Shaye - posted on 07/06/2012 ( 6 moms have responded )
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So here is my situation. I have been with my boyfriend for over 2 years now. Living together and raising our gaggle of children together. we are a blended family. I have a 9 year old daughter from a previous relationship and he has two boys 7yrs and 5 yrs from a previous relationship.
A little backstory on my ex. we were together for 4 years we got married on our 1 year annivarsary and we had our daughter a year after we were married. during our last year together my ex was always acting weird. getting pissed off at me for no reason... kept accusing me of cheating... he would pick a fight with me and leave us for days at a time... then he would come home and beg me to forgive him.I didnt want to be with him anymore because of all this but was in a pattern i didnt know how to get out of it.....one day he was convinced i was cheating on him and when i came home from work he was gone....me and my daughter moved in with my grandparents and we both stayed there for a long time.. a few months later my brother is telling me how my ex was sleeping at his house... my brother told me he was going to be checking him into rehab. apparently all is odd behavior was due the fact he on crystal meth. i was naive and didnt know what the signs were. but i took our daughter to visit him at the rehab place with my brother there of course and i felt so uncomfortable with all the creepy looking men there i told him i would not be bringing her back.. after he was done with rehab he moved in with my brother and packed a bag one weekend and told my bro that he would be back on monday and that was 7 years ago... he ran away and we have not heard from him since. good ridence i say. my daughter doesnt even really remember him. so he didnt cause any permanent damage.
Now my boyfriends Ex....from the day i met him we have never been able to date since he always had his kids with him. there mother would call cause a fight with him and cancel her time and according to the divorce decree she is supposed to have them every other weekend, every other holiday and 2 weeks out of the summer. she moved out of state for a long time and the entire time she was gone she only called to ask about the boys twice... in 7 months. when she moves back she only wants to see them one at a time... we told her no. both of them or not at all... she gets pissed off all the time because i make there father put there needs first. he would always give in to her just to avoid the fight.shes 26 and im 34 and she has called and left inapropriate messages ... telling me that im forcing him to do all the shit cuz i dont want to sit at home with my kids and i want to go out and party and cant cuz im with the kids and stupid stuff all the time.
She does not take them when she is supposed to... she doesnt pay child support. she doesnt support them in any way. the 5 year old starts crying when he finds out he has to go over there... he told his dad one day " i dont want to go to my moms" his dad asked why and he replied " she dont need me anymore" hmm her boyfriend is a big factor to her not wanting her kids... its always he cant do this and cant do that..im fed up. she left a threating message towards me on christmas and we called the police and they came to listen to it but the woman officer didnt listen to it and stood in my home and looked at me like ti was all my fault. i dont knwo what to do anymore. the problems they have is because of her flaking behavior. the thereapist told us that...but more proffessionaly lol... should he have to make them go see her if they dont want to go and she doesnt really want them?
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Kelina - posted on 07/06/2012
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From a legal perspective-yes he has to make them unless he wants to go back to court. From the perspective of a mother-no. If her kids can tell she doesn't want them, then forcing them to go will not be doing them any favors. However, the legal perspective is the one that matters unfortunately. If he tries to with hold visitation and she feels like being a bitch she can go back to court and whine about it and possibly get even more time with them. And at 7 and 5 their opinions probably won't be taken into account unless you ask for the court to appoint them someone to speak for them which might come out of your pocket. Personally that owuld be my decision, to go back to court before she took you guys to court but that's me.