Should she be held all the time?

Mary - posted on 04/11/2010 ( 161 moms have responded )

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My 2 month old wants to be held all the time. She doesn't really sleep during the day so I can't just wait til she sleeps to put her down. She will sit in her swing for about 15-20 min at a time but that is it. Am I spoiling her by holding her when she gets fussy?

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Alexis - posted on 04/12/2010

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If you want her to let you put her down, you may have to work up to it. Lay her on a blanket on the floor and talk to her rather than pick her up each time. When she wakes up greet her with a smile, touch, kiss on the hand, etc, to show her you are there. She has to learn that she doesn't always need to be held to get comfort. If you have other kids or are alone alot with your baby this will save your sanity. Sometimes babies just need you in their line of vision. My oldest son did not like to be put down but this weaning method worked for me and soon he did not need me to pick him up everytime to soothe him. He did continue to be fussy if he could not see me but a bouncy seat that could be moved around the room worked, I could clean up, take a shower, cook, and he was always in eyesight at safe distance. I would talk to him just as if I was holding him and he would interact with me too. My son is now ten years old and very independent with a very good vocabulary. I guess because I talked so much! LOL! Try it out and see what variations work for you.

Mei - posted on 04/24/2010

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(I'm assuming she's a healthy 2 month old..not a preemie)

if her fussiness is not because of sth important (hunger, diaper, burp)...try holding her for few min (like 5-10min)...and if she stops fussing, put her down, and if she fusses once she's down, u can let her cry for 5-10min to see if her cry or fussing lessens and stops soon. Or try using pacifier...don't worry that she'll be addicted to sucking on pacifier long term. It's ok to use it more frequent at this age (unless u're nursing and afraid that it will affect that she may not latch on when she's used to pacifier)

If you must hold her to calm her down, try not to bounce around, walk around, swinging your arm all the time. If she's ok w/ u holding and sitting...then sit down (and it's less tying for u)

Your baby is not colic, right? Colic baby can cry loudly for 15-60min even when being hold.

My baby boy was a terrilble handful since 2wks old till like 9 months. He was super fussy and colicky too. He's a horrible napper...for 12months..he would only nap 30min and wakes up crying. He needs to be held all the time and cries as soon as u put him down. I mean even when he's asleep, we still have to hold him and wakes up the second he's put down. Maybe it's a combination of colic, poor napper, and spoiling as well. Grandparents was here for like 6wk since he was born...they always hold him the second he whine...and walking around holding him and not putting him down. So even after the colic was over after 5 month, he's still a fussy boy and difficult self-soothing. If he cries now...he would not settle on his own even after 14months. So take my advice as mention above. Many ppl and books say they can't be "spoil"...I think it's just how u define the word "spoil"...some books use that word as they're not spoil coz they're not manipulative at that age. Yes, they're not trying to manipulate you...but they can get so use to being held all the time and expect that as a consequence of their whining and not learning how to self-soothe. Give her a chance to learn how to self-soothe. Pacifier is useful.

My boy is now 18months...he's still a handful and needs attention at all time, giving me NO down time...seriously!

Good Luck!

Hannah - posted on 04/11/2010

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haha. i don't know if you remember the Sharpy (permanent marker) commercial where the child screams as soon as his toes touch the ground, then when the mother brings him back up he is silent. That was totally my son. He is def still a mommy's baby, but he is independent enough to not drive me completely crazy. I did not even worry about him gaining independence til he was at least one years old. in fact, i find if i give him immediate attention, he is more likely to calm down and be more independent knowing i care and will be there if needed. Some children just need more reassurance. If I ignore him, he does not stop. He becomes more clingy and far less independent.

Teresa - posted on 04/11/2010

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I am a mother of 4 and i chose not to spoil my kids that way just for my own sanity. At 2 months they need to be held but not all the time. They need to find their own ways to express their emotions and learn how to comfort themselves. I am also a believer of needing your own time. Having a child in your arms all the time will be so exhausting when they are a bit older and more demanding.

My friend never puts her child down. The minute she starts to whine she is being held, but it has to be the mom that hold her or she will continue to cry. She will not allow anyone else pick her up. I guess this is a personal preference on how you would like to deal with your child and their development. Congrats on the new babe!!

