Should I try to speak with 3 yr old sons biodad who hasn't seen him since he was 1? Or just ignore him?

Ariana - posted on 11/28/2012 ( 1 mom has responded )




Ok, basically my sons biodad has been 'uninvolved' since birth. He talked to me a couple times when my son was very young (under a year and once when he was a year he saw him). He likes to bounce in between saying he's the father and not, drama drama etc. So after the last time we talked and he said that again I just said fine and blocked him off everything I had him on and all of that. He tried to contact me once saying he wanted to talk but I ignored him.

Tbh when my son was born I really wished he was interested in being a part of my sons life and wanted him to step-up but everyone I knew and my family said it was a bad idea so I just didn't contact him (he knew the child was his, I'd told him that). Then he tried contacting me three times saying he wanted to be apart of my childs life and I, cautiously, tried to talk to him but ultimately it turned out he was talking to me whenever his gf broke up with him (to make her jealous and then say he saw me, then she'd take him back and he'd claim 'it might not even be my kid' etc).

Like I said I stopped talking to him once I realized he was just trying to use my son as a tool in his stupid mind-games, plus I managed to pull off my 'rose coloured glasses' and see that he was just playing games with the whole thing.

Then, of course, I recently had some hard things going on and I guess I ignored all the issues and was feeling just fine and then I got crazy trashed and just had a mini-meltdown over all of that stuff. Which was stupid, but considering I barely ever drink I think I'm allowed one drunken melt-down. I'm mentioning that because during said melt-down I decided to unblock my sons biodad on facebook and send him a very long, rambling, message about how my life was terrible, and he is a terrible person (or something like that) along with other angsty, dramatic lameness to it.

It seemed like a good idea at the time.

Either way, he now tried adding me on facebook and so I'm not sure what to do. I kind of opened up the doors on this one, and he hasn't said anything, so I don't know what he wants.

If he wants to see my son I don't know what to do about it. He's a turn-coat. He's, on multiple occassions, looked me in the eye and lied while looking totally believable. He is always claiming he's doing better, acting better, but he's been involved with drugs and domestic violence. He's got multiple diagnoses for things like bi-polar and depression.

Once I allow him into my sons life I can't get him out, so I'm not sure what the best action is. Do I want my son to see this guy as his most important role model? Is it wrong for me to think it would just be easier without him around? My son is such a sweet kid but he's definitely a strong-willed energetic kid, I don't want him turning into his biodad because I allowed the man around when I shouldn't have.

Sorry it's so long...


Dove - posted on 11/28/2012




I wouldn't add him on Facebook... I'd keep him blocked from that. THAT is YOUR life, not your son's.

Let him know that you are open and willing for visitation, but that he must go through court (or at least a mediator) to get it. If he WANTS a relationship with his son... that's the least he can do to show he's serious.

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