Should I tell her about her biological father? And if so, when?

Kasi - posted on 05/08/2012 ( 2 moms have responded )




The 1st time I ever had sex I got pregnant. I had only been dating the guy about 3 mths and the minute I told him he disappeared. I went thru my pregnancy alone. When my now 9 yr old daughter was 6 weeks old I met a great man that wanted to marry me and adopt my daughter. We married a short 6 months later. Less than a month later the biological father's grandmother pressured him into asking for a DNA test and wanted him to try for custody. Well obviously the DNA came back and she was his. We set up a visitation schedule and a child support amount but within 2 months he asked if he could sign his rights over to my husband!!! We were thrilled! Well, now she is 9 years old my mother wants me to tell her but my husband and I don't want to. I know for a fact that her biological father would just end up hurting her in the long run, not to mention my hubby is the only dad she has ever known. What should I do? To tell or not to tell? And if so, when?


Louise - posted on 05/08/2012




I would of told her along time ago as the older the child gets the harder it is for them to process this sort of information. If you dont tell her and she finds out there is going to be a huge back lash.She needs to know her roots so that her medical history is complete when having children of her own.

Sit her down together and ask her if she knows how babies are made with an egg and sperm. Ask her if she knows what biological means. Then gently tell her that it was not daddies sperm that fertilised the egg. Tell her he loves her very much and has raised her as his daughter and as far as he is concerned she is his child.She may say nothing more about the subject straight away or she may bombard you with questions. The point is you have to get across that nothing is going to change in her life and that she is loved very much. She may ask who her biological father is and then you can tell her leaving out the part of him running a mile and not wanting her. She has a right to know, and you need to tell her before puberty as hormones mixed with finding out you are not who you thought you were could send her over the wall!

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