should i cut ties with my mum

[deleted account] ( 3 moms have responded )

im a only child who has a difficult relationship with my abusive mum. she has verbally abused me since i can remember called me awfull names fat b@@@@@, she hopes i die, she never wanted me, ive ruined her life told me to diet at 9? i wasnt allowed to go in the fridge if i did i got told i was a fat greddy b@@@@@ and then some. she has beat me to a pulp many occasions. i was kept off school for weeks because she couldnt be bothered to send me. her relationship with her boyfriend was terrible drunken fighting which i got blamed for, she would wake me up at what ever time and drag me round the streets till early am. she used to drag me to the church early hrs in the morning saying i was evil. on top of that she told me an ex boyfriend was my father. i found ot he wasnt via a friend of mine when i was 18 which she replied, he didnt want anyway u ugly blah blah blah. she has told me so many lies over the years its untrue. i know its the past but she hasnt even said sorry. not once she disregards my feelings all the time. cut to 2013 i have a 7 yr old daughter whom she will not help with. im at uni and working supporting my child, father is a joke. last yr i was very stressed with the workload and got severly depressed she wont help at all i ask for a rest so i can get my head together and she refuses. she even babysat one of my friends children on my birthday without me knowing, she replied when i found out"i dont have to tell you anything? im at the point of no return now. she makes me feel like i do everything wrong. i would just like to know do i have a right being upset and angry with her to the point where i no longer want contact with her


View replies by

J - posted on 10/09/2013




It is in the best interest of your health, your future, and your child's health and future that you stay away from anyone who abuses you. Abuse affects people way past the present moment in which it happens...sometimes for life. You have a long life to live, and lots of things will happen, some or many will be bad. Stress builds up. Do yourself and your child a favor and stay away from abusers...and get counseling to deal with what has already occurred.

[deleted account]

i dont hold resentment for her. she makes me feel like im making it up if she would recognize and accept it happened i would get over it. i said she babysat my friends child on my birthday but dint tell me she did. in fact she made me drop her off at her house then she snuck round to my friends to babysit. the reason it bothers me is she refuses to babysit on my birthday. i am a forgiving person but i can forgive whats happened when i try to explain how i feel she just says so what and why am i blaming her.

Cecilia - posted on 10/04/2013




You have the right as a human to choose which relationships you wish to continue. You can walk away from any relationship you want to, especially those who cause you hurt (emotionally or physically)

You can choose to tell her how you feel and see if she is willing to change. From the sounds of it, that isn't likely. I would do it just to clear my own heart and I for sure it was never going to be better.

It does sound like you are holding a ton of resentment. Things like her watching your friends child shouldn't bother you so much. It does, so there might be a problem there for you. Maybe look into counseling for yourself. There is nothing wrong with getting help on fixing that hurt little girl inside of you. You'll find if you can let her rest, you will find some peace.

I am speaking from some experience. My mother wasn't a good mother. She never called me names or lied about my father (as far as I know) She did leave the state when I was 14 though. It took me many years of repairing myself. I have spoke to my mother in recent years. I tried to repair thru her and I had to face the fact that even though I love my mommy, she is reinjuring that little girl in me. She in fact was trying also, it just wasn't enough. Right now it's been almost 2 years since I called her. She doesn't even know she has a new granddaughter. Do what is best for you, it hurts no matter which path you choose. (I'm crying as I write this because we all want our mommy.)

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