Should I answer texts my children send when they are with their Dad?

Angie - posted on 09/02/2010 ( 16 moms have responded )




My Children have just had a very hectic summer, several holidays all back to back. First a camp from their Uniformed organisation, then their Dad took them away camping and then with me to visit family in Spain.

My eldest (13) spent a lot of time opening up to me whilst we were away telling me things like 'Daddy doesn't listen to what we want' or 'We never know if Daddy is going to come to see us'

But the worst one was him saying his Daddy shouted at him for texting me once on the 4th night of their holiday, saying 'you spend all your time texting your Mum while you are with me but never text me!'

Whilst we were in Spain I suggested everyday that one of the older 2 (13 and 11) text their Dad to tell him what we had been up to and they both said why should we he never replies.

Any suggestions on what to do?

I want them to be able to contact me if they want to and always give them the chance to text Daddy if they want to.

But should I reply?

When they text to say 'having a great time but missing you', is it wrong to reply 'so glad you are having fun and I will see you soon'?

This is just one of many things I am having to deal with but it is the rawest in my mind at the moment


Bo Lynn - posted on 09/05/2010




What if it's an important text? If your children want to talk to then talk to them. Their dad can go sit and a corner and pout. Maybe if your kids were having the times of their lives they wouldn't so worried about texting you so much heh.

Angie - posted on 09/03/2010




I absolutely think you should answer their texts. Let your children know that they are welcome to text you but only if it's an emergency and not just to whine about their father. It's important for them to have a relationship with their father and as long as they are allowed to come running to you when they are bored or being disciplined, that will never happen.
As far as their dad yelling at them, if I tell my children they can't have something or are firm with them, they say I am yelling. Take that with a grain of salt... Don't get into the middle of their relationship with their dad unless they might get hurt.

JuLeah - posted on 09/02/2010




I'd answer. Keep connection open. If their dad pitches a fit, it's on him. He is adding to or taking away from the relationship with his kids. It is between them.


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Susanne - posted on 07/10/2013




I wish my kids would text me when they with their Dad but they don't text him either when they are with me. you should text them absolutely. You are their save haven .

Sarah - posted on 09/05/2010




Absolutely. If you have a relationship with your children such that they want to be in contact with you when they are away from you, there is nothing wrong with that at all. Not anwering may make them feel let down by you. Answering them will help them feel more confident when you aren't able to be with them.

Joan - posted on 09/05/2010




i would reply . if you don't soon they will be saying why should i text you you don't respond. i think they need to have a chat with their dad and let him know that they would be more than happy to text if he would respond. maybe you should let their father know that he is causing his children to feel hurt by not responding to them.

Renae - posted on 09/05/2010




Your kids should 100% be allowed (and encouraged) to text you ANY TIME THEY WANT! You are their mother, they should have access to communicate with you all of the time.

Seriously, their dad needs to grow up. "You cant text your mum because you are with me", come on, his jealousy is his problem and he needs to deal with it and not take his issues out on his kids. When I was growing up my mum made it very clear to my dad that I was allowed to call her (mobile phones and texting didn't exist yet) any time I wanted and that if he tried to stop me he would never see me again.

You are absolutely not wrong in replying. If you didn't reply they would worry about you. Most kids call the other parent every night when they are visiting the one they dont live with. You are their mother, you raise them the majority of the time, they are going to miss you, they are only children.

I would also explain to their father that children reciprocate communication when the parent offers it first. This always happens in divorce cases, the estranged parent expects the kids to contact them first and doesn't understand that the kids are waiting for the parent to contact them. Somebody needs to be the mature adult, and it cant be your 11 or 13 year old, it needs to be the father.

ARgh! some men!

Erica - posted on 09/04/2010




the only answer I can give is where I live the child has the right to communicate with both parents unless limited but court. So yes reply

[deleted account]

Always acknowledge your kids . The lack of relationship he has w/ his kids is on him.

My girls know I will let them call their dad whenever they want. If he doesn't answer.. he never returns their messages. They haven't asked to call him in 2 months.....

Lyndsay - posted on 09/03/2010




Thats just silly. Their father needs to stop being such a petty arse. It's just a text. If he wants texts from his kids then maybe he should start replying to the ones they do send... tell him that.

[deleted account]

I think there is nothing wrong with the example you have acknowledge the text and aren't dragging on the conversation, monopolizing their time when they are with their dad. Of course answer your children when they text you, that's why they text you :) Kids get tough in their preteens/teens. They start becoming more aware of have built a relationship with your children and they are comfortable coming to you as you likely are treating them like people. You ex doesn't sound like he is really being there for the kids :( Maybe you should ask your kids if they have talked to their dad about the way they feel and see if they would? or if they would like you to confront him about it? If you and your ex can have a constructive conversation like that. I don't think I would automatically jump on your ex about it, but give the boys the option of taking care of it on their own?

Tracy - posted on 09/02/2010




Absolutely ALWAYS answer your kids!!! Your ex can pull up his big girl panties and deal with it. Your relationship with them is separate from him. My kids are pretty much the same. They always want to call me when they're with their father, but except for the once a day bedtime call, I can't get them to call him. I don't care if it bothers him, my kids are my priority, period. Keep doing what you're doing, it sounds like you've got a good relationship with them. Which is VERY important since it also sounds like they're hitting those treacherous teen years.

Theresa - posted on 09/02/2010




Sounds like daddy is just going through the motions.Meaning hes doing it because he is the daddy.Sounds to me daddy maybe taking out his frustrations on the kids.Listen to your kids.They are trying to tell you something in a subtle way .And yes answer there texts.Maybe try and get them to limit it.Then he wont feel so threatened.And let him know maybe if he answers there texts they would text him more.They need to know that when they need you your there..

[deleted account]

Why would you stop having a good relationship with you son because your ex is jealous? It doesn't make sense to me.

Your children need to have a discussion with their dad and let him know that the way he responds to them isn't appropriate. that they love spending time with him but also miss you and vice-versa. They should also let him know that they would appreciate an answer when they text him so that they know he read it.

Don't stop texting them. I think their dad is envious of the relationship he has with you and feels left out. He needs to understand that to get a relationship like you guys have, he will need to adjust his attitude. Your kids can most likely get through to him on that level. They just have to spell it out. Dad won't guess.

Shannon - posted on 09/02/2010




ALWAYS reply to ur chiildren! Ur children should be able to communicate w/ u when ever they want w/o being chastised. If u break that bond they will grow up w/ resentment

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