Problems with 13 year old "step" son

Jessica - posted on 07/27/2015 ( 4 moms have responded )




I am new to this forum. I am in desperate need of help though. For some background: I have been with my boyfriend for 2 1/2 years. I met his kids (a son and a daughter) a couple of months after we got together. They have almost always lived with him. His son has never given me any kind of an easy time. We moved in together 2 months ago. They were aware this was happening for several months. We moved to a half way point in between our respective ex spouses homes. His son has always been disrespectful to me. After we moved in things got pretty good for a while then started to slide again. The last incident that we had occurred yesterday. His son stole money from my son as well as money out of my purse. After a long talk, he said he stole it because he was mad at his dad and me for moving and forcing him to move to his mother's house to stay in the same school. This child has had more choices than most kids of divorce that I know. His father has tried to work with him and tried to spend as much time with him as he can. Step son is the first child to get attention, get things, etc. The other kids' needs take a back seat to his on a very consistent basis. The stealing is kind of the last straw with my patience. He's being punished but this is not the first or even second stealing occurrence that has happened. I feel like no matter what I do or say, it never makes any kind of a difference. I don't know what to do. Each incident that we have with him escalates a little. Any advice would be appreciated.


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Jodi - posted on 07/30/2015




So because you moved in together, HE had to change who he lived with. I don't blame him for being unhappy and annoyed at you. It is pretty normal for a 13 year old to project their anger on the person they perceive to be the one who caused the thing they are upset about. See, YOUR son gets to live in your home, but he doesn't. And YOU get to live in the home but he doesn't. I can see why he is upset, and he has every right to feel displaced. You knew he would be the most reactive, and yet you can't see that this decision affected him in such a big way?

Jessica - posted on 07/30/2015




We have been through family counseling. We thought we needed help from a professional to blend the family. We knew the most reactive child would be his son. After punishment for the stealing offence has been handed out, he's acting normally now. There were huge amounts of discussion prior to the move in. We started discussing it 6 months prior to actually moving in together. After much discussion everything seemed hammered out, fears relieved, and choices made.

Dove - posted on 07/27/2015




Definitely time for some family counseling. 13 is a rough age even under GOOD circumstances. It sounds like he has a lot of unresolved feelings and a professional can help you all work through this better.

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 07/27/2015




If you have not been involved in counseling to blend the families, do so. Apparently some more discussion should have happened before moving in together. How is this going to affect the children when/if the relationship doesn't work?

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