Should I apply for child support?

Dutch - posted on 12/18/2017 ( 8 moms have responded )

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My kids father and I broke up after 9 long years about a week before thanksgiving. I took my 2 kids and moved out the state we were in back home where my family is. I told myself I would give him a chance to do right (maybe February or March) to see if he would help out. Since I left he has given $100. Should I just go ahead and file for child support or should I continue to wait?

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Ev - posted on 12/20/2017

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Mary--I have gone through the custody, visitation and the child support issues and I know what it entails. I also know that when my ex and I split if I had tried to get the kids out of state before he filed for anything, even after he filed I would still have to come back to the state and go through the court process. Also, uprooting kids from what they know is not always the best choice either regardless of mom having relatives available to her. Do you know what it is like for kids to have their parents to break up?

Michelle - posted on 12/20/2017

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The OP also hasn't said how far away she has moved. Moving state could be as close as 20mins away or it could be 6 hours away.
She really does need to go to court to get all of the custody, visitation and child support in writing. If he wants to be nasty, like Sarah said, he could file kidnapping charges.
None of us know what these people are actually like. None of us know all the circumstances. None of us can say for sure what will happen.
The best advice for the OP is to see a lawyer and they can tell you about your circumstances. Not a bunch of Mother's on the internet who live around the world with different laws.

Sarah - posted on 12/20/2017

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Probably the most important information not addressed by the OP is whether or not she informed him and had is consent of her decision to move his children to another state?
Also, even if she does not file for child support, he can easily file for shared custody, full custody or visitation. Family court judges have a much different view on who may a better choice for physical custody of the children. It is not always "the best option" for the kids to be with their mother. Who knows? Maybe all three of them are sharing one bedroom and living in a less desirable neighborhood or school district?
Child support gets paid all the time by parents who don't actually parent their kids as well. It is not the custodial parent's job to "enforce visitation" but rather to comply with the court order. As long as that parent is making the children available to the other parent at the specified time and place; then they are meeting their obligation. So to say that he'd not have to pay support unless he'd been seeing the kids, or that paying support would prompt him to demand parenting time IMO would depend on the situation. This couple just broke up a few weeks ago, and I presume prior to that they were living as a family? If my spouse dumped me and left the state with our children; I'd be filing kidnapping charges.

Ev - posted on 12/19/2017

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The ? U need to answer is do I want him to see his children? If the answer is no then don't go to court asking for money because it'll come with visitation. If yes or if you don't care if he sees his kids then see a lawyer where you live and he/she will help u figure out what to do to get your child support.

Mary Anderson---This last paragraph is not entirely correct. It does not matter if she does not want him to have access or see the kids. He has as much right to be with them as she does...9 years together before breaking off. Also, child support and visitation do not come hand in hand. They are separate issues. Also, if the father does file in his state for custody--she will have to go back and go to court there. States do not have the same custody, child support and visitation laws. They are similar but when being enforced in one state that does not mean the other state will enforce them either. That causes for a long fight for the adults over the kids.

Also in your first paragraph...sexist has nothing to do with custody. A judge is not going to be giving her the benefit of the doubt over moving. The kids were used to where they were, had friends, school etc. She basically uprooted them and moved with no thought to what was actually best for the kids. She does have to prove it is the child's best interest to the judge to be moved from dad. Also she is violating dad's rights of being able to be with his kids. If it was a matter of just across the state lines that would be one thing but we do not know if she moved 200 miles or 2000 miles. The point is she moved and that will go against her. There are no guidelines for long distant visitation that I know of...it is just standard visitation that is set by the judge. IF one parent lives far away and does not have the majority of custody---then they work out visits for school breaks, summers and other parts of the year.

Have you ever gone through custody, visitation, and child support or divorce?
I have and I know how it works.

Mary - posted on 12/19/2017

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Sorry to sound sexist but as a female you're inherently given a great benefit of the doubt as far as moving. Depending on the age of the children it's highly unlikely a judge will order you to move back however many states say out of state moves "require" that you "prove" it's in the child's best interest first but since you've already moved it's unlikely a judge will order you to move back or change custody simply Bc it's too much back and forth for the kids. it's not necessarily required that you file for child support in the same state where you divorced (at least I don't think it is). There are state guidelines for "long distance" visitation and usually involve extended summers and extended holidays.

The ? U need to answer is do I want him to see his children? If the answer is no then don't go to court asking for money because it'll come with visitation. If yes or if you don't care if he sees his kids then see a lawyer where you live and he/she will help u figure out what to do to get your child support.

Michelle - posted on 12/19/2017

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I agree with the others.
You need to ask a lawyer as moving the children away from their Father could have a negative effect on your custody.
Yes, you should file for child support but be mindful of the fact you have left the state.

Sarah - posted on 12/19/2017

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You are in very uncertain territory. While you both are obligated to support your children, you are also both entitled to parent the children. By moving you are interfering with his parental rights. I don't know the whole story and perhaps he agreed that you moving out of state was fine; even if he did, he could file for custody and you like Ev said you may be forced to either move back or pay for the cost of the kids traveling to see him. Talk to a lawyer

Ev - posted on 12/18/2017

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So you moved the kids out of the state you were living in? Do you know he could file for child custody in that state and you would have to go back to court there for the custody issue. I understand the need to have family near you but taking them out of state was a big mistake.

As for child support--you need a lawyer to do this and you should have gone to a lawyer about custody and visitation there.

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