sex at 9!

[deleted account] ( 6 moms have responded )

we have been a home school family for 9 years now. my youngest is 9 (turning 10 in January). she went to play at a new friends house on saturday and came home bubbly and happy after a day of fun. the friend had a cousin who also came to play that day. the three girls played doctor and this is where i got goose bumps! the cousin was the doctor and my daughter was the patient. the first question asked was "so are you sexually active". my daughter is informed - we had the talk earlier this year as she had questions that could only be explained by telling all - so she was shocked and asked what the girl meant. the girl then asked her "have you had sex yet and if so with how many boys?"

i was horrified enough by this, but even more so when my daughter got ready for bed and i noticed a hicky on her arm. she says the other girl showed her how to do this and she 'practiced' on her own arm.

this kind of peer influence is one of the reasons we are home schooling. the girlfriend is someone my daughter knows through swimming class. she gets taken to all her activities by a nanny. when my daughter asked if i would call her mom i said she must just give my number to the mom. she said she cant because her friends mom does not have time for her daughter. i wass shocked and said that could not be true. at this point my two teens who go to the same class told me this was true!!! the nanny takes care of everything surrounding the girl.

what kind of world are we living in where a 9 year old can be discarded like this? how scary is it that 9 year olds are discussing their sexual status in such detail (other things were said)? what do you do in a case like this? phoning the mom is obviously going to be a waste of time and energy and will only lead to anger and frustration, but if a 9 year old is thinking sex sex sex then surely she needs a real adult to help her and guide her to make good choices?

have you had an experience like this? how did you handle it?


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[deleted account]

We homeschool also but this seemed like one of the more minor reasons. We homeschool because the public schools have the no child left behind act which in turns forces our children (and many others) to get lost in the cracks while those that need more help try to catch up.

Anyway, on to your question and how to handle. I to would limit the time with he friend to supervised by you "playdates." I would also give my daughter "the talk" if you haven't already. My 14 and 7 yr olds already had all of those talks by age 6-7 yrs old. Even my 4 and 3 yr olds have had some of the talks and I expect more to come in the next few years. I would also consider talking to the mom in person. Maybe see if she can meet you for dinner one night or lunch on a weekend, coffee, tea, whatever. Just tell her you have some concerns about your daughters recent visit and would like to discuss them with her. I am sure if you laid it all out in an overly nice way then things could work out for the best for all involved. (no promises though) I do hope this helps though.

Stifler's - posted on 02/14/2011




I knew about sex when I was 9. I would give her sex education if I was you.

[deleted account]

First off, I'm sorry you have to deal with this, and I'm sorry your daughter has to deal with it as well. 9 is still so young, but so grown up too. My oldest daughter is 8 and I shudder to think of her hearing that kind of stuff in as little as a year!

If I was you, I wouldn't let my daughter go to that friend's house or have unsupervised time with the friend or the friend's cousin again.

I would also call the other mother and have a very candid talk with her regarding what was said. Even if she's not involved, she IS paying the nanny to keep a better eye on her daughter and she needs to know what her daughter's nanny is allowing. I don't know if I would approach the nanny or not, but I would express to the other mother that your daughter will no longer be visiting her home as long as the nanny is employed there and the cousin (who, from the sound of your post, is the real problem) is allowed to come over to play.

Also, is there any way to contact the cousin's mother to talk with her as well? If so, I think all the parents of all the children involved need to know exactly what was said and find out if anything is going on for real, or if it's all talk. This is where it gets into the relm of health endangerment and it needs to be taken very seriously.

I wish you the best of luck with all of this and I will keep your family in my thoughts and prayers.

Kim - posted on 02/14/2011




I think you should not let her play round there again if your 9 year old child is getting taught sex tips. Thats just wrong. I would go round there and complain that your child is getting taught sex tips! at 9! she should be taught to stay away from this kind of behavior as it could get her in trouble one day if she is asked to get naked again? she may, no one knows, unless you teach her it's wrong to let others touch that part of her until she is an appropriate age of course for the "sex talk". You must stop this, that poor girl I don't want to think how she knows that information. If you find out that this child did touch your child?

I'm sorry to put this on you but it is quite serious.
hope I haven't offended you in any way, I had no intention to do so x

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