Please help: Wife Saw Nude Photos of Exes

Mike - posted on 12/01/2014 ( 2 moms have responded )




The title says it all. Yesterday I sat down at my computer to design a Christmas card, and when I pulled up a folder of images I opened the wrong one, which contained assorted nude pictures of one ex-gf, along with other sexts I had saved in the same folder. I don't even know the girls names, or anything about them (aside from the one ex).

My wife was standing there, saw it and was shocked, then went off the handle. We have been married for five months, and now I'm afraid it's over.

I try to think why I kept this folder, and can't come up with any good reason. There isn't one really. The best I can think of is they were trophies. The pics were from when I was dating, and I haven't sought out anything like this from any other woman since my wife and I began dating again, about 2 years ago.

She's obviously devastated, jealous, insecure, and full of rage at the thought of me using them for sexual pleasure. Truth is, I hardly ever opened the folder, and I don't think I ever sat here jerking off to them. She's convinced otherwise, and thinks I have cheated on her, or have "online affairs" going on.

My wife and I have known each other for 10+ years, dated for about 6 of those with a few year break in between, which is when I slept around and had my single life flings. Our sex life is amazing, the best I could ever want and there's no comparison between her and anyone else in my past. I've told her this.

Another important thing to note is that she was deeply scarred by her first ever bf who cheated on her. And, right when we began dating the second time two years ago, one of my flings sent a VERY dirty message to my phone, which the wife saw and read. That brought a lot of deep seated insecurity and jealousy to the surface, in a similar way that this incident did.

Nothing I say holds any water. I'm completely ashamed of the entire situation. Needless to say I deleted them all and never want to see these images again.

She threw a mean right hook that caught me in the eye, screamed a lot, threw off her wedding ring, and went to spend the night at a motel. She called in sick for work tomorrow (Monday) already. She's been taking xanax to knock herself out, and when she is awake, this happens:

1. She talks about wishing she could kill herself quickly and how she can't take it, can't look at me without seeing those images.
2. She screams at me, berates me, calls me disgusting, and generally tells me what a piece of **** I am.

I get it. I certainly feel that way. Several times I thought to myself in the past that I should delete the folder, but never did. I have no emotional connection with the photos, and now that they're gone I could care less. There was never any intent on my part to use them for pleasure, or to even seek out any extramarital affairs on any level.

I need any and all advice. I'm afraid our new marriage is tarnished, and that she may leave. We moved 3000 miles from home to live in CA and start out lives together, and I feel absolutely horrible about what I've done. I understand her feelings, and they are justified.

I just don't know how to proceed, how to talk with her, convince her that she is all I need and want forever.I came here to get some advice from a group of women that I feel will be able to offer various opinions. I welcome any and all responses, good or bad, critical or compassionate...


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Dru - posted on 12/03/2014




Once hurt always on gaurd!! I speak from experience it is hard to trust show her you have come here for advice tell her exatly what she means to you and go through your computer and delete the lot!!! Show her while you are doing it let her go through your phonr and makr sure you have no seacrets. Lastly you have some apologising to do!! Good luck hope all works out well

Ev - posted on 12/01/2014




I think the best thing is to let her cool down and get calm. THen offer to go to counseling if you really want this marriage to work. I really think you should have done away with the folder 2 years ago. To her it looks suspicious because you still had the file on the computer and of course, she might be having all sorts of thoughts as to what is going on considering her emotional state right now. I would have felt the same way if I were in her shoes and I might have tossed something but not flung a fist to land it in the face. As for being jealous, I think its more shock than jealousy. Using the world jealous makes it sound like you are comparing her to some degree to these women. She should not have to feel insecure in her marriage vows at all. But now she is because of this folder of pics taken during your sowing the oats phase of life. I really think that if a person means so much to another that they would do what they could to not hurt them even knowing they had those kinds of pictures on the phone or computer. A person should take them off once they are sure that person is the one they want for the rest of their lives. In my own experience, I did not find out that my ex husband was possibly cheating with a woman he met online until I got a hold of cell phone bills and found her number on them 80 to 100 times a month for his outgoing calls and you did not see who called in so who knew how many times were her calling him back. Get the point? He did not think much about it but when I found it and turned it to my lawyer, she did use it in court. I think you should really do the counseling though.

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