Please give me some reassurance!

Carole - posted on 02/10/2013 ( 2 moms have responded )




I have loved my 12-year-old stepdaughter and doted on her for most of her life. I did something several months ago now to bring her mother and her closer together (previously I handled nearly all after-school activities, etc. and we were together a LOT and she always wanted to be with me), and now she really isn't interested in being around me but prefers her mother (who has always loved her and been solidly half her life, just not particularly present in her daily activities). Someone please just tell me I did the right thing and that she will be a happier kid and adult now and won't forget me completely :)
I know it's selfish to feel this way. I'm trying not to and I'm happy to miss her if it makes her a happier better person in the end so all you bio-mothers out there please don't hate the stepmother on this one - she's just sad.


View replies by

Kristi - posted on 02/11/2013





She will never forget you. Only jerks hate good step-parents. You did do the right thing helping her bond with her bio-mom. You are absolutely NOT selfish! It is very difficult to be separated from a child you consider your own and you are raising as your own.

I raised my stepson from age 18 months until 2 years ago when his father asked for a divorce. I was so devastated and had some other things going on that were causing problems for my daughter so we moved to another state. But, he was my son. I did everything a mother does. He called me mom and I never referred to him as my stepson. He and I cried and cried and he begged me to take him with my daughter and me. Obviously I had no legal standing to do so. He was very angry with his father. It was up to me to fix that. Believe me, out of spite I didn't want to. But I knew that that was not what was best for my son. They have a good bond now. But he and I don't talk much anymore. He's busy with his new buddies and he joined the student council. He and his dad go to the gym together. Plus, what boy likes to talk on the phone? He does Facetime me when he is at a place that has wifi. I know it's different from your situation but I think the feelings are probably pretty similar.

Your daughter might not realize what a major thing you did until she's older and more mature but she will figure it out. It took me awhile to figure out my parents knew what was best for me. You have every right to feel sad and even a little jealous. But, I like Cecilia's new puppy analogy, it makes a lot of sense. You might need to reach out a little more than you have had to in the past but don't be afraid to. You'll be ok. Try to stay busy and treat yourself special. xxx

Cecilia - posted on 02/10/2013




She didn't forget you. She is 12 and doesn't mean to be selfish but they all end up doing this in one form or the other. (usually with friends)

Plus you have to realize it's new to her and she will eventually find the balance to fit all her loving parents into her life again. think of it like a kid with a new puppy. At first they are gun-ho and all about the puppy. the new appeal wears down after a bit. doesn't mean they don't love the puppy. It's just when things are new you give it all your attention.

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