Beth - posted on 04/24/2010

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I would hold her as much as you can! I have a daughter who was also in need of lots of holding. My solution to save my arms was to purchase a front pack so my hands could be free to do other things. For whatever reason, some children just need the comfort of physical touch more than others and depriving them off this need is as bad as not feeding them! I don't know what your situation is, but it is also helpful to have "babyholders" come over to help you out (it can try your sanity at times!) The good news is, my daughter did outgrow this need (by 3 or 4 months) and is now a very well-adjusted, happy eleven year old. Good luck!

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Karen - posted on 05/03/2010

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Hi Mary, My name is Karen and I am a mother of 4 aged from 21 to 6. The most beautiful thing to do when you have a baby is hold them and cuddle them BUT you can't do it all the time. At the moment she is small and easy to care but she will get bigger and you won't be able to hold her and it will upset her more.
Enjoy lots of cuddles but you need to let her know who is boss and that is you.

Veronica - posted on 04/25/2010

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At this age, the closeness of baby and mommy is important. She needs to know that you are always there when she needs you. It's too early to let her "cry it out."

[deleted account]

My opinion - you can't spoil them this small. Look for a sling or carrier you can live and walk and work with - there are so many varieties and it's a time honored way of filling the baby's needs to be close to you and still carrying on with a little bit of life. I preferred carrying my daughter in a sling (over lugging in the infant car seat) when we went into stores and the like. She seemed to feel more protected and comfortable. Give her your loving cuddly attention - that's what little babies need most of all. So nice to see so many moms working from this same perspective! enjoy this precious short baby time.

Serena - posted on 04/25/2010

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I have 3 children and at that age they all wanted to be held all the time lol. I know how tired you get from having to hold her all the time. My youngest is now 4 months old and is finally getting where he will lay on the floor for a little while. He never liked the swing. As a matter of fact none of my children liked the swing. I have an exersaucer for my children that they all loved and it gave me a little free time. My children aren't spoiled because they were held alot so don't worry. Though I know how you feel kinda tied down and not able to get much accomplished. Maybe you can look into wearing your baby so you can get some stuff done.Like a mobby but if you google wearing your baby there are websites that can show you how to make your own for a lot less.

Alyson - posted on 04/25/2010

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aslong as she goes to bed at night then don't see it's a problem. mine liked to be held alot-but wouldn't be put down at night either. after 3 weeks i let her cry it out and after couple nights was fine. daytime cuddles are great and bond forming. at this age she's 2 young 2 be manipulative so she just wants to be with you :)

Mei - posted on 04/24/2010

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not sure if someone already mention this....but try swaddling, white noise (u can download some white noise available on internet for a fee). But at 2 month age..I would still do I can to comfort her and not let her cry for over 15-20min.

[deleted account]

A baby needs physical contact...she spent 9 months with constant companionship and contact....I would suggest getting a wrap...many people love the Moby...you can find it online. Most cultures around the world hold their babies constantly until they are around a year old. I'm not saying you need to go to that extreme, but a newborn is not capable of manipulation. If you put her down and let her "cry it out" you are setting her up to believe that she can not rely on you...she can not trust you. Is that what you want to set up in her subconscious? Of course not...I'm sure you adore your daughter and want all the best things...My advice is to quit listening to what the "experts" say, or what other people tell you they heard from the "experts" or read in a baby book from an "expert". You are her mother and you are responsible for her. Listen to your own self. You are not spoiling her by teaching her that she can trust you and depend on you for love and support. You will need a break some times, but I'm sure there are others who would love to hold your sweet daughter. Our country is being attacked by "experts" who are seeking to demolish the family to make us weak, to make our children weak, to make our minds weak. Raise a strong woman. If you feel you need to read a book, I would suggest Dr. Sears....they (married couple) they give many logical and rational explanations for why a baby needs to be held. God bless you on your journey through motherhood.

