pregnant again

[deleted account] ( 11 moms have responded )

not sure what to do, but I have just given birth 5months ago to my second son and have just found out I'm pregnant. My partner has twin 11 year boys and my son is 3. So between us we have 4 boys. I'm so confused about whether going ahead will cause more stress to our already packed and challenging days, but I often think about the little girl I thought I'd always have but wasn't going to as my last was a boy, perhaps this is it? My parners ex wife is what I would call a nightmare and if it was just my partner and I, I wouldn't think twice about going ahead. I wonder if I would cope with two being so close together in age and my 5month old is so beautiful and calm and peaceful I also wonder how it would be if this one is a crier or has colic or a disability (my sister whom I am her carer and have been for nearly 5years has an intellectual disability, she is about to move out) and the age gap between my siblings will be identicle to my mum's, with my sister born 3rd. My partner is very supportive and quite relaxed about the whole thing but I don't know which way to go and then I think about the guilt of letting a little being go!!!!! urgh what to do?


Jennifer - posted on 02/09/2011




There is always enough love to go around. Sure you think of the stress now, but as soon as you see that little one on the sono screen and get to hold him/her for the first time, your heart will melt, and you will wonder how you ever lived without him/her. Sometimes pregnancies come by surprise, but every little baby is so precious. Sure life might get a little more hectic at times, and maybe the little one will be a crier or disabled, but he/she will be perfect in your eyes no matter what.

Krista - posted on 02/09/2011




Maybe this was meant to be. You say that if it was just you and your husband, you wouldn't hesitate to go ahead. So if going ahead with this pregnancy is something you want in your heart, why let the thought of his ex stop you?

If you do go through with the pregnancy, however, for the love of mike, make sure you use reliable contraception the second the baby is born, as you obviously catch pregnant pretty easily, my friend!


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Christy - posted on 02/10/2011




Don't fret. My babies are both 14 months apart (I found out I was pregnant again after my first was 5 months old as well). They are the best of friends now. It is hard at first. If you even think you will feel regretful about your decision to end the pregnancy DON'T DO IT. Consider adoption if anything. Not trying to be preachy, BTW. Good luck.

Louise - posted on 02/10/2011




This decision is purely yours. If you think that another child would put to much strain on your family both financially and emotionally then maybe this is not the right time for you. On the other hand could you live with yourself always wondering if that was the little girl that you wanted. How would you feel if this is another boy? It sounds like your partner is very supportive and not putting the pressure on you to decide so do some soul searching and soon to make you decision.

I think that if you have the baby you will cope, it will be hard work but you will cope, babies do not stay babies for long.

Alecia - posted on 02/10/2011




I am married and happy with my man so i would never consider an abortion unless my life was in danger (but i dont think i would consider it even i wasnt married). I just couldnt live with myself for intentionally ending it, but if it would be absolutely best for ur family...and thats only u and ur partner's choice, then do it. but i think that if u have this baby ur family will be filled with even more love. and like krista said...if ur done with babies, get some real contraceptives...BF doesnt count :p

[deleted account]

Thanks, it's always a good reminder to hear a comment like this. I'm not sure how far a long I am, I'm fully breastfeeding and haven't had a period so wasn't expecting this one, but as a few of you have said this is a blessing and when I look at my new little man and think about the idea of not having him in our lives it rips my heart. My partner's ex is controlling and very manipulating and we are in the process of making sure she isn't in our lives as much as she has been, that is where the stress lies. It's hard because he loves his boys too.Thanks for all your replies.

Vanessa - posted on 02/09/2011




I always say "everything happens for a reason" and God put this wonderful baby in your life and he will do everything he can to make sure your family is taken care of!

Linda - posted on 02/09/2011




Have your precious baby! You will never regret it if you do. The two babies who are close in age may well be best buddies. Every child is a special gift and is unique to the world; no two are alike. Your partner's ex-wife should not really influence your decision--I think if you let her, you will regret it for the rest of your life.

Amanda - posted on 02/09/2011




As the other two mothers have already said, you have to do what is best for you and your family. How far along are you? I wouldn't wish it on anyone, but you might miscarry! I hope that doesn't seem crass. My partner and I only want to have two, and I really don't know what we would do if we found ourselves pregnant after the second one. Follow your heart!

Emily - posted on 02/09/2011




Personally I would go through with the pregnancy, but that is a decision only you and your partner can make. To me, things like colic, disability, or a close age gap are minor things compared to the joy and privilege of raising a child. Not sure why your partner's ex would have any bearing on you having another child. But then, you are the one going through the stress. If your life is so stressful that it's affecting your quality of life or your children's, then ending the pregnancy could be an option.

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