other people touching/holding/passing new baby around...

Mersina - posted on 04/30/2010 ( 13 moms have responded )




I was just wondering peoples opinions on how they felt just after having their baby-did you mind people touching the baby?? did it bother you when relatives wake the baby up and pass it from person to person? did you say anything to them?? and did your partner support you on this issue? This is my third baby and I have been hesitant for people to handle them when they are very young-does anyone else feel the same??Thanks for your help :-)


Louise - posted on 04/30/2010




I did not have a problem with people holding my babies when they were new borns as I could take them back if they started to cry. But saying that I would not allow anybody to pick my baby up if she was asleep in her cot. When people come around when they are a few months old and my babies are asleep then tough my babies sleep is more important than there cuddle.


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Victoria - posted on 05/28/2014




I have a three month old and I feel the same way. I really don't like to see ppl touching my son, especially if they did not wash their hands just prior. And I do resent them not proactively going to wash their hands before they hold my son and making me tell them to. I do feel like a major B***h! But ya know what, I decided I was going to stop caring. My son is all that matters and to be honest, some of it is a generational thing. For the longest time (I am 32) my mother did not have handwash at all the sinks in our house. I have hand wash and antibacterial sanitizer at each of mine. Some ppl don't get it. I started blogging about it and one of my husbands relatives commented "wow" as if to say I was being a B or dramatic. Too bad, you have to stop caring, bc when your kid does get sick, even though that is going to happen and its totally normal, you will still feel bad and still feel like its your fault and that you could have prevented it. So say what you need, tell ppl to put the baby down or leave it be, ESPECIALLY if they are sleeping. Its not about other ppl, and your infant does not care that "its their turn to hold him/her" so do you thing mama! :) I support ya!

Mersina - posted on 05/02/2010




Thanks everyone for your help....last time around me saying how I felt caused a huge family feud which lasted 3 years-all because I didnt want my baby touched-my partner was working 7 nights a week, from 7pm til 7 am and slept 7 days a week- so I was left to look after the house and baby alone, and like some of you I soon found that my son was unsettled and refused to sleep or stop crying if he wasnt being held. My hubby now still works night shift and we will be in the same boat again. He has no idea what it is like to look after a baby alone, and has no idea how much pressure I was under-no matter how much I told him he just couldnt understand because he didnt experience what i did....I have tried to talk to him about what will happen before the baby arrives this time so that we are all prepared but he still doesnt get what I am "carrying on about" so I just wanted to see if other mums agreed and understood or not or if I was the one with the problem. Thank you all for your help, I am going to have to do whats right for me and if that makes everyone else unhappy so be it i guess!!

[deleted account]

My first was always held in the hospital and i swear once home and i put her in her cot she roared the house down but once picked up was fine..she slept in my bed for 3years.My second was fed and put straight down and only held by family when she was asleep,the never woke her nor did she wake up ever she loved her sleep lol...and she took to her bed and slept through from day one i was blessed.

You are the one left after friends and family leave to settle a baby that is fussing because the dont want to be put down and make sure all wash hands to, at this young age there open to catching anything telling them to wash there hands before holding them will prevent them catching colds etc.

Adrienne - posted on 04/30/2010




I just had my third baby 4 weeks ago and I feel the same way. Especially this time since he is my smallest of them all. I still make everyone wash their hands before they pick him up. I hate it when they wake him up to hold him and shortly after give him back.

Nichole - posted on 04/30/2010




I didn't let anybody but family and close friend hold or tough him. I limited his exposure to other children until he was closer to 4 months (he was a premie). I hated when people would try to wake him up. He was a happy baby unless somebody would bother him. One of his great aunt got told off once. She kept waking him up just to look at his eyes and then she'd tickle his feet (she loves baby feet), well my son from the day he was born has hated people touchin his feet, he gets angry. Well she was tickin him off and leave him alone and give him to me. She tried to go on about how she's a mom and he's fine...blah blah. Well I flat told her he's my baby and when I say stop, you stop. It also drove me nuts when strangers in stores would try to touch him and rude if I pulled him away and said not to.

Jenn - posted on 04/30/2010




Well, I was a real freak with my first - you had to wash your hands first, don't wake them up, certain people I didn't let hold him, etc. With my twins, I was just happy to have someone else wanting to hold a baby and give me a rest LOL! But honestly, I don't think waking the baby up is a good idea just because someone wants to hold the baby - they can wait!

Andrea - posted on 04/30/2010




My son was in the hospital for 5 weeks after birth so my husband and I were really the ones that could hold him, but when he came home I didn't mind people holding him. I wouldn't appreciate someone waking him up though, but nobody did that.

Tara - posted on 04/30/2010




I agree with everyone else. I didnt have a problem with anybody holding my babies if they were awake, but i dont think they should be woken up if they asleep. Just point out that if they were sleeping would they like it if somebody woke them up when they were sleeping just for a cuddle.

Kerrie - posted on 04/30/2010




hi ......i have just had my first baby i have a big family and they all expected to pass her around but i said from the beginning she was not a toy never would they be allowed to wake her up.......i found it funny how strangers would reach into the buggy to touch her again i asked them please not to do this as they wouldnt like it

my partner fully supported me ith this

hope this helps your not alone in feeling the way you do xx

Karen - posted on 04/30/2010




it didn't bother me at all - when he was a newborn up until around 3 months he slept in a bassinett in the living room during the day so he was a very sound sleeper and being picked up would not wake him. once he hit the 3 month mark he didn't sleep as soundly with noise/touch so we moved him to nap in his room (where he slept at night from the start anyways) and once he was there, if anyone came in to visit they never asked to get him up and i didn't offer. on the rare occasion someone will come that hasn't seen him in a while and i will offer to wake him because i know that he will go back to sleep anyways. my husband was the same as i am...didn't really bother him either. i have to say though, IF it did bother me, i would definately be saying something. my sil didn't like her's being woke up and one day i was there and someone came in wanting to wake baby and she said no...the lady proceeded to tell her it wouldn't hurt to wake the baby and her reply was "well then you stay here the rest of the day and deal with her in an hour or so when she's overtired and cranky"...needless to say baby got to sleep!

[deleted account]

Ah this was a pet hate of mine. I had people come in and just wake my children up ( have 2 and 1 on the way) and then after they had woken them they would give a 5 minute cuddle then hand them back! I was furious. If baby was awake then i ahd no problem with family giving cuddles or fussing but in my opinion never ever ever wake a sleeping baby! I did tell some of them off and i ahd to get quiet harsh with some of them. My husband supported me cause he was usually the one who had to workt he next day and was being woken by an unsettled baby from being woken up all day!

[deleted account]

If she was happy then I was happy. It didnt bother me at all - my partner was a bit more funny about it than I was. My theory was if she was upset I could take her back to comfort her and if she was happy then there was nothing to worry about. But I do remember a few people commenting that I was more relaxed than other mums they knew so I dont know if I am the norm. Whatever the case if you arent happy with something then ask others to respect your feelings - if they care then they will and if they dont care then dont worry about hurting their feelings by asking for your baby back - she is your child and you have to do what you feel is right for her.

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