Serious Question

Erika - posted on 03/04/2013 ( 3 moms have responded )




Okay so Im new to the site and just needed a bit of advice. I have an 16 month old daughter, me and her father werent together and he wasnt in the picture for the first 7 months of her life. His parents finally encouraged him to come around and when our daughter turned 9 months old he moved in with us. Things started off great but thn within a month started going downhill, he acted as if he didnt want to be a father and was uninterested in doing anything as a family:( his mother was active in babys life and would even keep her overnight for days, however shes one of those people who over steps their boundaries. She complained about everything I did included the babys clothes, her shoes and the way I did her hair. She expected me to dress her up everday even if we were only going to be relaxing around the house. Shes thrown her items away bc she felt they were "unsafe" for the baby and she even took It upon herself to dispose of her clothing because she felt they were too little for her. I never said anything about any of this out of respect for her son(childs father) but the final straw was when she told him to not bring her over looking they way she looked and dressed in the clothes I dressed her in! This devestated me, how In the world can you tell a mother that she shouldnt dress her child in what she wants to dress her child in? We had a verbal disagreement and I basically told her her opinion didnt matter in regards to things like how I dress her, do her hair, etc and that she needs to stay in her place and realize Im the mother and shes just the grandmother. Her son disagreed with my actions and the next morning as he was getting dressed for work(4:30 am) I noticed him doing weird things with his phone and walking around the room, so that night when he fell asleep I looked in his phone( we share a cell phone) and discovered that him and his mom took pictures of the inside of my car(a car in which he drives 95% of the time) and he took pictures of my room, and me and my child sleep on and matress and a box spring. I was once again devestated and figured the only reason he would be doing this was to try and have my child taken away from me. I asked him what it was he was doing with his phone and he told me It was none of my business so I kicked him out and wont allow him to take the baby untill something is established in court.. Ive given him plenty oppurtunities to visit her at my house but just not take her outside of the home for fear that he wont bring her back being that neither one of us have custody. I am a good mother Its just me and my daughter and I love her with all my heart, Its always been just me and her Im not a filty person, dont get me wrong Im not the cleanest person either but me and him lived together for 5 months and he's never had a problem nor has he mentioned any concerns to me about my cleanliness or the lack of. I havent let him or anyone In his family take her out of the home, its been about 3 months now. My question Is am I wrong for not letting him take her to his/his moms place, and If you wouldve handled the situation differently please tell me what you wouldve done. Sorry this is so long, I just need advice from someone who wont be biased.


Amy - posted on 03/04/2013




I don't think it's a problem but my suggestion is to get to court and get the process started especially since you are already going on 3 months. If you don't file and set up visitation then it may look like you are with-holding your daughter from her father.


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Kristi - posted on 03/04/2013




I probably am a little biased because that sounds exactly like something my first husband and his mother would do. They tried pulling crap like that with his first wife and with me. So take what I say with a grain of salt because there will probably be moms who disagree with me, as well.

IMO, you are doing the right thing. Without a custody agreement, your ex could just as easily take her and move 1,000 miles away. There wouldn't be much you could do about it. The courts move dreadfully slow and cost thousands of dollars. It doesn't sound like that is their plan but either way I wouldn't let her go either.

The only other thing you could offer them, other than coming to your house, is supervised visits. You might even need a court order to enforce that.

If you can remember any specific items she threw out document them. Keep a log of when you offer them visits and whether or not they accept. If you can, get pics or video that are date and time stamped when they are there. It will show the condition of your house so they can't say your house was filthy, etc.

I wish you this best of luck. My heart goes out to you.

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