Out of controll tennage girl!!

Tasha - posted on 01/16/2010 ( 12 moms have responded )




My 14 year old sister is OUT OF CONTROL!!! :( :( :(

She sneaks out constantly, lies, is failing in school, smokes, drinks, parties, and God only knows what else!! :( Her newest adventure involved running away to a friends house for 4 days, and telling them that my mom beat her with a hairbrush so they would call CPS. Well, they did. I know for a FACT that my parents have NEVER laid a hand on her!!! (sometimes, I think that they SHOULD, but that is my opinon!!) She is SPOILED ROTTEN!! She gets EVERYTHING that she wants!! What other 14 year old do you know that has a laptop and cell phone?!?! I NEVER had those things until I moved out on my own!! My parents always said "if you want it, get a job!!" I totally agree with that!!! :( Now my mom is sooo SCARED about her telling MORE lies, that she is kissing her a** and taking her out shopping and out to eat whenever she can. It is really just a sad situation all the way around. Now she has hooked up with a 19 year old black man. Not only is he 5 years older than her, he is a CONVICTED RAPIST!!!!!!!! :( :( :( My mom is at her wits end, and I cant do anything to help her!!! I am sooo SCARED for my sisters safety, but the more we try to get her to understand what we are telling her, the more she resists!! :( :( :( Does anyone have any suggestions??? :( :( :(


Giselle - posted on 01/16/2010




my personal opinion give her some tough love is that doesn't happen get her some help counseling or just let her learn the hard way i did...everything will be fine and call the cops on that man he is no reason to be with a 14 year old girl!!!


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Jessica - posted on 06/08/2014




She is perhaps looking for love and affection that is not present in the family circle.

Try to bring the family closer.

Marie - posted on 01/16/2010




haha this sounds like my nephew, hes a very intelligent kid takes college credit classes during the summer, plays soccer and is on a traveling team and hes really good, but he is so arrogant and rude. if he doesnt get his way it results in him throwing things, or cursing at his parents. last year he got into a fight w/ his father physical his father believes in spankings but his mom doesnt and i think maybe thats where they went wrong...simply because once you teach the kids to be humble and he isnt in any way shape or form. hes called his mother a failure before this woman has a masters and is a college professor and a high school teacher, he doesnt respect his father which is his moms fault because she constantly overides his word infront of the kids. he has a laptop cell phone hes always getting hundred dollar shoes matter of fact he stole some of mine and his mom never said anything when i mentioned it. this kid takes his moms car to go to girls' house and always is trying to show us his text messages of girls saying what they want to do to him. your sister is dumb sorry but its true who the hell goes out w/ a convicted rapist it probably was underaged girls too, black or white it doesnt matter but a rapist is a rapist. send her away for a while she might cool down thats what my other sister did w/ her daughter. she was doing the same things and lying on my sister and her dad and even had the policed called and at the end of that meeting they concluded that she was lying and even put her name in the system so next time she messed up they would take her to juvie.

Sharon - posted on 01/16/2010




yeah, let cps take her. your parents should keep her cell phone and laptop, then she'll learn what hardship is.

Ellen - posted on 01/16/2010




Have you asked her why she does these things? I have recently been through a separation from the father of my kids who I was with for over 20 years. They are both acting out. Since my daughter is 18 and chose to live with her father, I can't do anything for her. When my son acts out, I tell him that his behavior is unacceptable, why it is unacceptable, and that I love him too much to let him act that way. Then I make him spend more time with me. I slowly let go of the reigns again. This is my form of tough love and it seems to be working. There is always something you can do. This process always worked with my daughter too until the separation. Suggest family counseling to your mom or individual counseling for your sister. You can also go to counseling yourself for help and ideas dealing with her or a pastor. I agree that kissing your sister's a** is not the way to go. Invite her over to watch a movie with you. Spend some quality time with her. Find other activities she can get involved in that are age appropriate. But when she throws a tantrum to get her way, giving in is not the answer. Set boundaries and let her know what those boundaries are and what the consequences will be if she violates those boundaries. Make sure that you follow through on those consequences. Good luck.

