Should I let my daughter see her dad?

Anonymous - posted on 01/21/2013 ( 2 moms have responded )




My daughter is 3 and I have been having trouble with her dad for some time. He sometimes parties, does drugs, and has been abusive towards me. He is a different person when he drinks. However, he is never under the influence or has that behavior in front of my daughter. Actually, he is very good with her but when it comes to financial situations he has never helped. He barely holds a job and even when he does I barely get money. He left me for another girl and pretty much did not come around so often anymore. It was constant fights and with him partying all the time I did not trust him to take his child. That ended and we tried to work it out and he was seeing my daughter a lot. Then he went drinking and started problems again so I said I wanted to end. For almost 2 weeks, he has barely called. He finally asks if he can take her for a night and with no problem I said yes. From what I know he said he was going to spend his bday with his child. Now I find out that he is taking her out with the girl he left me for and is talking all kinds of stuff behind my back that I do not give him the rights he should have, So in response I said that I want him out of both of our lives. Am I doing the right thing or am I being bitter? I encourage him to be in her life but I feel he only does so when its convenient for him. Can he take me to court? What should I do?


Jodi - posted on 01/21/2013




So, he doesn't drink or is under the influence when your daughter is with him, he is good with your daughter, but you want to withhold a relationship between your daughter and he because he doesn't pay you and because he has a new girlfriend (and cheated on you)? Yes, you are being bitter. It sounds to me like your daughter is in no danger, and has a good relationship with her dad, so why would you interfere with that? It sounds to me like the reason he hasn't seen his daughter or called her for 2 weeks is because you give him a hard time and fight with him. Stop with the fights. Stop with the anger, and just move on. Your relationship doesn't exist any more. you can't tell him whether he is allowed to go and party or not. As long as he isn't doing these things when he has your daughter, what he does with his time is his own business.

File for child support, file for custody with allowable visitation, and move on. Your relationship with him now is purely a co-parenting one. Period. Nothing else. It doesn't matter that he cheated on you and you are hurt (understandably so). This has NOTHING to do with his relationship with his daughter. You want him out of your life, I get that. It isn't going to happen. He wants to be involved in his daughters life. Let him.

Dove - posted on 01/21/2013




Jodi is right.

I don't blame you for your FEELINGS towards him, but your child is not a pawn. If she is safe with him (as you've already said) they should continue to have a relationship with each other. If he does take you to court, of course he will have rights. He's her father.

Go to court and get custody, visitation, and child support established legally and then work on letting go of your anger towards your ex and just focus on your child and what is best for HER (which is both parents being as civilized as possible).


View replies by

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms