Possible Extended Family: NEED ADVICE!

Halee - posted on 09/02/2012 ( 2 moms have responded )




I am 22 and legally separated. My ex and I share custody of our 2 1/2 year old son. I have been dating a new guy for almost a year now and he is amazing with my son. He is still adjusting to the change in lifestyle but is adapting well. A few mornings ago his ex-girlfriend called him and said she was making a will. She has been having medical issues and wants him to care for her son (not his child) if something happens to her. He has been there for most of the child's life and helped raise him. He told her he would be guardian if necessary. I know he cares more for this child than he does mine simply because he was there for most of the important milestones: formula, solid foods, crawling, walking, talking, etc. My son had already done most of that before my boyfriend came into the picture. I am not sure how to feel about this situation. Granted, he will only be guardian IF something happens to his ex but it's just the idea that makes me uneasy. First of all, we already have an interesting situation with my legal separation and adjusting to life as a new extended family. But to throw another child that isn't mine nor his into the mix? How should react to that? I know it is not the child's fault but my first instinct is jealously and maternal protection for my own son. I need advice. I love my boyfriend but I'm not sure if I'm ready for this.


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Michelle - posted on 09/02/2012




The reality is this other child is important to your boyfriend, so if he becomes guardian you take the kids into your home and love him as if he were your own. Your boyfriend is still getting to know your son give them time to build a bond. My SO and my son didn't really start to bond until after we were together for almost 3 years my SO left everything up to my son he would offer to do things with him but if my son was uneasy he just left it at that. Now 6 years later you would never know my son was not his they have the same mannerism and everything.

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Halee, first off I am sorry for the pain you had to go through of your separation. But, at least you have found someone again. If you love this guy, then you will except everything about him. If he would take responsible for another woman's child because he has been there for the child, then you should be very happy about this. Don't be jellous of a child. Yes, it is right for you to want to protect your son. That is normal. I am the same way.This man whom you call a boyfriend, he is someone special. Otherwise he wouldn't take in a child. This child may not be his own blood or anything. But, you had said that he has been there for this child all his life. That makes it like this child is his anyways. He is considered his daddy in the childs eyes. So, you don't have to be blood in order to be his child. It would be the same as adoption.

Besides look at it this way.. you have just got separated and your son and you are adjusting to that and this other child,...well if he looses his mom..think about what he will be going through. So, if this man takes him in. Well he is going to cling to him and if you are in the picture..he might cling to you to because of you being a woman.

But another thing anyhow..this woman could put him as the guardian..But the courts still could allow someone else to have him that is related.So, you may not have nothing to worry about. But if it don't work out to be that way..I would except it and be happy for this child to become part of the new family you want to make

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