sad/depressed. Need Advice

Lupe - posted on 03/24/2012 ( 8 moms have responded )




Well this has nothing to do with babies but I need some adive. My husband and I have been together 5 1/2 yrs. On April we will be married for 1 year. Today he brought up taking a break (I think that was his way of saying divorce) because of something that I did. We had children very young. We are in our early 20's. This is all my fault and I feel terrible. I don't know what to do. I have been crying the whole day, haven't had much to eat, I have a bad headache at this point. My daughter keeps asking me why I'm crying and I just tell her "mommy is okay, don't worry." I don't want to go into detail of what exactly happened, but I don't know what to do. I love my husband and my family and don't want to break my family apart. He is such a good father and has been nothing but good to me but I think he's had enough. If he goes through with this he will want to take the kids. I am a stay at home mom and he has a GOOD paying job. Will they give him custody? I would really appreciate some advice. Thank You.


Katherine - posted on 03/24/2012




If he leaves you and you keep your child, they will not give him custody. Of course it depends on what state you live in, but usually they give custody to the mother.

I would try to pull yourself together for your children Not to be mean, but it's not good for them to see you that upset all day.

Whatever you did should be water under the bridge. Did it happen before you're marriage? If so then he shouldn't have married you in the first place. Maybe you should try some counseling to get through it..........sometimes a third party works wonders.

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Bonnie - posted on 03/25/2012




Him wanting a break doesn't necessarily mean divorce, in fact, getting a divorce is not taking a break it is a big decision. Maybe he just wants time to gather his thoughts.

Jenni - posted on 03/25/2012




I also agree with Louise, give him a bit of time to sort himself out first before having a discussion with him.

Jenni - posted on 03/25/2012




I'm so sorry hun. *hugs*

Is there anyone who can take the children for the night maybe? Give you some time to yourself; like grandparents?

You could always ask him if he'd be interested in trying counseling before calling it quits. I doubt he'd be awarded the children because he has a job. That will count against him because he doesn't have the same amount of time as you to spend with the children. He'll also have to pay you child support (and possibly alimony) so finances won't have anything to do with the courts decisions.

I wish you the best no matter what the outcome. Maybe spending time with family and friends right now will be helpful for your emotional state.

Stifler's - posted on 03/25/2012




I agree that if he wants to take a break counselling would be a really good idea to help you get past whatever you have done.

Louise - posted on 03/25/2012




I think you know the answer to this one. If what you have done has affected him so deeply he cant see past it then either you go to therapy to put things right or you split up. As Katherine said it is unusual for a mother to lose custody of a child and the norm is that mum keeps the children and dad provides financial support.

You may be able to work through this, but for now he needs some space to think. Moving out is not always the end Lupe. My husband and I split for 2 months over christmas and we are now back together and happy. Having time apart is not always a bad thing. It helps you reflect on the relationship and decide where you go from here.

Dont contact him for a few days and then invite him round for dinner to discuss things. No pressure just chat. Hopefully you can put things right and move on.

Kay - posted on 03/24/2012




You say you think he wants a divorced, but have you actually asked him? If you are comfortable, talk to him about it and try to figure out what is going on in his head--and let him see what's going on in yours. If you really want to keep your marriage together, and he wants to get divorced, I would insist on counseling--I.e, don't sign anything until he gives it a go. I don't know if it would help at that point, so hopefully you can reach an agreement before that point. Good luck.

Neva - posted on 03/24/2012




First of all, having children early is not all your fault! It takes 2 as they say. I think before making any decisions, you two need to sit down and have a good talk about what you see your future to be, both for your relationship and for the children. This might be done with the help of a marriage counselor. Whatever happens with your relationship, the two of you will be parents of these children forever, and their welfare must come first. They should not be in a tug of war between the two of you.

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