Please help

[deleted account] ( 1 mom has responded )

Please help i don't know what to do. I am currently having major problems with my child. If we go into a shop / mall / cafe etc and she doesn't get what she wants like a toy or a sweet etc, she will have huge tantrums and start hitting me till the point where it is so hard that it hurts tell her that it is wrong hitting people, and remain calm if people ask I just say she wanted something and I have said no. We were in a petrol station the other day, and she came in with me and wanted a magazine. i said no, and right then she hit my back and everyone saw. This lady then came up to me and tried to give her a cookie to calm her down, and started asking me all these questions about her, like school, age etc.
Its not like this all the time, only when she wants something. I am parenting alone, and feel that i am a failure when she is like this. i feel that i can't talk to anyone else about this, as all her friends are at school. Please help.
She is not like this all the time, she is a very beautiful clever girl, sporty and very intelligent.


Raye - posted on 10/17/2014




You are not a failure. It's difficult raising kids with two parents (or three or four when step-parents are involved), and one person doing it alone cannot be expected to be a miracle worker.

Let her know that her not getting what she wants is not because she's bad, but also let her know that behaving badly will never make you change your mind about buying the thing she wants. If she starts hitting, hug her to hold her arms down so she can't hit. Maybe start tickling her or making her laugh to get her out of the bad mood, but don't allow others to give her cookies or do things that reward her bad behavior.

Try talking to her like she's any other person and explain some of the why's and why not's of your decision making so she can see it's not just you being mean by saying no. If you don't want to buy a toy because she has enough toys, or whatever, tell her that she will have to go through her toys that she doesn't play with very often anymore and donate or sell a few at a garage sale and then you will buy her something to replace it. If you don't want to buy her a cookie because it's near dinner time or bed time, tell her that you don't want to ruin her dinner or get her hopped up on sugar before bed so she doesn't sleep. Let her know she will get a cookie if you are out some other time and it's earlier in the day. Then follow through on whatever you promised.

Also be consistent in when you allow her things she wants and when you don't. If she's confused that you did it one time but not another that was a similar circumstance, she will be more prone to acting out her frustration.

Try not to get discouraged. You're doing the best you can, and some day she may even grow to appreciate your efforts.

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