Providing Stepkids Comfort About Having to Move Constantly?

Jessica - posted on 10/02/2012 ( 1 mom has responded )




I originally posted this in another community, but realized afterwards that it isn't a very active forum and I'd really like some advice.

Ok, so they're not technically my step kids yet, but I consider them to be as I'm around for the long haul. They are two beautiful little girls, ages 5 and 8. We don't have full time custody of the kids, but have them every Wednesday, some Thursdays, and every other weekend. My fiance and I bought a house this year and moved, and had no problems with the kids. They were worried, of course, as all kids are going to be about moving. To make them feel better about it, we waited until the last weekend we had them before moving and then had them pack their own toys and clothes (with our help) and then took them over to the new house and had them unpack their own stuff. They loved it! And we've reassured them that we will have this house and live here until they're all grown up and on their own. Our house isn't the issue.

I guess the unique situation is the fact that the oldest girl is not biologically my fiance's. Her biological dad and family are in the picture, but her biological dad just kinda sucks at being a dad. My fiance has been in her life since she was less than a year old, and he is who the oldest considers her dad. The ex wife allows him visitation, because that's what is the most stable and comforting for the oldest girl. The issue is that their mom literally changes jobs and moves once or twice a year. The oldest has had to change schools every year since she has started school, and the youngest just started kindergarten. It just breaks my heart when the oldest comes and talks to me and tells me how sad she is that she always has to move away from her friends, and that all she wants is to just go to one school every year, and that she always has to lose her friends every year. What kind of comfort can I give her? We can't stop their mom from moving all the time. We've discussed that if the trend continues, we'll have to either try to get custody of the youngest or at least insist she goes to a school in our district. Because of the district rules though, the oldest wouldn't be allowed to unless they lived within the district. And it may be more detrimental to seperate the girls as far as schools go. Any opinions?


Ariana - posted on 10/02/2012




Unfortunately the best thing you can do is try to love and support her and tell her that sometimes life is difficult. It's unlikely you could get full custody of her and not much you could do the make sure she stays in the same home/school. Your fiance may want to speak to their mom and explain that the daughter is upset by this and wants to stay in the same school. You could also get the girls put into your district and just use your address if the mom was willing to do that. The most you can do is try to convince the mom.

If you can't I would suggest putting the girls into some sort of social program (girl guides or something) in your area where she could have friends in a consistant manner. Even if it's only every other weekend it can be a place where she knows she'll see pretty much be with the same girls. She'll have friends that she won't lose every time her mother moves.

It's to bad that this is happening but great that you're there to support them.

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