Lisa - posted on 01/16/2010




first of all invite her friends parents over and CPS and explain the situation thats happening and even so you can prove it by allowing them to set up a video camera to show the situation that she is putting you though. i would remind her life in care much tougher on children/teenagers as they are more stricter, they put them though therapy, they have curfews, limited guests at a time.

I agree that you tell the police about him. but it sounds like your sister won't listen full stop to anyone around her who is trying to help her. i would try to tell her horror stories to frighten her about this guy and ask her what happens if he tries to rape her? but due to all the lies she has told so far would anyone believe her?

I would remind your sister how lucky she is right now. the next time she runs away, when she comes back, do a trial day of what she would get as a child worker in India who practically has to feed there family on a small pittance a week. try and teach her the value of money take all her valuable stuff and expensive wear and leave her with just a bed and oxfam clothes,take her bank cards, money, phone and laptop off her for a set time limit (week or longer) also ground her, don't buy treats snacks even for her, never mind clothes.

to get her to school even walk her to school and make sure she gets to class and get teachers to keep updates on her all the time if it gets to drastic measures and if she doesn't turn up. it's a week of dishes and grounding for example.

If she keeps running away call the police, give names of her friends and ask them to pay them a visit to get her back home asp and ask advice from the local authority's.

Kelsey - posted on 01/16/2010




iv been there..and done most things she has...i used to snake out at 13 to mi bfs place all the time i was smoking pot drinking skipping school you name it...best thing your mom can do is lay down the rules...call the cops if she knows that your sister is having sex with this bf of hers...depending on where you live that is considered rape...and if she is doing drugs your mom many not want to but take her down to the cop shop....turn her in..maybe a few months on probation and a curfew will set her straight

Brittany - posted on 01/16/2010




omg. im so sorry to hear that. and i thought that i was out of control?! i wasnt that bad at all. and im out on my own with a 15 month old baby. and im only 18. My advice is, stop doing all that stuff for her. Honestly, as mean as this sounds, send her a$$ to boot camp for a while. I bet shes just getting in with the wrong group of people. and getting her away from them would probably help out a lot. i wish you, and your parents the best of luck. i put my parents through hell when i lived with them. and eventually i grew up and realized how great they were for putting up with me. and hopefully she realizes it someday too.

Cindy - posted on 01/16/2010




I have went thru what no mother should go thru with her daughter and i tell you the tough love is the best thing you can do. We tried counseling, everything u name it i did it!! i had to finally say enough is enough. it kills me to see my daughter suffer but it was either that or i went to the grave due to having a heart attack due to stress. When she hits rock bottom and realizes she needs help then that is when she will get it. Until then there is nothing we can do as mothers until they admit that they need the help!

Altarra - posted on 01/16/2010




I agree with Giselle. Tough love works. I too had a teenage sister that got things that I didn't until I became an adult and worked for them. Definitely call the cops. He has no good reason to be with a 14 year old girl. But you also have to remember that teenagers rebel against anyone who tries to help them, especially if it's for their own good. That's what this sounds like is teenage rebellion. Tell your parents to ground her and put an alarm system in that she doesn't know the code to, especially on any windows in the house.

Sarah - posted on 01/16/2010




First, report the man-like Giselle said. Second your parents need to take control of the siduation and your Sister!! I'm glad to see you so concerned for you sister, but its up to your parents to act like parents. Sorry, but truth hurts sometimes. If I were your parents and if nothing else was working I put her in a teen bootcamp for troubled teens. I feel for your parents, I know it can't be easy to go thru all that. I would be crushed if my teen was doing that stuff, but I wouldn't allow it. And the CPS know that teens lie, all they have to do is have people tell them whats going on with her, to believe your parents. They should Not be afraid of their daughter!! That just gives her the power to control them. I hope your parents and family can find someway, whatever that is to get thru to her before she is raped, has an overdose or worst. My prayers are with your family.

Alexandra - posted on 01/16/2010




If I were them she wouldn't have any of those nice things, I'd take any cute clothes and replace them with plain dollar-store type stuff. You should also try to get involved as far as CPS goes and tell them the truth. Call the police with any information regarding the 19 year old. Keep a journal, dated and timed with all details of incidents involving your sister in case you need to use them for anything. If all else fails get her sent to boot camp.

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