Carrie - posted on 04/23/2010

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My first child did this...he is now almost 9. Think about the grand scale here. This is just a short blip in your child's life. You child will not be spoiled! Don't let anyone tell you otherwise. I tried getting my son to sleep through the night at 6 months..(all the books say they should), it was hours and hours of crying (for us both) and it didn't get either of us anywhere except miserable. He just wasn't ready to be forced to sleep all night and go to sleep on his own. It took a while, (he was 10 months when he began to sleep all night and a little over a year before i could put him to bed awake)but he is such a well adjusted and great sleeper now. At 2 months, they need the comfort of your arms. I know it can be frustrating. Hang in there! The swing worked wonders for me too. Have you tried white noise too?

Kathy - posted on 04/22/2010

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be very careful with slings though, a whole bunch of them here were recalled because of babies suffocating or being smothered and dieing in them.... and if you do use them make sure they are being used properly and that you are shown how to make sure your baby can breath!!!

Venessa - posted on 04/22/2010

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Maybe try a sling or carrier then you can do your thing and maybe she'll sleep. Some babies just like to be able to hear mummy's heartbeat. Maybe attachment parenting is what your little girl needs.

Tamie - posted on 04/21/2010

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My son wanted to be held all the time too. My Doctor said to hold the baby as much as I could. Crying babies aren't happy babies !! Besides that , they grow up too fast anyway. My son is now 13.

Colette - posted on 04/21/2010

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I do not believe you can spoil a 2 month old. I would just keep loving her. She will feel safe.
I held my daughter all the time. My daughter is now 18 months old and plays with other children and loves to be around others.

Janet - posted on 04/20/2010

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No!!! At two months old she is not spoiled. Something is bothering her. Possibly collic. You should hold her everytime she gets fussy because this is your bonding time with her. These first few months is when she gains her trust in you, discovers your face, your smell, your touch. If that is spoiling her then so be it. Enjoy these moments they go away before you know it!

Madilyn - posted on 04/20/2010

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yes thats normal. Have you tried wearing her in a sling or Moby wrap? You cant spoil a baby.

Crystal - posted on 04/20/2010

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No! My son is two months old too, and I have the exact same problem. I think at this age there really is no 'spoiling them' by holding them. She will get better when she gets older, espically when she learns to crawl and wants to explore. My daughter is 5 1/2 now and she was the same way. Look at it this way, you'll have nice toned arms!!

[deleted account]

Yes, Hold her. She just came from the warm, soft hold of your womb and wants and needs your touch. One way to keep her close and still have hands free is to use a sling. I used a sling with both my girls. I wish I had started using it earlier with the first one. I found it more comfortable and convenient than a baby carrier. The baby can rest in it, it can be used as a cloth over a changing table and as a nursing cover for when you have to nurse in public. Babies want to be held. You will not spoil her by holding her. You will be more aware of her changing moods and be able to respond and reduce the fussiness.

Sylvia - posted on 04/20/2010

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I had four kids-all grown now. HOLD THAT BABY as much as you want!! You can't spoil a two month old!! And ENJOY IT!! Don't feel guilty!

Brenda - posted on 04/20/2010

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Good on you for asking for opinions before your infant is much older.

you say your daughter does not sleep during the day; you do not mention if she sleeps well at night.

Are you a first time mum? I am wondering if you have yet learnt to diferentiate between the cries; hunger, pain, manipulation!

As infants all are different personalities no one mothering tactic applies but generally if she is well fed, clean nappy and healthy then when she cries just a gentle tone of voice ` sorry honey but mummy is very busy right now so theres a good little girl just wait a very little while and mummy will be with you.` you might think this sounds mad speaking to a baby but the words are to help you and it is the tone of voice that the baby must learn.

you might feel neglectful and guilty to do this but just extend the periods you leave her crying for a couple minutes longer each time you do it; for example the first time five minutes, day afte rten minutes but it is very important you keep your word and do let her see you busy then return to her and keep your promise and cuddle her and give her your quality time then in that soft tone of voice put her back down and say mummy is busy again now.

good luck.

