.. Wife is younger. What more could he want? Repeatedly he said he wasn't selfish! I find this entire situation to be a mountain of selfishness.


Guest - posted on 09/04/2014




Well, everything we do is selfish. I mean, everything we do, we do it to make ourselves feel good, right?

Have you met the wife? Does she have relationships outside of the marriage too? It could be that they just don't value the traditional monogamous relationship, but love each other and want the stability of their relationship. Could be that they are not in love at all, but enjoy the financial and emotional stability they are able to give their children by living as a family. Could also be that his wife knows nothing about his dating escapades and he is totally deceiving her (and you, by telling you she knows), and that is just pure dishonesty.

You have to realize that in a relationship like that, he is never going to leave the wife for you or stop seeing other women. You will always be one of several women he is with. He will also never expect you to be monogamous for him. So if you are looking for a monogamous relationship, this is not the guy for you.

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