Preschool transition?

Cher - posted on 04/23/2010 ( 4 moms have responded )

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Samuel started preschool this year, and we have had non stop drama since then. I have always been a SAHM, when I spoke to the preschool last year they said that they dealt with stay at home children all the time and that it wouldn't be an issue.

99% of the days that I pick him up, I am asked to come inside, for them to tell me that he has been misbehaving, throwing tantrums, and completely ignoring them. While I won't even pretend that he is the perfect child...I have never witnessed the behaviour they are describing to me. I stayed with him one day, because they requested it...and there was nothing wrong with him at all.

So far they have requested a hearing test, speech test, and behavioural test...they have all come back normal but they continue to find others for us to go to.

Should I stick it out and hope it was just a problem transitioning without me there, or look at moving him?

Any suggestions on ways I can make his (and presumably the teachers) time better, and enjoyable? I hate punishing him or taking things away from him on the teachers word alone, because I have no idea to the extent of his "bad behaviour".

One mum (when asked to stay also because of her child) said that he just looked like he was bored, and another said that I should get him tested for Autism...forgive my ignorance, but I really have no idea what that entails...

Thanks for all your help in advance.

4 Comments

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Cyn - posted on 04/23/2010

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Those might be normal actions for toddlers, but for preschoolers, we hope that they are more socially advanced and can communicate their feelings verbally vs. physically acting out. I was a Director of a Private Preschool for 9yrs. I've seen it all. This simply sounds like the average transition for a child that's ONLY been at home with mom and has had very little interaction in social situations. I do agree that the teachers need to focus on the child in POSITIVE situations and reinforce that behavior, vs. encouraging the bad behavior. I would NOT change schools, yet, meet with the teachers and director and make a plan that will work. Please let me know if you need anything else,,I'm happy to talk to you from a director's point of view or a mom's view. Hang in there!!! Love, Cyn

Cyn - posted on 04/23/2010

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Honestly, it sounds like he still needs to develop his social skills. If he's never been exposed to a group setting, this will be a HUGE transition for him and YOU. Just FYI, my daughter's transitions were always harder on me than on her. I feel the director and teachers are truly concerned, or they would simply IGNORE his behavior, so first, I would be thankful that they care. I was a director for a private prescool, so this advice is coming from me as a director's view. If I invited a Mom or parents in to help, that meant I want to make sure we are ALL on the same page. The child needs to know that just because Mom isn't there, doesn't mean she doesn't care! Once he sees you carry through with some type of discipline (that is age appropriate) that was related to school, and sees that the teachers, director, and YOU are all working together, the child usually figures out that he 'can't get away' with much. Also, since he's always been at home with you..he could just be acting out to get more one on one attention. In order to rule out the last one, I'd sit down with the teachers and Director and come up with a plan to make sure he is encouraged and ACKNOWLEDGED very often when he is doing the right things. This will allow him to feel great about himself and will show him that when he does good he also gets one on one attention. I would 'assign' a teacher to focus more on the transitioning child (this is usually the asst. teacher because the Lead teacher has many, many responsibilites). You would be surprised what a difference this can make in his behavior. Please keep us updated. However, I WOULD NOT MOVE HIM TO A DIFFERENT SCHOOL. If you do, you'll start all over, and the issue would still not be addressed. Your son is begging for attention. I don't think it's the teachers' fault, yet they possibly just need more guidance from the Director. Teachers can be trained to handle specific situations such as this. Hang in there!!

Kayla - posted on 04/23/2010

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My sister had the same problem with her son, my son starts this fall, but it was even to the point where they would "suspend" for one day. She also went on field trips and set in on his class. He did not like it when she left as they tearchers said "He is unruley, doesnt listen, and is distracted" she switch schools and so far has not had a problem since the first week he started. She actually found the teachers to be more involved with kids, it was a better enviornment..he just seem to adjust better there. As for they Autism, I wouldnt think so. They usally would have sensitivity to sight, hearing, touch, smell, or taste (for example, they may refuse to wear "itchy" clothes and become distressed if they are forced to wear the clothes) they mainly have problems with communication verbal and non verbal. I have yet to hear about misbeahving/tantrums..NORMAL TODDLER THINGS.

Michelle - posted on 04/23/2010

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I have worked in daycare for 9 years!! Children will test their boundaries with teachers every chance they get. However, if the teacher lets the child walk all over them...then they will have constant problems. Its not your child....its the teacher!!! If the director has requested that you have your child tested for behavioral disorders and the results have come back negative....that says to me that they dont want to do their job!!! Its so easy to say, "Your child may have ADD/ADHD" than it is to actually work with them to MAKE them behave!! I have had easy children and challenging children....and my end result was the same...respectful children who listened to me. I would transition him to a different class with a better teacher OR to a different school. One who is willing to work with him. Sorry...but its so easy to assume that a child has some type of disorder. Thats whats wrong with the world....and daycares!!

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