Single Mom, Still In Love, & Anti-Dating

Kristian - posted on 05/02/2018 ( 5 moms have responded )

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Hi. I am usually not one for doing post like this since my pregnancy and group interaction on “What To Expect.” But now i am in a dilemma that i feel i want to share with other moms who may reach out to me with some advice, support, and just good hard truth that have been through what I am currently experiencing.

Long story TRIED TO BE made short: i am a mom of a 2 year old son. His father & i we’re together for 5 years before I called it quits two-months ago. I called it quits due to the events that were going on during the last year of our relationship just began to take a toll on my health. It’s been two months now, and not only am i misreable, i am emotionally eating which i gained wait tremdously. I am still in isolation mode, and i literally have became majorly depressed. I love my child’s father deeply. But our issues dig so deep that there’s no fixing them. Not only that, i have finally realize how much of a inpact my intermediate family has made on he and i relationship. I come from a very biblical home, so getting pregnant out of wedlock was already bad in the eyes of parents. But for the years he and i dated before the baby, my family was constantly telling him that he does not belong with me, and that he’s not meant to be my husband. My family has done this to all my relationships however i didn’t see the signs that the reason my relationships didn’t last was because of the negative input already being placed and doubt on my relationships. Needless to say, getting pregnant by the one they didn’t want me defiantly didn’t go over any better. It was so bad when i found out that parents did not believe it, and that the hoped i wasn’t pregnant by this man, the one that i loved. I considered an abortion at period of time, but never went through with it. (Thank God.)
But here i am, now a single mother of one, still in love with them man i let go due to the damage of our relationship, on top of that he’s already began to move on. It’s broken me to pieces to see him with someone else, but i want him to be happy, knowing it’ll never be with me. And of course now that he and i are officially through, i don’t see myself wanting to date, get married or have any more children in the future. I made a silly promise that If he and i didn’t work, then i was done with relationships entirely. Of course, my parents the Bible thumping Christians they are, are rebuking and disowning everything i feel and believe about not wanting more children and marriage. They are all, “we are praying for the husband who’s right for you, and blah blah.” I just feel that if they never would or placed the negative words on the relationships he and i would of still had our differences but i believe getting through them would have been easier. I’m still in love with him, so my question is:
How did anyone whose been in my shoes or moving on from your first love, or long term relationships / child’s father get past this phase and move on too? It’s so hard to see myself w/o him and i try to separate the thoughts of him and my son because let’s phase it he’s 50/50 both of us. I am glad that he is seeking happiness elsewhere, but it just isn’t easy for me.

5 Comments

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Michelle - posted on 05/03/2018

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You will get through this and don't expect it to happen straight away.
Take time to heal, take as long as you need. There isn't a time line on when you should be moving on.
I'm glad you are getting some help, we are here if you want to talk as well.
You are a strong woman and you need to be the best you can be for your son. Don't worry about what anyone else says.

Kristian - posted on 05/02/2018

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Thank you. I have reached out for counseling as of today because of how i am feeling has become so overwhelming. Thank you for the advice

Kristian - posted on 05/02/2018

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Thank you. I have actually reached out for counseling as of today, so this will defiantly be something i am taking on.

Beth - posted on 05/02/2018

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Kristian: Michelle is right about this. You've had some powerful influences in you life and they haven't always been positive. You've had a hard shock and you're grieving. It's hard to give much advice about grieving as it's a thing everyone does differently. But, in your case, it's damaging your health and sense of self. Like Michelle, I suggest you get some professional help. You need someone you can trust to help you work your way through this and to get a clearer, more balanced view of your family's contribution to your circumstances. I'm sure there are other things in your life that break; cars, windows, furniture. You wouldn't try to fix them all yourself. You don't need to fix this all yourself. Transfer some of the load.

Beth

Michelle - posted on 05/02/2018

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You are allowed to grieve for the lost relationship. Most people don't understand that it can affect you like a death and you need to work through all the feelings of loss.
I suggest seeing a counselor to help you work on yourself and realize that you can do this on your own.
I wouldn't be worried about if you will or won't ever date or get married at this stage, concentrate on healing yourself.
You need to be the best Mother for your son and you can't be that if you are too focused on what you have lost.

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