post divorce / alientaion issues

Jenny - posted on 02/27/2013 ( 1 mom has responded )




I have never joined a community online so bare with me. I am desperate for advice. My divorce was 4 years ago and immediatley after my X began a smear campaign. He told our children, and anyone else who would listen that the only reason I would leave him was I was cheating. Our oldest two children knew better. Our friends and family, even his family - knows better. I thought that was the end of it. Our younger two were with me. I always told them that Dad and I both loved them and our divorce was between us. My X was physically and verbally aggressive during our marriage and when he began that behavior with our yournger son (14 at the time), that's when I left. Marriage over life goes on, so I thought. He stalked (GPS my car and PI) me for over a year and convinced our teenage son that since I was going out when the kids were with him, I was a slut. Dispite the fact I am home evey night with my kids, my son fell prey to it. Don"t get me wrong, when my kids are with their Dad I do go out with friends, but I am a grown up right?? Now I am seeing history repeat itself with our 12 year old daughter. What I thought was normal pre teen behavior has spiraled out of control. She now, again 4 years later, says that she knows I cheated on her dad, she doesn't trust me and now tells me she doesn't love me. I am getting her into counseling but what can I do on a day to day basis?? I cook, clean, run her and her friends, do everything I have always done! Ican't even have friends over because she is convinced that "Dad doesn't have friends cuz he is so dedicated to his children" I try to do fun things but even when we do, she may laugh and have fun, but as soon as she is talking to her Dad she says it was no fun and she hated it. He has conviced her, and our son, that when he picked a child up by their neck and slammed them into a wall, he was just parenting and I am the crazy one and now he can't parent the right way because of me. I try so hard not to yell at her when she is disrepectful and only cry when she is not around, but what can I do?? Does anyone have advice??


Jodi - posted on 02/27/2013




Definitely get her into counselling (in fact I would suggest they both see a counsellor). A counsellor would be able to tell the courts if parental alienation is going on, and as this is harmful to a child, may be able to recommend supervised visitation only. I would discuss it with a lawyer, who may be able to recommend a counsellor to you that would be happy to testify in court about the situation.

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