Rebelling Teen, advice on changing her attitude to positive!

Angela Jude - posted on 03/19/2015 ( 1 mom has responded )




I have a teen daughter who has recently started liking boys and thinks just because she likes them that she should be allowed to catch a ride home from whoever or whichever one offers her rides to or from school. Recently like 4 or 5 teenagers in our area have been killed in car accidents by making wrong judgement or showing off when weather conditions are bad out on the highways or backroads and I myself am not ready to get a phone call telling me something tragic has happened and my daughter was involved. We explained to her we needed to meet the kids who she would be riding with and make sure they know how important it is to be more cautious when they have our little girl in the car with them and she refuses to let the come out here to the house to meet us. So we end up getting a negative attitude from her that turns into everything the rest of the day or just however long she feels like rebelling or being disrespectful. My husband and I have bent over backwards and have given her everything we never had as children and spoiled her and it seems as if we aren't doing, buying, taking, or giving or just doing anything for her and giving her any and everything she wants then we are the worst, most strict, most overprotective parents ever and we receive the silent treatment until we end up doing something for her.. We recently got saved and baptized and are trying our best to live right for the Lord and she tries everything in her power to make our lives miserable if we arent giving her. her way or doing favors for her constantly. I have prayed and will continue to pray for the right thing to do... But If anyone knows what I should try please help me find my little girl who used to love everything about mommy and appreciated everything we used to do for her.. I even tell her Jesus Loves her and me every morning and I say some of my prayers out loud as I'm driving her to school and she says, Stop, I don't need you preaching to me, I already know that." i just want her to stop all this negative and start appreciating us more and giving us the respect that we deserve being I think we are wonderful parents.. She doesn't even allow me to compliment her sometimes unless we have been doing everything the way she thinks it should be going then she will but other that that she will roll her eyes or something.. Just need some advice from someone as to what I need to do with her, Hope everyone has a blessed day.. Thank you in advance!


Rebekah - posted on 03/19/2015




How old is your teen daughter? Although specific age aside, it is not unusual for teens to rebel and try to be independent. That's their developmental "job" at this stage.

However, in trying to do better for your daughter than what you had, you may have made things more difficult. Take note of your own comment that you have "given her everything" and "spoiled her any and everything she wants." If she is used to getting her way all the time, of course she is going to throw a fit if you are now trying to set rules, boundaries, or simply say "no."

She needs these boundaries as a teenager, so you must follow through. Understand that she will be angry when you say no or set limits... and understand that you are now changing the rules on her, so anger is going to be the natural response. But it is vital to stick with the rules/expectations and follow through. She is allowed to feel angry about it... teens have so much emotional angst to deal with anyway at this age. However, she must not think its ok to show disrespect. Give consequences for disrespectful behavior. DO NOT give her something she wants just to end her silent treatment (that will only teach her that the silent treatment works, and she'll keep doing it). You are the parents and your rules are for her safety and well-being. Its normal for a teen to blame their parents' rules for making them miserable! You are doing your job as a parent, and it is not in the kids' best interests to get everything they want. Part of her job as a teenager is to question the rules; with the consequences that she needs to receive, she will better understand how the rules work and why they are there in the first place. These are life lessons she needs to have.

I think a lot of kids take for granted what they have. If you want her to have more appreciation and gratitude, don't give her things freely. Have her work to earn things. If she is old enough to get a part time job, then consider that. And certainly, if she can't show respect and appreciation for you and your husband, then taking some of her privileges and precious items away will be a suitable consequence, until she can change her behavior (and earn it back little by little).

As far as the faith issue (I am a Christian as well), continue to grow in your faith. Definitely use prayer for strength and patience in dealing with the difficulty of the teen years. You don't mention if your daughter also was baptized, but her spiritual walk is going to be her own. Be a role model in your new beliefs, but don't be overly forceful or unnatural in trying to expose her to things. Teens can be more impacted by what we do than what we say. There are a ton of books out there on incorporating Christian faith into parenting. See what you can find. Good luck.

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