Anita - posted on 04/19/2010

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Babies do need to learn how to be by themselves and I learnt with both my kids that if you hold them all day they will continue to want that all night and the next day. Let her fuss but don't let her get distressed as thats not good for bubbas. Talk to her while she's on the ground to let her know you haven't abandoned her, even put some kids shows on for background noise :)



Good luck hope this helps! :)

Tammy - posted on 04/19/2010

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you can never spoil a baby too much have you tried swaddleing her during the day, babies are use to be being very close us in the womb and in a nice snug warm place. so by swaddeling this immitates the womb and keeps the baby calm and realxed. you might be able to do this and then shes fine being put down and doesnt have to be held all day. i had to with my son in the beginning, they do grow out of it and now he has to have his arms out or he doesnt even sleep with a blanket on anymore

Amy - posted on 04/19/2010

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Yes, I really don't believe in the spoil the child theory. She is only going to be two months old once, so enjoy her. But, if you are getting tired Boppy makes these fantastic infant pillows. For example, you can sit very close to your baby, so she feels your presence and fold the laundry or something. Good luck! I have a three-month old, so believe me, I empathasize.

Brandi - posted on 04/19/2010

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You know, it really depends on the child I think. The most important thing is to make sure there's not a reason for the fussing (which I'm sure you already know). If she's fussing for no reason, then it's up to you how you want to handle it. If you are trying to break her of being held all the time, then let her fuss and see if she can self-soothe. We got one of those Bumbo seats that help little ones sit up. Once she can hold her head up, you might consider this. I used to carry my daugther all over the house in that thing and she was right there while I was doing things. That kept her interested without fussing.

Danielle - posted on 04/19/2010

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It's hard to say at that age. I think I would start putting her down for brief periods of time just so that it didn't become habit forming.

Claire - posted on 04/19/2010

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Hi, being a mum of two boys and a girl I can honestly say they are all born very different. Some want to be held, some want to sleep and some just cry. Can I ask if perhaps its the lying down or the loss of you. I only say this as sometime babies can have reflux but now bad enough to be sick all the time. My daughter has reflux and could not be laid down for any lengh of time and it was very draining. We invested in a baby seat and I would transfer her from room to room as I showered, dressed etc. We even put her on the top of the table which we were eating around her so we could all have eye contact.



Have you tried swaddling her as this can some times help. We also invested in a baby playgym and she loved watching the different coloured mobiles as we talked to her.

Baby massage can also help relax babies and allow them to still have close contact.

Amanda - posted on 04/19/2010

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This is the first time I have responded to a question and I am doing it because I had the exact same baby! I wanted to tell you that my baby is at four months now and when she was two months she didn't sleep during the day and only went in her swing for 15 min at a time and also did not want to be put down. I just held her and put her in her carry case (she cried at first but eventually fell asleep). Someone told me to keep trying the swing because babies change fast and its true. I just kept putting her in it whenever I could. If she cried I gave her a few minuets to see if she would stop on her own but I would never let her cry for longer then 4-5min. She started liking her swing and even falling asleep in it. Hopefully this helps you to carry on. I believe it will change for your baby to.

Nicole - posted on 04/19/2010

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you cannot spoil a baby at this age. she needs to be close to you. i know it's hard to carry a baby around all day, but the best way to do is to get a great sling. enjoy it. one day she won't even want to sit on your lap : )

[deleted account]

Hi! It could make her more clingy but we have do what ever we can do to make baby & mum happy and to get through the day. I'm a mum of 4 (youngest is 7months) and they've all been different but they do grow out of the clingy stage so if thats what baby likes and it makes her happy then why not? They dont stay small forever so why not enjoy all the cuddles. I've done all sorts of things whilst holding a child just for peace, but one tip i'd give is find a sling thats comfortable and see if she likes it, you may get a bit more done! If its worrying you just remember shes still very young and it is just a stage and you will come through it before you know it! Goodluck :)

Zenobia - posted on 04/19/2010

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do not hold her all the time. She will get spoiled and get used to crying to get what she wants. Yes it is good to hold her put you need to put her on a schedule. I used 2, 4, 6 and 10, those are the times my daughter got feed. She might be fussy because she is hungrey. What are you feeding her breast or formula? It does make a difference. Also you can try giving her more onces.

Samantha - posted on 04/19/2010

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It is psychologically impossible to spoil a baby with attention in the first two and a half years of their lives. My son just turned two in Jan and he wanted to be held all of the time when he was little. I could put him in a swing or bouncy seat for about 20 minutes, and then he wanted me to hold him again! He is now a very confident little boy, and he loves everything! He will hold his sister's dolls and give them hugs and kisses, he is confident enough to talk to people when we are walking through the grocery store, and his sister is the same way. Holding her when she fusses is a good way for you to start building a bond with her so that she knows you will be there for her when she needs you!

