Kris - posted on 03/30/2016 ( 16 moms have responded )
11
0
5
About a year ago, my then 12 year old told me she thought she was bi. I had a hard time with it. Yes, we talked about it, she told me it was something she would grow out of. Now she is almost 14, she has had a couple young boyfriends, but the last one broke her heart. She thought she really loved this one kid. Now, she thinks she is in a relationship with a 14 year old internet girlfriend who lives 500 miles away. I have seen pictures of this girl. She wants to be a boy. She looks like a boy. I am hoping it is just a phase. I get into arguments with her constantly about it. Her bff thinks she is gay. But they are just bffs. That is different. If she hangs out with all people who are gay or bi, wouldn't that give her ideas to be like them? I want to be a grandma someday, not have a daughter in law. I was raised Catholic. It was a bad thing sorta for people to be with same sex. Am i blowing this out of proportions? I love my daughter to death, i just want her to be "normal"
MOST HELPFUL POSTS
Ev - posted on 03/31/2016
8,355
7
919
Angela--I understand where you come from perfectly but it is not our place to judge others because that makes us guilty of another sin: Judging others. I never said that it was not a sin nor did I call it that. I was stating plain simple truths as I know them. They are people too and deserve at least a respectful response. Do you even realize how many people are this way in the world that you do not know about? The people at work, people shopping, people at the movies, people out doing lots of things. You do not know who each one is. The point is that this mom needs some advice about her Teen not be told her daughter is going to hell. Kids this day and age are exposed to a lot of things and ways of thinking and it is our job as a parent to provide a safe way for them to get those questions answered and to guide them. Yes, we want them to believe the way we do but honestly in the end it is their lives not ours.
♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 03/31/2016
13,264
21
2015
Slow your roll, Angela. You seem to be one of those "bible thumpers". Sorry, but you do. You are ALL about what the bible says, until it comes to you. Did you forget to read the verse about judgment? Judge ye not lest ye be judged. Or the verse that stated Judgment is GOD's? Not man's (or woman's).
Whether you LIKE it or not, homosexuals would not BE homosexual if God had not made them so.
Otherwise, Sarah stated it perfectly, and well stated, Sarah!
Kris, I agree with all of the others posting with the one exception. Your daughter is who she is. You cannot change that, nor should you attempt to. She is, however, in my opinion, entirely too young to be dating at all, let alone having an internet relationship.
Love your daughter. That's your job. Don't judge whether or not she's "normal", because she's perfectly normal.
Ev - posted on 03/31/2016
8,355
7
919
Kudos to the other moms who have posted here. I must say though that I have learned a lot through the years as a Christian. I know what the Bible says about these issues of sexuality. I am not going to touch on it in general as to why people feel they are those genders or not as it is not my place to judge them or tell them that they are gong through a phase or anything else. I have had some good friends (men) who were/are gay. I have not been in contact with them in years but they were there for me at a time in my life that was not good. The one was in England and we met through an internet interest group. I was careful with this too. He and I made a point not to discuss our relationships too much. But I was going through a divorce and custody so that was not much of an issue on my end. He did talk to some degree about a boyfriend he had then but it was about more or less things they did together such as concerts and what not. If not for him I think, things for me might have been different.
Your daughter is going to be who she is going to be. You can not change it nor can anyone else. It may go against your religion or belief system but that is her choice. You can not demand she marry a man and give you grandkids when she is an adult. She CAN still give you grandkids if that is your worry. There are other routes to take in that respect.
You should love her for who she is and the kind of person she is inside. That is the most important thing to teach our kids. It is what is inside that counts the most not the looks, sexual gender or preference, the money, clothing, job etc one has. You should be glad she told you at all as a lot of kids who think they are bi, gay, or trans do not always tell their families that this is how they feel for fear of being judged.
Gay people, Bi people, and Trans people are not bad. They are people just like the rest of us that live in this world and trying to make it day to day. While some are overboard in trying to push their life style on others, there are those that do not do that. That guy I posted in here about that helped me through a difficult time never pushed his life style on me. I did not tell him he was wrong. It is not a life style for me or one that I care for but in the end who am I to judge? Who are any to judge? This is your daughter you are talking about. This is a child who still needs her parents support, love, and being open to hearing her out when she needs to talk. If you shut that out, you can loose her.
As for an internet girlfriend, you should monitor her internet and social media a lot more. As was said, this person could be a predator not a 14 year old girl she is talking too. There is a story going around the web that a police officer who goes on social web sites acting as a high school kid works his way into the trust of actual kids and he can get all he needs from general conversation and he can find their school, home, and other places they go. He got that from a teen girl who was a high school cheerleader. He showed up to a game and started to look for her and found her. He told her who he was in front of her parents and then added a note to it that he was from 3 states away. The next day he gave a talk to the school about social media, internet, and predators and told the story of the girl and him. It widened the eyes of the students in her school. And I am sure you can find a lot of other similar stories too.
Dove - posted on 03/31/2016
12,536
0
1354
I'm not even going to touch on the sexuality issue... but at 14 she is WAY too young to be dating ANYONE. Period. And some girl 500 miles away on the internet?! How do you know she's not really some psycho child molester or killer that lives right down the street?! Internet safety has really escaped your home, huh? My teens know that if anyone they have not actually met IN PERSON ever contacts them online they are to block that person instantly. Period. No exceptions... I don't care who the person claims to be. There is NO WAY to know for sure and I'm not interested in my daughters ending up raped or murdered.....
Raye - posted on 03/31/2016
3,761
0
21
I agree with everything Sarah said. Love her no matter what. Keep an eye on her internet usage. Try to help her make good choices about the character of people she chooses to be around, and not worry so much about their gender. And, most important, love her no matter what. There is no such thing as "normal", so determine if you want what you want for her because you think it's the best thing for HER, or because it would make YOU feel better.
If it's grandbabies you're worried about... I know a gay couple, together for 15 years or so, that adopted two kids and one of the women also had IVF from a sperm donor to have her own child. There's no shortage of kids in the world. I never gave birth to kids of my own, but I have two wonderful step-kids that I love with all my heart. Just because they're not my blood doesn't make them any less my family.