Please Help! When do I tell my daughter?

[deleted account] ( 2 moms have responded )

I'm an emotional wreck right now. I am 7 months pregnant, and I have this huge decision to make and I'm not sure I know when I should act on it. I have been talking to my fiance about making this decision of when to tell my 7 year old daughter that he is not her biological father, we are just so unsure of when we should tell her. We have enjoyed 6 beautiful years of raising her together without any worries of her biological father in the picture. My fiance has raised her since she was 10 months old.
She knows him and only him as her dad. She has no knowledge that he is not her biological father. Her biological father has not been a part of her life since he and I separated (she was about 7 months old.)
I have been noticing that she has been asking lots of questions like, why her sister and her have different last names, and why her sister has blue eyes and she has brown eyes. All I can do at this point is sweep it all under the rug, and dance around the questions saying "well mom has a different last name too", and "mom has brown eyes just like you". I don't know how much longer she's going to accept those answers. How much longer until she notices that brother and sisters who have the same father also have the same last name?
My fear is that if I tell her now - the wonderful relationship she has with my fiance will be ruined or different, that she will love him less, that she won't bond with the new baby, or treat her sister differently. But if I wait till she's older (say 10y/o or 12y/o) then I fear that she will be bitter, angry and resentful for keeping this from her for so long.
I just want to know if I should tell her now or should I wait? Has anyone else experience anything similar to this?


Ev - posted on 07/08/2016




Here is the deal---you should have told her from when she was just starting to understand things instead of not telling her at all. You need to do it now and not wait longer.


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Nadine - posted on 07/08/2016




A child should always know who she is. That includes who her biological father is.

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