Orla - posted on 04/19/2010

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You are not spoiling her. She just wants the reassure and cuddles from her mam which are normal. Just when you do put her down maybe try and find something for her to play with or grab at and make sure that she can see you!! My little man likes sitting on his own now but only when he can see me in the same room.

Susan - posted on 04/19/2010

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sleepywrap.com !!! My son is now 2 and we spent most of his 1st year with this. there are a lot of benefits to babywearing posted on their web site. they are so comfy, I still use it if we go somewhere that he needs to be carried. your baby is not getting spoiled she just needs you. i have 3 older kids also and carried them in carriers as well. they are all very social and independent. enjoy carrying her while it lasts :)

Claire - posted on 04/19/2010

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Hi, being a mum of two boys and a girl I can honestly say they are all born very different. Some want to be held, some want to sleep and some just cry. Can I ask if perhaps its the lying down or the loss of you. I only say this as sometime babies can have reflux but now bad enough to be sick all the time. My daughter has reflux and could not be laid down for any lengh of time and it was very draining. We invested in a baby seat and I would transfer her from room to room as I showered, dressed etc. We even put her on the top of the table which we were eating around her so we could all have eye contact.



Have you tried swaddling her as this can some times help. We also invested in a baby playgym and she loved watching the different coloured mobiles as we talked to her.

Baby massage can also help relax babies and allow them to still have close contact.

Tanasha - posted on 04/18/2010

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It is definately NOT possible to spoil an infant. That is an old wive's tale more or less :)

Jennifer - posted on 04/18/2010

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No you are not spoiling her, I have a baby who does not sleep during the day only at night. I wear her for most of the day. The more babies are held the less they complain. We are the only culture that put babies down. You cannot spoil a 2 month old and you will know when its time to put her down. My babe has gi problems that prevents her from being comfortable on her back. At 2 months I did not realize this but at 4 months I am glad that I did not press the issue. Take care.

[deleted account]

Not at all, a baby needs all the touch and holding you can give them at this age. Yes it's tiring, but they will become independent and you will see the benefits in showering them with attention and love later on. They will be able to be happy playing on their own for a while and will understand that you are not far away. It's all about love and trust. A baby needs to feel close to its mother and even smell her, as that's how they know they're safe.



My 15 month old was exactly the same and I was criticised for holding her a lot, but now I have a very affectionate little girl who will go to other people too, as long as she knows them a little. So don't worry, they're only this age for such a short time, I miss it already!

Allison - posted on 04/18/2010

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I would hold her for as long as she likes. This creates secure attachment and it won't last forever!

Rebecca - posted on 04/18/2010

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Are you familiar with Attachment Parenting? I recommend all of the books by Dr. & Mrs. Sears. The first 9 months of a baby's life is like her first 9 months in utero. She needs to be close to mom. She knows you best as she has spent all her time with you, so it is you she turns to now. 2 month olds cannot be spoiled. They fuss because that is the only way they have to communicate. Relax and cuddle your baby. You will both be happier for it!

Pam - posted on 04/18/2010

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Not everything works the same with every child. I thought I knew just how to get a baby to settle down, when I was mothering my son. Then I had my daughter. My daughter (now a teenager & quite independent) wanted to be held for about the first 9 months of her life. As she grew older, and I got to know her better, I realized that all the reassurance, holding, and attention she'd received was like money in the bank. She still needs a lot of love and attention, but she's bright, secure, and quite independent.

I found a baby sling most helpful, as well as some respite from daddy & grandma. Hang in there. Love your baby.

Ann Marie - posted on 04/18/2010

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I think it has a lot to do with the baby's personality. My first daughter needed to be held a lot, and we did hold her a lot, and she still cries like the world is ending every time I leave for work (at 2 1/2 years old). She's very sensitive, cautious, and emotional overall. My second daughter (5 months old) has been much more mellow and adaptable from birth, and she's OK with being left on the play mat or in her bumbo seat to play for a while - as long as her toys don't roll out of reach.



