Relationship between my Husband & 17 year old is Toxic

Eleanor - posted on 01/02/2015 ( 1 mom has responded )




My Husband and I have been together for more than 30 years. We have had many ups/downs in our relationship but have managed to overcome many obstacles. We also have two beautiful sons, 13 & 17. It is the relationship between my oldest son & my husband that has become almost toxic. It is not good at all; arguments, disrespect ( by both parties) and sometimes full out Anger. It breaks my heart to see these two men, whom I love so much, be in constant turmoil. I understand much of it is reactionary to certain situations, but it needs to stop. My son has now stopped going to school, smoking weed and perhaps even selling. My husband is always negative with him, accusing him of something, telling him he will not amount to anything without his schooling, he is being stupid etc, etc...My husbands negativity has driven such a wedge between them, it is so hard to break through. I know he loves his son, but his expectations and desire to be right all the time has pushed my son so far away from him, and has actually caused him to make decisions that I believe are the result of the negativity he feels from his father. I know that all he really wants is to be accepted by his father, spend quality time with him etc, but my husband doesn't see any of that, just the negative stuff. I don't know how to help the situation, and it has caused, and continues to cause, such chaos in our home. Thankfully ( unfortunately) my husband works away a lot, which keeps me out of the middle of many situations/arguments, but this is just not healthy. I feel like I am losing my son as well. If his father could only see him through other peoples eyes. He goes to his friends house and he is so sweet, so respectful and quite...I hate seeing him feel so sad and angry with his father. Is there anything I can do? Is there any hope?


Michelle - posted on 01/02/2015




You all need to get into counselling. I can see your husbands point of view, he had high hopes for his children and when they don't live up to them it's disappointing.
On the other hand, you sound like a bit of an enabler with your son. What have you said to him about dropping out of school and doing drugs?
Your son needs help to get out of the situation, not to stay in it. You all need to work as a family so get some help.

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