Loredana - posted on 09/30/2013 ( 1 mom has responded )




Hi! I don't know if there are other mommies that find themselves in a similar situation. Me and my boyfriend have a 3 month old baby girl. We love together but he just said he's not ready to live together, wants to date, take it slowly and get to know each other more and then, maybe get married in some time. The thing is, he hasn't been 100% supportive when it comes to the baby. He would go out at night leaving me and the baby alone. He would go either to a friends house or clubbing, both options leading him to come home at 6am, sometimes drunk. Thin made me lose trust and we kept fighting because of this, but he says he doesn't owe me anything because we're not married. And he doesn't see it as lack of respect to leave us alone that way. Besides, his dad and my dad split the rent, since we're both in med school and we don't have an income yet. I found the apartment we currently live in, we bought some furniture together and his dad bought some of the furniture to pay my dad, since my dad payed for a looot of other things. I am 25 and he's 24. He's a very religious man and has been struggling with depression. He's on fluvoxamine and clonazepam. Lately we have been fighting A LOT. At first when we fought, we could talk things out. But violent behavior has been escalating, he started screaming and yelling at me, then he started yelling insults at me like "wh#%e" or "b#@ch". Now, just two days ago, he made a hole through the wall because he was so angry at me he kicked it. I'm afraid of him when he gets so angry and I'm afraid that he's so unpredictable. When he's fine he's the sweetest and most romantic guy ever and when he gets angry and does such things, he apologizes and says he knows he did bad, but that this is the hardest time of his life. I don't know if his behavior comes from depression and anxiety or what. I'm so lost, I thing I should leave him but for some reason I haven't been able to and I feel ashamed that I have put up with this crap. He wants us to keep dating but wants me to go to my dad's place and he wants to keep the apartment to live with his friends (he has a very troubled family and the shrink told him not to live there) . I'm not comfortable with him keeping the apartment to live with some friends because 1. I feel kicked out 2. I don't trust him enough to be sure he will be totally faithful to me and 3. I don't think it's fair to me leaving me all the responsibilities while he only visits his daughter and me on weekends (he will be a medical intern next year and will be practically living at the hospital). I don't know what to do, I feel lonely and stuck with him because he's my baby's father and if I leave him, who will want me if I have someone else's baby?
Please help me out here girls, have you ever been in a similar situation? What should I do? Thank you soooo much!!


Enna - posted on 09/30/2013




You should definitely get out of the situation. It's not good for you or your baby. Don't worry about finding another guy right now, you're going to need some time on your own to process what's happening now, and to get arrangements settled with him regarding the baby. Then once you're ready to start dating again you will be surprised how many men don't mind women with children. Don't let a boyfriend around your child until you know him very well and are serious because it will be confusing to the child if men come and go from their life. I would also consider looking for an older man, they are usually looking to settle down, then you won't have the problem of him going out partying all the time.

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