Conversely, my brother's first daughter was always pretty independent (a wild child). Their second child, a boy, was very colicky at first, and insisted on being held constantly for the first 5 months or so, and he still wants to be held a lot at 9 months, but less now that he's learned how to crawl.



Since we raised our two daughters pretty much the same way, and so did my brother and his wife, I don't think clinginess has much to do with the parents. I think it's mostly the baby's personality, and you just have to adjust to it. Love your kids and do your best to take care of them and make them happy. But you're going to need to put them down sometimes to get work done or to get a break, so don't feel guilty about it. You'll find a balance that works for you and your baby.

Julie - posted on 04/18/2010

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No, you aren't spoiling her. Hold her if that's what you need to get by. I read that a pediatrician wrote that humans are basically born 3 months too early. That helped me through that phase because it was challenging.

Tracie - posted on 04/18/2010

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I found the front pack so helpfull for doing things (my babies were all very windy and liked to be up-right) when you need hands free! She must be feeling very safe with you and just can't bear to be away for too long!She may be over tired? Look out for tired signs-as usually it's feed, wind, play a little, nappy change, then sleep. Put her in her crib awake, stroke her head, say "sleepy time now" (or something similar) and leave the room. Red eye brows, or white around the lips usually always means wind and she'll need a pick up till she burps- then put her back down. 3 of my 4 children needed a pasifier/binky/dummy (it was that or me! try different types and sizes) Hope this helps. Good luck :-)

Heather - posted on 04/18/2010

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My son was exactly the same way...He stayed awake all day and got bored real quick. I had to learn to do things with one hand...When he learned to roll the neediness pretty much went away...I figured out that all he was wanting was a change of scenery and when he was able to change it by himself I was able to do my stuff with 2 hands again :)....Babies that young don't get spoiled

Leonita - posted on 04/18/2010

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No you are not spoiling. An Infant can not be spoiled. Infants need to be held, rocked, cuddled it creates bonding and security for your baby. Hold your precious little baby as much as she wants to be held. Hold her when she isn't fussy - Leave the swing for when you need a few moments - but if that beautiful baby wants her mamas arms thats the most natural and healthy thing you can do. Id give anything to go back and have more time cuddling my little one who is three now and I still hold and cuddle her as much as she will let me - being that she is miss little independent now :) Good Luck!

Barda - posted on 04/18/2010

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No you are not spoiling her. Your baby grew in you for nine months and now that she is out, you are supposed to hold her and nurture her. Look at the animals, like gorillas . Their babies are with them. Hold her now and let her sleep on your chest.

I thank the spirit that my daughter chose to follow my footprints. Leslie is my 8 month old grandson and he has been held constantly, nursed and cuddled and talked to. He is not spoiled and is growing up to be an independent little one, because he and his parents have built a solid bond of trust. So hold your baby.

Kathi - posted on 04/18/2010

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If she won't let you put her down, invest in a front carry snuggie. I learned to do all the chores with my daughter hung on my chest when she was very little. Just make sure she gets her tummy time to develop her neck muscles too.

Jamie - posted on 04/18/2010

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Is she fussy from gas or "colic"? 2 out of my 3 babies were very fussy until 3 or 4 months. It was a blessed day when I could finally put them down for any period of time. My pediatrician recommended doing what you needed to at this time to get her to sleep and for your own sanity. There's plenty of time after she gets through this period to break any unwanted habits. Good luck, and I hope things get better for you quickly.

Liz - posted on 04/18/2010

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Hold her all the time, get yourself a sling or some type of baby carrier that works for you and use it, use it, use it. She is only 2 months old, that is only 8 weeks, of course she wants to be next to her sweet mother, she was inside of you listening to your heart beat and every other rhythm of your body for 40 weeks, she wants to be near you for comfort. I bet if you start carrying her she'll start sleeping during the day because she'll be happy. She wants to be held by you. You can't spoil a baby by giving her love!!!! At 2 months she doesn't have wants only needs. And she NEEDS to be close to you. Give her what she needs and you'll have a happy baby! Good luck! BTW I love the mei tai wraps and for a little one like your girl try a maya wrap that snuggles her next to you :)

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