Single mother is needing advice about my child father's girlfriend wanting to meet me, but he has not been in childs life.

Vanessa - posted on 12/27/2013 ( 2 moms have responded )




So I have a 4 year old son that I have raised on my own the whole time he has been born, the father has never been around him but a handful of times by his own will. So over that past year I have finally be able to make contact with him through his girlfriends facebook. So that way that it works is that I have to fb her, to tell him to call me. I told him that I was not comfortable with that and that I wanted a direct way to contact him. I do not over message about anything and months may go by before I contact them. I am always the one trying to get him involved but the only thing he has came to has been his birthday and that was the only event that he went too for my won his whole life. Well I tried to help him out with maybe getting his child support order lowered because I felt that if I tried to get it lowered for him maybe he would pay his child something instead of the nothing that I had been getting for that past year and we met about it. he however has the nerve to ask if his girlfriend could come and I said no, during that meeting he said that he was trying to keep it clam but that she was worried about us getting back together which is so not the case. while at the meeting we got along then we made Christmas plans. which he has never spent a Christmas with him ever. Then come Christmas day he was a no show and I asked if he was coming and he did not call. I got a texted though his girlfriends phone insisting that he is going to bring her so we can meet. I do not feel that it is the right time for her to meet my son, but what is even more strange is that she is pushing to meet me. My son has no clue who his father is and I feel that he should build a bond between the two of them before some chick is added to the mix. I finally worte a email though facebook telling her that I will no longer commuitcate with him through her facebook or her phone because problems are starting and I wish to prevent them. I did it in a very professional way and I have never called either of them names or have lost my cool. That any contact will be him calling me because I will not be treated that way. But then they said that on christmas that she wanted to meet me before my son that day...what as I going to do leave my son in the car NO.......I also feel that the only time I should have to meet her is if my child ever start to stay the night which will not happen anytime soon. They keep bring up meeting me but I feel that she wants to meet me to scope me out not for the welfare of my child. we do not have court papers so I do not allow him to take my child off with him, if he choses to visit it with my supervison and the two of us have got along until the whole meeting thing happen. he also has a sleeping problem and also has a felony for vilonce at a bar. am I wrong with this matter? I live in the state of florida.


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Ev - posted on 12/28/2013




I agree with Leslie to a point on her comment.

You do need to set up all of the custody, child support and visitation. And here is what it does and why:

1) Custody sets out primary care of the child to one of the parents and names the other non-custodial. Things are set up as to the care of the child etc. Things are set in place for the child to have relationship with both parents. It protects the child's best interests.

2)Child support is a court order. If you have one already, know you can not lower it on your own to appease the father into paying just something for your child. It is state standards so that the child gets what is coming for their needs to be met. If you have a court order for this and want it changed you go to court.

3)Visitation-this sets up when dad gets to see his son. This includes OVER NIGHT. It sets up the weekends, holidays, and summer times for BOTH parents involved so they both can establish the relationship and keep it with their child.

I know you are cautious about this but it would have been better to have set up the custody, visitation and child support all at once. This would have protected you all.

As for the girlfriend trying to stick her nose in and your reactions to that: You did a fine job. She is trying to control what happens from the sounds and check you out.

But once the visitation is set up you can not tell him who he can have around your kid unless you get it set up in court orders but you would have to prove that person to be a danger or harm to your child and that could be hard to do.

Just do the best you can and get those other court orders in place if they are not already.

User - posted on 12/28/2013




I think you handled the situation very well. It's obvious that girl is insecure and kudos to you for not buying into it! You are the primary caregiver and provider therefore you call the shots! I understand how it is to want to be accommodating for the sake of your son ( been there done that ) but the bottom line is you can't force that man to be a dad so don't worry yourself about it. And this " girlfriend" is just a joke! So not worth your time!

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