Rejecting Baby Number 2

Cynthia - posted on 02/18/2011 ( 9 moms have responded )




I have a 15month old daughter and I am currently 23wks pregnant with another girl.

I been feeling like distant with this pregnancy like I don't want to buy anything for her til she's born, I don't want to throw a baby shower etc. Every time I pass my the baby isle and its not for my 1st daughter I get sick and want puke, I get head-aces, and my stomach twist. Today I finally bought two outfits for her and I haven't been able to stop crying. I feel like its not fair to my first child and that she should be getting all my love not shared. My first child is my world and I can't see myself loving another like I love her. Some days I say I don't want this baby but when I say it;it hurts cuz I do want her its just hard for me to accept it. I feel like a bad mother for thinking this way I don't know what to do.I would like to know how mommies out there with 2 kids or more or is pregnant with baby number two feel/felt about having another child? How do I fix this?


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Carolyn - posted on 02/19/2011




Why all the guilt, I think you need to examine your real issue with this child. You will feel differently when she gets here. You have to ask yourself, what is so bad about this pregnancy? Were you not wanting another, or just not right now maybe? Do you have financial issues about affordable? Do you have emotional issues, are you an only child? Is it that you don't want your first child to have to share anything? Or how are you going to teach her to share & love this second child. Your feelings toward this child will carry to insecurities with your first one. If you don't feel toward this child as the first. It is very possible that your first will also reject her. She will feed off of your feelings of not wanting to care for her. I hope you talk to a professional about your feelings & at least explore the possibilities of issue. You may not have had enough time between pregnancy's & be experiencing post-pardiom depression. This will have tremendous impact on your home care for the child as well as what the present child will witness from you. Please as least inquire with your Doctor about how you feel. Only a professional will know exactly what to do. You can research on line the symptoms if you want. Please don't just blow this off as nothing it can be treated & you can over come this condition. My best to your family, I will keep you in my prayers. God Bless

Lisa - posted on 02/19/2011




Was this a planned pregnancy? Both my kids were planed. My daughter was 13 months old when we got pregnant with my now 6 months old son. I thought I never wanted a son. Couldnt picture myself with a boy and really wanted another girl but the second the ultrasound tech said its a boy I fell in love with the little man growing inside of me and when he was born I couldnt imange my life without him it'll probably be like that with you. If this wasnt a planed preganacy it probably a lot harder to except the fact she is coming but I'm sure once you see her sweet face for the first time you'll love her just as much as you love your first

Louise - posted on 02/19/2011




I know how you are feeling my first son was a dream pregnancy and I was really geared up for my second until I found out it was another boy! Scans were not done when my first children were born and I was totally convinced that he was a girl making my family a boy and a girl perfect. When the midwife handed him to me I told her to take him away. I don't know to this day why I rejected him but I did. My poor husband did not know what to do. It took me at least 4 days to bond with him and then i went the other way over protective. The tears did not stop though for at least 6 weeks as I really wanted to have a girl even though the relationship with my son was strong I seemed to hold it against him for being a boy. I have to say with time I snapped myself out of it but I was very unhappy.

I thought I had got over it but 15 years later I decided to have another baby and my husband was really concerned that if it was another boy I would go the same way. Luckily for me it was my long awaited girl. Hand on heart I don't know if I would of felt the same as I would of known the sex on a scan before the baby was born.

Believe me you will bond with this baby as it is not there fault, they did not ask to be born. A mothers love is natural it was my mind that was screwed up and nothing to do with this little bundle of joy. I am sure we are not alone in how we felt. All I can say is my relationship with all my children is the same I love them all.

Victoria - posted on 02/18/2011




I'm 22 weeks pregnant with my second girl and my older girl is 16 months. I think it's more difficult when you have same gender kids this close together. When the kids are opposite genders, then it's easier to have that emotional distance. While emotions run rampant at this stage, you may want to speak with your OB/GYN about this. It's a common problem, but I think you might need to talk with someone about it.
Your oldest will ALWAYS be YOUR baby. Even if she is the big sister now. Establish a "Just Mommy and Big Girl" activity. It's good to take some time in your day just for her. My daughter has a favorite book we read.
My husband and I are including her in our "getting ready for baby" routine. We talk about Baby Sister, wrap up dollies like babies, and taught her to give Sister hugs.
Currently I'm loving the fact I don't really need a whole lot for the new baby. Meanwhile, I get to buy all sorts of new stuff for Elisabeth. She's getting a big girl bed, new bedding, and some cute "big sister" shirts!

Amy - posted on 02/18/2011




Wild emotions are really normal during pregnancy, and some of your reactions are probably due to that. I agree with the other posters - once you hold that precious new baby you'll find you have all the love you need, and your older daughter will still get all you are giving her now. If I'm doing the math right your two will be about the same ages apart that mine are (son was 21 months old when daughter was born) - and that is a great span. They are now 4 and almost 6, and I love that they are growing up together. Try to relax and know that this will really be fine!

Jswingle - posted on 02/18/2011




I am pregnant with baby number 3. When I was pregnant with number 2 I could not imagine loving the new baby as much as my first. I even asked my friends how they did it. But it's true. Your heart just gets so big it bursts with love. And then, when you see your two children smiling at eachother, or playing together for the first time, you know you gave your children the gift of eachother. Love just grows. It's hard to believe until your baby is here, but it's true.

Medic - posted on 02/18/2011




I have two and I never once wondered how I was going to love both. I totally involved my first child in everything with my second. I didn't think it would have been fair to not let my first know the love of a sibling. They are 3 years and 4 months apart and yes his little sister gets on his nerves but the past year I have seen a side of my son I never knew was possible. He has become so loving and selfless and cares so much for his sister. I do not feel in the slightest he is missing out on anything because we decided to add to our family. I was more terrified of not having enough for both of them. Oddly enough with one I thought I had no time and with two it seems SOOOO much easier. They play together, eat together, torture me together, sleep together and it couldn't be more perfect. Just relax and enjoy the last stages of having an only child and make her part of the whole process.

[deleted account]

Well.... I got my first 2 at once and you DO wonder how you will have enough love for both of them, but the instant you see their little faces (at least for me) all those doubts just fade away. It happens and it works.

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